So this morning dinky got ready ok. We got to school ok (I was quite amazed at how simple the morning was going, but it was play therapy day and dinky loves it!). Then there was a little tussle on the playground. The school can be a bit idiotic at times! They put out all the fun toys for planning time before the kids arrive and then put up signs saying that the children are not to play with them. It is hard enough for most of the children, but what is the child with behavioural issues going to do? Yes, play with them... Of course! So dinky got the wheelbarrow and almost knocked over some of the mums, when I grabbed it from her, she got the go kart and started riding it around the playground. I managed to get her to stop by getting her hulk mask out of my bag. So instead of playing with the toys she went round growling at everyone and shouting "HULK SMASH!!!" all the other parents thought she was funny. Then dinky's grandma phoned to wish her a good day! Which was a first!
Then the school doors opened. I managed to get her in and put her bag away. Then she ran back out again. So between myself and miss C the TA we got her back inside. She put her name up, got her phonics book and chose a seat. She did her letters 'ai' ok to begin with but soon got bored. She then went to the toilet, which normally means camping out in the story/creative area outside the classroom and the deputy's office. The deputy head brought her back into class and asked her to say goodbye to me so they could do a special job. Dinky looked unsure for a few seconds, hesitated and said "ok. Bye mummy I love you!". That was my cue! I grabbed her phonics book, gave it to Mrs. N and told her that dinky was happy with Ms. W so I was going to go before she changed her mind. The teacher was relieved and said "go, go, have a nice day!" so I went quick.
I got home and the postman arrived just as I did, a letter from the hospital. My ultrasound and biopsy is for next tuesday. The downside to isolating yourself... appointments that are for after school. Urghh. I tried to rearrange but the woman said that it has to be afternoons because the consultant doesn't work mornings and it has to be done while he is around. What kind of consultant doesn't work mornings? (obviously a breast specialist!)
So now I have to find someone willing to have dinky for a couple of hours. I do have two sort of friends. But both of them work, one will definitely be working the other won't find out until Thursday. I might contact the childminder, if she can't look after dinky she might be able to recommend a childminder that can. So that is another thing I have to sort out.
I text the play therapist to ask if she was free for a quick chat about dinky. She said I could pop down at 2.30pm.
In the meantime I got the glue, stickers and glitter out to decorate a box for her new (secondhand) DS to go in for special time.
So I went to the school and waited for the play therapist...
PT: so what can I do for you?
Me: I was just wondering if there is anything you can suggest I do at home with dinky and also to ask how you think she is doing here.
PT: ok, I'm no expert in what you could do at home I'm a play expert. In her play she seems stuck in that 3 year old stage rather than almost 5. What are the problems you face at home and how have you tried to resolve it?
Me: Well, dinky doesn't like change to her routine, she like to know exactly what is going on. So I have drawn some pictures with times to give her an idea of what the day is like. The routine varies too much at the weekend to have separate pictures for the weekend. So she keeps asking when lunch is. Also she asks for programmes that are weekdays only, then can get really aggressive, and throws toddler tantrums.
PT: what do you do when she physically attacks you?
Me: it depends on what she is doing. If its the head butting and the punching or kicking then I push her away until she has calmed down enough for a cuddle, because she normally cries afterwards. If she is full out frenzy attack, then I have to restrain her. Which is not easy especially in public. She knows the biggest way to get me to let go when we are out is to say I'm hurting her. She knows I get upset by it because she knows I wouldn't hurt her. I'm just holding her. It's difficult.
PT: hmm, she has got it sussed, terrible two type tantrum with partial 4 year old reasoning...routine is good though, It offers her stability. That is what she needs... She needs stability more than anything. In her play she seems very insecure, last week it was the moving out of the house and this week it has been having no where to live. It is a really big thing for her.
Me: I didn't realise she Understood we had nowhere to live. I didn't realise she understood what was going on.
PT: the play comes from the subconscious so I doubt she does really know that you had nowhere to go. She might have heard it once and kept it inside. I have said it before, for the situation you are both in you are both doing brilliantly. You both have this ability to shrug it off on the outside, but hold it all inside. You have had more practice than dinky so she still has trouble keeping it all in which is part of her behaviour issues. She needs to let it out, which she is now doing here. I think you are doing all you possibly can in what are very difficult and trying circumstances. I have grown up kids and even when they were that age I would have gone crazy if we were in that situation. I don't know how you do it, and still get her to school everyday, and on time.
Me: it kind of helps if you are a little crazy to begin with!
PT: haha, maybe you are right, maybe it does help...
Me: possibly.
PT: I will dig out some really good books on dealing with challenging behaviour, the problem is in your circumstances, stuck in one room, there isn't much, you are doing more than I would have thought of already. What do you do once you calm her down?
Me: I take 2 of her toys or 2 films, her choice. But my dad was given a DS and yesterday she had her first special time. I give her 10 minutes. If she is naughty she loses a minute. If she does something really good she earns a minute. She can't play the DS at any other time than special time. I decorated a special box for it today which is why I have odd bits of red glitter on me.
PT: that's a fantastic idea. Let me know how that one goes!
Me: I will. Ok, well I have to go because I have to get dinky. Otherwise we will have a meltdown on our hands.
PT: just quickly, are you still seeing your nurse?
Me: no I'm kind of between nurses so to speak.
PT: oh, ok, any word on when you will get someone new?
Me: not yet.
PT: leave it with me. I have their number. I'll see if I can push them along a little bit. You are both doing ok. You just both need a little support right now, which is ok. She is quite like you. Laughs off the hard things in life. She is adorable and I wish I could see her everyday.
I will get the books and get dinky's teacher to put them in her bookbag.
Me: thanks S. it was nice to catch up. Thank you for your time.
PT: anytime, and I genuinely mean that!
Get around the corner..
"MUMMY!!!"
We get home, have a lovely meal of sausage and chips (I try to treat her on play therapy days), and then she had a film followed by reading practice and then special time. She loves the DS!
And now I'm writing this in the dark in silence while she wriggles and twists and turns. My daughter is amazing! (and obviously she is the cutie!)
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
Monday, 14 January 2013
Dinky is on the SEN register for behavioural difficulties...
If thursday last week was a nightmare, today was hell!
Dinky got dressed ok, had breakfast ok, brushed her teeth ok.
She refused to listen to me when I asked her to hold my hand to cross the road. She was a little boisterous on the bus when a kid in the year above got on in town, and fell over on the way into school. So as soon as we got in we had to get her cleaned up and change her trousers. We waited for Mrs. B to hand over the antibiotics. Mrs. W the deputy head asked if she could have a quick word after I left dinky in the classroom. We handed over the medicine, and went round to the class. As soon as she had her coat and bag off she began to kick off.
"I can't do my letters, I don't know how!" She shouted, and ran out of the classroom. I had to chase her and stop her leaving the early years part of the building. She refused to go back into the classroom. Miss C came out and dinky did not want to listen so she went to get Mrs. N the class teacher. By the time Mrs. N came out dinky had run into the toilets. I coaxed her out and managed to get her into the classroom. We got her phonics book out and she found a seat. She refused to do the letters (which were ng) she did the n ok, but messed about doing the g. Then when mrs. N came over dinky decided to just do m's all over the page. Then she went under the table.
Mrs. N: dinky, why are you under the table?
Dinky: I don't want my my mummy to go home.
Mrs. N: but dinky, all the mummies and daddies have to go home.
Dinky: fine, I want to go home with Mummy then!
Mrs N: no, you can't go home, you have to be in school.
Dinky: NO! I DON'T WANT TO STAY WITHOUT MUMMY!
And off she went. I went after her and found her hiding in the library. Mrs B the school nurse came out, she managed to get dinky to come with me to the deputy head's office because she likes the deputy head's bracelets. The deputy head tried to get dinky into her classroom but she held onto my leg and wouldn't let go. Another 5 minutes went by with both mrs B and the deputy head trying to prise dinky off me. A brainwave got dinky off me, she was allowed to pick a teddy from the library area to take into class.
So at 9.15 dinky was in class. Finally.
I sat down in the deputy head's office and we both breathed a sigh of relief.
Dinky has now been put on the SEN register for behavioural problems. So she is now classed as a special needs child. She said she wanted to talk to me because they think dinky needs to have a risk assessment done so that all the teachers are aware of what to do if dinky runs off, but also to make them aware of the fact that they could end up being hurt if dinky becomes aggressive and violent. The plan is especially important for 8.30-9am and 2.30-2.50pm when the gates are open.
I asked if we could put something into place when for when I leave after phonics, as it is very difficult for me to leave without someone to hand her off to so I know she is safe, especially after Monday when she ran after me after the doors were closed. I had to take her back and none of the teachers knew she had gone. So dinky's favourite TA is going to be asked to meet me at 8.40am after we've finished the phonics to take dinky to do a special job (probably to go and get the milk cartons or to go get her sticker for going into school wearing her school shoes).
We discussed the CAF. It will be just the three of them and me. Which is fine. The outcome should be a CAF meeting with CAMHS, and other services. There will be the possibility of a TAC (team around the child) forming.
Also because of dinky's new status as 'special needs' there are a few places I might be able to take dinky. She might not be eligible for it because all she has noted (at the moment) are behavioural issues. Nothing has been mentioned about her emotional problems but I will have to make that clear during the CAF.
I will have to go back in and sign the risk assessment at some point this week. Hopefully the TA will be there tomorrow to take dinky so she is safe. Although there shouldn't be too much of an issue as she has play therapy tomorrow so will be much happier to go in.
Dinky got dressed ok, had breakfast ok, brushed her teeth ok.
She refused to listen to me when I asked her to hold my hand to cross the road. She was a little boisterous on the bus when a kid in the year above got on in town, and fell over on the way into school. So as soon as we got in we had to get her cleaned up and change her trousers. We waited for Mrs. B to hand over the antibiotics. Mrs. W the deputy head asked if she could have a quick word after I left dinky in the classroom. We handed over the medicine, and went round to the class. As soon as she had her coat and bag off she began to kick off.
"I can't do my letters, I don't know how!" She shouted, and ran out of the classroom. I had to chase her and stop her leaving the early years part of the building. She refused to go back into the classroom. Miss C came out and dinky did not want to listen so she went to get Mrs. N the class teacher. By the time Mrs. N came out dinky had run into the toilets. I coaxed her out and managed to get her into the classroom. We got her phonics book out and she found a seat. She refused to do the letters (which were ng) she did the n ok, but messed about doing the g. Then when mrs. N came over dinky decided to just do m's all over the page. Then she went under the table.
Mrs. N: dinky, why are you under the table?
Dinky: I don't want my my mummy to go home.
Mrs. N: but dinky, all the mummies and daddies have to go home.
Dinky: fine, I want to go home with Mummy then!
Mrs N: no, you can't go home, you have to be in school.
Dinky: NO! I DON'T WANT TO STAY WITHOUT MUMMY!
And off she went. I went after her and found her hiding in the library. Mrs B the school nurse came out, she managed to get dinky to come with me to the deputy head's office because she likes the deputy head's bracelets. The deputy head tried to get dinky into her classroom but she held onto my leg and wouldn't let go. Another 5 minutes went by with both mrs B and the deputy head trying to prise dinky off me. A brainwave got dinky off me, she was allowed to pick a teddy from the library area to take into class.
So at 9.15 dinky was in class. Finally.
I sat down in the deputy head's office and we both breathed a sigh of relief.
Dinky has now been put on the SEN register for behavioural problems. So she is now classed as a special needs child. She said she wanted to talk to me because they think dinky needs to have a risk assessment done so that all the teachers are aware of what to do if dinky runs off, but also to make them aware of the fact that they could end up being hurt if dinky becomes aggressive and violent. The plan is especially important for 8.30-9am and 2.30-2.50pm when the gates are open.
I asked if we could put something into place when for when I leave after phonics, as it is very difficult for me to leave without someone to hand her off to so I know she is safe, especially after Monday when she ran after me after the doors were closed. I had to take her back and none of the teachers knew she had gone. So dinky's favourite TA is going to be asked to meet me at 8.40am after we've finished the phonics to take dinky to do a special job (probably to go and get the milk cartons or to go get her sticker for going into school wearing her school shoes).
We discussed the CAF. It will be just the three of them and me. Which is fine. The outcome should be a CAF meeting with CAMHS, and other services. There will be the possibility of a TAC (team around the child) forming.
Also because of dinky's new status as 'special needs' there are a few places I might be able to take dinky. She might not be eligible for it because all she has noted (at the moment) are behavioural issues. Nothing has been mentioned about her emotional problems but I will have to make that clear during the CAF.
I will have to go back in and sign the risk assessment at some point this week. Hopefully the TA will be there tomorrow to take dinky so she is safe. Although there shouldn't be too much of an issue as she has play therapy tomorrow so will be much happier to go in.
Sunday, 13 January 2013
This weeks reflection and planning for next week and CAF
Sunday is my day to reflect on the week and work out the plan for next week.
The problem is I'm still waiting for lots of things so I will have to play it by ear mostly.
Reflections on last week...
Well,
Monday was the breast clinic appointment, and Dinky went to school after having 2 weeks off.
Tuesday, met the mind advocate, and Dinky ended up at the urgent treatment centre.
Wednesday, I signed the letter for CMHT, spoke to S too.
Thursday, dinky had a hard day at school
Friday, I found out about the school's decision to hold a CAF meeting for dinky, spoke to the play therapist and with dinky's teacher after school for 10 minutes.
Saturday, my dad came up, dinky was playing with the older kids that only stay here Friday night.
So it's been an odd sort of week.
Dinky's hand is so much better now. They put this special gauze on her hand which promotes healing and gave me the rest of the sheet. I think it has done wonders.
I'm glad the stuff with S is sorted. The breast clinic I'd rather forget about, and the CAF I can't stop thinking about.
Plans for next week...
Monday= Bidding day, if any actionable post comes, action it. Also text the play therapist and ask to arrange a chat about dinky and what I can do to help and ask if she is coming to the CAF meeting. Speak to deputy head to find out more about the CAF meeting
Tuesday, see the play therapist if she is available, check post action anything if it comes.
Wednesday, nothing planned (check post)
Thursday nothing planned (check post)
Friday, blood donation
Saturday, dad is coming up
I spent much of today thinking about the CAF meeting and what it entails. I looked on the local county council website. Basically both the school and I answer loads of questions on the following...
DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHILD
• Section A - Health
• Section B - Emotional and Social Development
• Section C - Behavioural Development
• Section D - Identity - including Self Esteem, Self Image & Social Presentation
• Section E - Family & Social Relationships
• Section F - Self Care Skills & Independence
• Section G - Learning
PARENT(S)
• Section A - Basic Care & Ensuring Safety
• Section B - Emotional Warmth & Stability
• Section C - Guidance, Boundaries and Stimulation
FAMILY & ENVIRONMENTAL
• Section A - Family History, Functioning & Well-being
• Section B - Wider Family
• Section C - Housing, employment and financial considerations
• Section D - Social & Community Factors & Resources
So far I know that the head teacher, deputy head, dinky's class teacher and myself are going to be there. I will ask the deputy head tomorrow if anyone else is attending this meeting.
Just with the three of them there I can see it being difficult. Especially when it gets to parent(s) and family & environmental, we all already know dinky's development stuff.
These are some of the questions to consider in the CAF.. This entry would be too long if I listed all the yes and no answers.... So these are the no and nearly no's and really positive yes answers
PARENT(S)
• Set up and maintain a household and its essential furniture.... HMM, I can do it but don't have it.
• Keep house clean and tidy...... YES AND ISH... My place is always clean but not always tidy
• Protects from unsafe adults... YES, which is why she doesn't see my mother
• Feels mentally well... NOT SO MUCH
• Avoids illegal substances...MOSTLY, I have occasionally smoked cannabis but not often or a lot
Section B
Emotional Warmth & Stability
• Live at the same address for a reasonable length of time... NO, dinky has lived in 5 places in 4 years.
• There is a consistent parent... YES...ME
• Contact is maintained with important family members...YES, I try to make sure it is it's everyone else who doesn't keep up with it
Section C
Guidance, Boundaries and Stimulation
• Manage the behaviour of the child ... NOT ALWAYS
• Want the best for the child... MOST DEFINITELY
FAMILY AND ENVIRONMENTAL
Section A
Family History, Functioning & Well-being
The impact of family situations and experiences
(I just hope they don't want my childhood history)
My dad is physically and mentally fine
Dinky's grandma is in remission from bowel cancer and is recovering still from a nasty break in her leg but is mentally stable
Section B Wider Family
Whether there is an appropriate level of help for the child, young person or parent(s) / carer(s) from relatives and others
• Family has positive relationship with their extended family... NO
• Family has positive relationship with others in the neighbourhood...NO
• Family receives appropriate support from their family...NOT REALLY. My dad sort of... No one else can be bothered.
• Family receives appropriate support from others in the neighbourhood...NO
Section C
Housing, employment and financial considerations
Housing
Whether the accommodation has everything needed for living healthily and safely
• Lives in a house that is big enough.... NO
• Accommodation is weather and water tight...YES
• Accommodation has water, heating, cooking, toilet and bathing facilities...YES
• Accommodation is clean, hygienic and safe... MOSTLY
• Accommodation is not shared with another family/household... NO
Employment
• Parent has regular employment ... NO
• If unemployed are actively seeking employment... YES
Section D
Social & Community Factors & Resources
Explores the wider context of child's neighbourhood and its impact on the child, including details of facilities and services available
• Lives in an area that has good transport links... MOSTLY
• Lives in an area that has good age appropriate facilities i.e. youth clubs and sports facilities..YES
• Lives in an area that has easy access to schools and shops... NO, well not to dinky's school, and it's a pain in the backside to go to the shops. Especially seeing as the road from the hostel has no pavements and it is always a battle if dinky plays up to feel she is safe of that road.
hopefully it won't be too bad. I just have to make sure I know who is going to be there so there is no shock on the day. It would help if the play therapist is there because she has already asked me all my history. It would certainly make it easier.
The problem is I'm still waiting for lots of things so I will have to play it by ear mostly.
Reflections on last week...
Well,
Monday was the breast clinic appointment, and Dinky went to school after having 2 weeks off.
Tuesday, met the mind advocate, and Dinky ended up at the urgent treatment centre.
Wednesday, I signed the letter for CMHT, spoke to S too.
Thursday, dinky had a hard day at school
Friday, I found out about the school's decision to hold a CAF meeting for dinky, spoke to the play therapist and with dinky's teacher after school for 10 minutes.
Saturday, my dad came up, dinky was playing with the older kids that only stay here Friday night.
So it's been an odd sort of week.
Dinky's hand is so much better now. They put this special gauze on her hand which promotes healing and gave me the rest of the sheet. I think it has done wonders.
I'm glad the stuff with S is sorted. The breast clinic I'd rather forget about, and the CAF I can't stop thinking about.
Plans for next week...
Monday= Bidding day, if any actionable post comes, action it. Also text the play therapist and ask to arrange a chat about dinky and what I can do to help and ask if she is coming to the CAF meeting. Speak to deputy head to find out more about the CAF meeting
Tuesday, see the play therapist if she is available, check post action anything if it comes.
Wednesday, nothing planned (check post)
Thursday nothing planned (check post)
Friday, blood donation
Saturday, dad is coming up
I spent much of today thinking about the CAF meeting and what it entails. I looked on the local county council website. Basically both the school and I answer loads of questions on the following...
DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHILD
• Section A - Health
• Section B - Emotional and Social Development
• Section C - Behavioural Development
• Section D - Identity - including Self Esteem, Self Image & Social Presentation
• Section E - Family & Social Relationships
• Section F - Self Care Skills & Independence
• Section G - Learning
PARENT(S)
• Section A - Basic Care & Ensuring Safety
• Section B - Emotional Warmth & Stability
• Section C - Guidance, Boundaries and Stimulation
FAMILY & ENVIRONMENTAL
• Section A - Family History, Functioning & Well-being
• Section B - Wider Family
• Section C - Housing, employment and financial considerations
• Section D - Social & Community Factors & Resources
So far I know that the head teacher, deputy head, dinky's class teacher and myself are going to be there. I will ask the deputy head tomorrow if anyone else is attending this meeting.
Just with the three of them there I can see it being difficult. Especially when it gets to parent(s) and family & environmental, we all already know dinky's development stuff.
These are some of the questions to consider in the CAF.. This entry would be too long if I listed all the yes and no answers.... So these are the no and nearly no's and really positive yes answers
PARENT(S)
• Set up and maintain a household and its essential furniture.... HMM, I can do it but don't have it.
• Keep house clean and tidy...... YES AND ISH... My place is always clean but not always tidy
• Protects from unsafe adults... YES, which is why she doesn't see my mother
• Feels mentally well... NOT SO MUCH
• Avoids illegal substances...MOSTLY, I have occasionally smoked cannabis but not often or a lot
Section B
Emotional Warmth & Stability
• Live at the same address for a reasonable length of time... NO, dinky has lived in 5 places in 4 years.
• There is a consistent parent... YES...ME
• Contact is maintained with important family members...YES, I try to make sure it is it's everyone else who doesn't keep up with it
Section C
Guidance, Boundaries and Stimulation
• Manage the behaviour of the child ... NOT ALWAYS
• Want the best for the child... MOST DEFINITELY
FAMILY AND ENVIRONMENTAL
Section A
Family History, Functioning & Well-being
The impact of family situations and experiences
(I just hope they don't want my childhood history)
My dad is physically and mentally fine
Dinky's grandma is in remission from bowel cancer and is recovering still from a nasty break in her leg but is mentally stable
Section B Wider Family
Whether there is an appropriate level of help for the child, young person or parent(s) / carer(s) from relatives and others
• Family has positive relationship with their extended family... NO
• Family has positive relationship with others in the neighbourhood...NO
• Family receives appropriate support from their family...NOT REALLY. My dad sort of... No one else can be bothered.
• Family receives appropriate support from others in the neighbourhood...NO
Section C
Housing, employment and financial considerations
Housing
Whether the accommodation has everything needed for living healthily and safely
• Lives in a house that is big enough.... NO
• Accommodation is weather and water tight...YES
• Accommodation has water, heating, cooking, toilet and bathing facilities...YES
• Accommodation is clean, hygienic and safe... MOSTLY
• Accommodation is not shared with another family/household... NO
Employment
• Parent has regular employment ... NO
• If unemployed are actively seeking employment... YES
Section D
Social & Community Factors & Resources
Explores the wider context of child's neighbourhood and its impact on the child, including details of facilities and services available
• Lives in an area that has good transport links... MOSTLY
• Lives in an area that has good age appropriate facilities i.e. youth clubs and sports facilities..YES
• Lives in an area that has easy access to schools and shops... NO, well not to dinky's school, and it's a pain in the backside to go to the shops. Especially seeing as the road from the hostel has no pavements and it is always a battle if dinky plays up to feel she is safe of that road.
hopefully it won't be too bad. I just have to make sure I know who is going to be there so there is no shock on the day. It would help if the play therapist is there because she has already asked me all my history. It would certainly make it easier.
Saturday, 12 January 2013
Here in the hostel
Now, I have lived in three temporary accommodation places.
There was the foyer. That was a big building with flats upstairs with 4 rooms a shower, toilet and kitchen, and downstairs were beds it's and one bedroom flats. We had a security guard at night, and key workers 9-5 as it was a place for homeless 16-25 year olds. I went in there when I was 18. There were fights, parties, a wrecked common area, and quite a bit of drink and drugs. I spent two years there. I came to be respected by all the residents and staff, I had a lot of the more popular gang in my room most evenings especially when I was on move on and had one of the downstairs bedsits, but I quite liked it there.
There was the B&B. It wasn't a bed and breakfast as you would think. Double security front door, cameras everywhere but the bathrooms and bedrooms, a communal living room, a communal kitchen and a garden. The breakfast was a carton of fruit juice and 2 pints of milk once a week and bread, tea, coffee, sugar and cornflakes in the kitchen. The support workers would come in around 10am and check the cameras from the previous 24 hours, even though someone watched the cameras pretty much 24/7 anyway, but just in case they missed something they would check. It was dinky and me, a 46 year old bloke, a 22 year old who was under mental health for being severely anorexic, a 17 year old who had her son removed by social services, an 19 year old who had just been released from prison for ABH, an 18 year old who, as soon as his money came in spent it on weed, and finally, after a couple of weeks a 20 year old came who also had her child removed from her by social services. Sounds grim right? Actually I'm not one to judge. The 19 year old who just got released from prison was a really nice lad who had a heart of gold, myself and the 22 year old got on really well, the two who lost their children were nice enough but struggled a lot with the fact I had dinky with me, the 18 year old just needed a role model, someone to look up to and give him a sense of direction in his life, the 46 year old, well he was a law unto himself and made most people very uncomfortable. Both dinky and I quite liked it there, everyone was considerate of dinky's bedtime, they all joined in dinky's games, and when she was asleep we all chatted away in the communal living area.
Then we were moved out of the B&B into this family hostel. Out of all 3 places this is actually the worst place! The woman downstairs has 2 kids, a 3 year old and a 3 month old. She is playing the system and everyone knows it. She also keeps dinky up for hours with her non stop phone calls in rather loud punjabi. The punjabi doesn't bother me, it's the fact I have asked her time and time again if she could possibly keep the noise down from 6-7pm just so my daughter can get off to sleep. Which is doubly important as she feels the need to scream at her children at 4.30-5am and wake dinky. I'm pretty sure I'm the only parent with a concept of routine as the other children all aged between 18 months and 3 are screaming, shouting and running around all evening some of them right up until midnight. Last night an 18 month old and 19 month old were running about outside my room at 1 am. So it seems not very many people in this place value sleep! Although before the woman downstairs had her 2nd child she complained to the council that my daughter woke her up at 6.30 am playing in the morning. The council laughed at her because most kids are up around that time. There is just a general lack of consideration for others in this place. Not just the fact none of them are bothered that others might be sleeping, but I've had my dinner turned off because the person didn't check if there was anything in the oven before turning the cooker off, if you aren't taking your washing out as soon as it is finished it is dumped unceremoniously on the top and then wet clothes are removed from the dryers so they can be used, not thinking to check whose washing it is or just letting the person know that their washing has finished, or even just waiting until the machines are empty. I think the worst part was being called racist by the woman downstairs because I didn't like her putting the heating up a 26 degrees.
To be honest I would much rather be back under constant surveillance with the teenagers than live here! Still, it shouldnt be too much longer, maybe around April time if the right area comes up we will be housed. I still bid every Monday, it does get a little depressing when you realise you are no where near the top of the list. Our time will come... For now, we just have to suck it up and get on with it!
There was the foyer. That was a big building with flats upstairs with 4 rooms a shower, toilet and kitchen, and downstairs were beds it's and one bedroom flats. We had a security guard at night, and key workers 9-5 as it was a place for homeless 16-25 year olds. I went in there when I was 18. There were fights, parties, a wrecked common area, and quite a bit of drink and drugs. I spent two years there. I came to be respected by all the residents and staff, I had a lot of the more popular gang in my room most evenings especially when I was on move on and had one of the downstairs bedsits, but I quite liked it there.
There was the B&B. It wasn't a bed and breakfast as you would think. Double security front door, cameras everywhere but the bathrooms and bedrooms, a communal living room, a communal kitchen and a garden. The breakfast was a carton of fruit juice and 2 pints of milk once a week and bread, tea, coffee, sugar and cornflakes in the kitchen. The support workers would come in around 10am and check the cameras from the previous 24 hours, even though someone watched the cameras pretty much 24/7 anyway, but just in case they missed something they would check. It was dinky and me, a 46 year old bloke, a 22 year old who was under mental health for being severely anorexic, a 17 year old who had her son removed by social services, an 19 year old who had just been released from prison for ABH, an 18 year old who, as soon as his money came in spent it on weed, and finally, after a couple of weeks a 20 year old came who also had her child removed from her by social services. Sounds grim right? Actually I'm not one to judge. The 19 year old who just got released from prison was a really nice lad who had a heart of gold, myself and the 22 year old got on really well, the two who lost their children were nice enough but struggled a lot with the fact I had dinky with me, the 18 year old just needed a role model, someone to look up to and give him a sense of direction in his life, the 46 year old, well he was a law unto himself and made most people very uncomfortable. Both dinky and I quite liked it there, everyone was considerate of dinky's bedtime, they all joined in dinky's games, and when she was asleep we all chatted away in the communal living area.
Then we were moved out of the B&B into this family hostel. Out of all 3 places this is actually the worst place! The woman downstairs has 2 kids, a 3 year old and a 3 month old. She is playing the system and everyone knows it. She also keeps dinky up for hours with her non stop phone calls in rather loud punjabi. The punjabi doesn't bother me, it's the fact I have asked her time and time again if she could possibly keep the noise down from 6-7pm just so my daughter can get off to sleep. Which is doubly important as she feels the need to scream at her children at 4.30-5am and wake dinky. I'm pretty sure I'm the only parent with a concept of routine as the other children all aged between 18 months and 3 are screaming, shouting and running around all evening some of them right up until midnight. Last night an 18 month old and 19 month old were running about outside my room at 1 am. So it seems not very many people in this place value sleep! Although before the woman downstairs had her 2nd child she complained to the council that my daughter woke her up at 6.30 am playing in the morning. The council laughed at her because most kids are up around that time. There is just a general lack of consideration for others in this place. Not just the fact none of them are bothered that others might be sleeping, but I've had my dinner turned off because the person didn't check if there was anything in the oven before turning the cooker off, if you aren't taking your washing out as soon as it is finished it is dumped unceremoniously on the top and then wet clothes are removed from the dryers so they can be used, not thinking to check whose washing it is or just letting the person know that their washing has finished, or even just waiting until the machines are empty. I think the worst part was being called racist by the woman downstairs because I didn't like her putting the heating up a 26 degrees.
To be honest I would much rather be back under constant surveillance with the teenagers than live here! Still, it shouldnt be too much longer, maybe around April time if the right area comes up we will be housed. I still bid every Monday, it does get a little depressing when you realise you are no where near the top of the list. Our time will come... For now, we just have to suck it up and get on with it!
Friday, 11 January 2013
Deputy head and play therapist going the extra mile!
Apart from the fact I was pretty annoyed yesterday at the school for letting her get her hand wet, the school have been great today.
I got to the school at 8.20, went to the office to ask to drop dinky's antibiotics off. I got in and the school nurse wasn't there so we waited with one of the lads dinky knows. The deputy head came over to see me and dinky. She told me that she had spoken to dinky's play therapist and her class teacher and they had set a date to do a common assessment framework form (more commonly known as a CAF), the deputy head is sick of waiting for the integrated services to get their act together, so they are being proactive. It sounds quite positive, it's basically the form integrated services would do. It indicates all the issues we are facing as a family.
The teacher told me they had set it for the 25th January at 9am.
I booked dinkys party at wacky warehouse! She is going to be over the moon. I've stopped smoking for 5 days and had saved enough for the deposit for the party! So all good there.
I got home and then got a call from the play therapist.
She asked how Christmas was. I told her it wasn't great but it was the best I could do. She told me that dinky was doing really well given the circumstances. She had started playing out the move from the house we lived in with C and P. She is very angry at the whole situation.
Dinky has also said she feels like she doesn't belong anywhere. Which breaks my heart. she doesn't connect with her peers and spends more of her playtime with older kids. The play therapist says it stands to reason given that dinky has had a lot going on and therefore is mature in certain aspects and is quite bright so feels more equal to the older kids. I knew dinky spent her playtime with older kids and was a little concerned that she only wanted to invite 2 children in her year group, one from her class and one from the neighbouring class, other than that it is all year one and two students. She also commented on dinky's refusal to go into school without kicking off because I'm not there. She said I am dinky's only stability in life so she doesn't feel safe without me there. Which again is heart breaking. Dinky is also refusing to do schoolwork again, and the new TA can't get her to do anything and nor can the teacher.
She said not to get too disheartened. She says it is amazing that we are doing as well as we are given the circumstances. It really doesn't feel like it. The play therapist said she wished that she could do more to help dinky, she said if she could see her everyday she would as dinky gets really excited knowing she is going to see her. It is the only day she eats, brushes her teeth, gets dressed without any fuss. She walks nicely to the bus stop, plays on my iPhone nicely, and doesn't create complete havoc in the playground before school, just a little bit of chaos! Which is fine, she wouldn't be dinky if she didn't! She has a big smile on her face which is the biggest difference.
I'm glad she has one day where she is happy to be at school and gets so much out of it.
So 25th Jan, CAF form. And go from there!
I might have a chat with her teacher today after school, it seems that her teacher is finally taking this whole situation more seriously.
Let's see
I got to the school at 8.20, went to the office to ask to drop dinky's antibiotics off. I got in and the school nurse wasn't there so we waited with one of the lads dinky knows. The deputy head came over to see me and dinky. She told me that she had spoken to dinky's play therapist and her class teacher and they had set a date to do a common assessment framework form (more commonly known as a CAF), the deputy head is sick of waiting for the integrated services to get their act together, so they are being proactive. It sounds quite positive, it's basically the form integrated services would do. It indicates all the issues we are facing as a family.
The teacher told me they had set it for the 25th January at 9am.
I booked dinkys party at wacky warehouse! She is going to be over the moon. I've stopped smoking for 5 days and had saved enough for the deposit for the party! So all good there.
I got home and then got a call from the play therapist.
She asked how Christmas was. I told her it wasn't great but it was the best I could do. She told me that dinky was doing really well given the circumstances. She had started playing out the move from the house we lived in with C and P. She is very angry at the whole situation.
Dinky has also said she feels like she doesn't belong anywhere. Which breaks my heart. she doesn't connect with her peers and spends more of her playtime with older kids. The play therapist says it stands to reason given that dinky has had a lot going on and therefore is mature in certain aspects and is quite bright so feels more equal to the older kids. I knew dinky spent her playtime with older kids and was a little concerned that she only wanted to invite 2 children in her year group, one from her class and one from the neighbouring class, other than that it is all year one and two students. She also commented on dinky's refusal to go into school without kicking off because I'm not there. She said I am dinky's only stability in life so she doesn't feel safe without me there. Which again is heart breaking. Dinky is also refusing to do schoolwork again, and the new TA can't get her to do anything and nor can the teacher.
She said not to get too disheartened. She says it is amazing that we are doing as well as we are given the circumstances. It really doesn't feel like it. The play therapist said she wished that she could do more to help dinky, she said if she could see her everyday she would as dinky gets really excited knowing she is going to see her. It is the only day she eats, brushes her teeth, gets dressed without any fuss. She walks nicely to the bus stop, plays on my iPhone nicely, and doesn't create complete havoc in the playground before school, just a little bit of chaos! Which is fine, she wouldn't be dinky if she didn't! She has a big smile on her face which is the biggest difference.
I'm glad she has one day where she is happy to be at school and gets so much out of it.
So 25th Jan, CAF form. And go from there!
I might have a chat with her teacher today after school, it seems that her teacher is finally taking this whole situation more seriously.
Let's see
Thursday, 10 January 2013
Dinky's not so good day at school...
Dinky got up for school just fine, had breakfast, brushed her teeth, got dressed, and was really excited to wear her new trainers to school. I told her she would have to change her into her school shoes once we got there. She was fine.
We got to the school and she wouldn't change her shoes. Normally it would be a big argument and she would lash out but give in eventually. I didn't want to have the big argument with her. I especially didn't want her lashing out with her hand wrapped in a bandage for school. She refused point blank to change her shoes. I told her she would have to tell Mrs. N that she was being naughty and wouldn't put her school shoes on. She said "fine I'll tell mrs. N that I want to wear my new trainers and that I don't want to wear my shoes!"
So dinky tells mrs. N just that. The teacher tried to get dinky to put her shoes on. Nope, she wasn't having any of it. I told her I would have made dinky put them on but I didn't want to battle with her this morning. The teacher seemed ok with it and said she would deal with it.
Dinky got her phonics book we were doing 'th' today. She did ok. It was harder for her with the bandage on her right hand. I reminded the teacher that dinky was not to get her hand wet.
I went to leave but dinky didn't want me to go. She grabbed hold of my leg and wouldn't let go. I bent down to her level for a hug and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I could not get her off. I tried to get miss C the TA but dinky didn't want to go with her. If mrs. H had of been there dinky would have gone with her, possibly with a little protesting. Miss. C just doesn't have the same connection with the kids. I tried to stand up but dinky's arms were wrapped tight round my neck, so I picked her up and gave her a big cuddle and a kiss. I tried to put her down but she wouldn't have any of it. She started crying and I didn't know what to do. Mrs. N was busy with another screaming child and Miss. C was getting nowhere. Miss. C told dinky that we should go see Mrs. B, the school nurse. So we went to go give her dinky's antibiotics. It took both Mrs. B and her assistant to get dinky off me and I had to walk away from my screaming child.
There is nothing more heartbreaking than walking away from your child who is screaming for you. When I got home I got a call from Mrs. B. it took a little while but they managed to calm dinky down, and she was settled in the classroom by 10am.
I was so tired I fell asleep at 11am and got up at 1pm. I went to the shops before getting to the school. I wanted to see the deputy head to find out if they had heard anything from integrated services yet, but she was busy. So I went to get dinky's medicine and waited for her to come out.
As soon as she got to me I checked her hand and it was soaking wet! One thing! I only asked them to do one thing! "please make sure dinky doesn't get her hand wet because it increases the risk of infection". It was a good thing I brought a spare dressing with me!
She had been ok, but 'very defiant and challenging'. Great.
She wasn't too bad on the way home. Very clingy, but ok. I checked the kitchen for any post, nothing. I'm hoping the integrated services come through soon.
I better get off, dinky is watching jungle book, leaning on my legs as I type. I have to do her dinner, and work out how the hell I'm going to bath her and make sure she doesn't get her hand wet. Maybe a shower?
We got to the school and she wouldn't change her shoes. Normally it would be a big argument and she would lash out but give in eventually. I didn't want to have the big argument with her. I especially didn't want her lashing out with her hand wrapped in a bandage for school. She refused point blank to change her shoes. I told her she would have to tell Mrs. N that she was being naughty and wouldn't put her school shoes on. She said "fine I'll tell mrs. N that I want to wear my new trainers and that I don't want to wear my shoes!"
So dinky tells mrs. N just that. The teacher tried to get dinky to put her shoes on. Nope, she wasn't having any of it. I told her I would have made dinky put them on but I didn't want to battle with her this morning. The teacher seemed ok with it and said she would deal with it.
Dinky got her phonics book we were doing 'th' today. She did ok. It was harder for her with the bandage on her right hand. I reminded the teacher that dinky was not to get her hand wet.
I went to leave but dinky didn't want me to go. She grabbed hold of my leg and wouldn't let go. I bent down to her level for a hug and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I could not get her off. I tried to get miss C the TA but dinky didn't want to go with her. If mrs. H had of been there dinky would have gone with her, possibly with a little protesting. Miss. C just doesn't have the same connection with the kids. I tried to stand up but dinky's arms were wrapped tight round my neck, so I picked her up and gave her a big cuddle and a kiss. I tried to put her down but she wouldn't have any of it. She started crying and I didn't know what to do. Mrs. N was busy with another screaming child and Miss. C was getting nowhere. Miss. C told dinky that we should go see Mrs. B, the school nurse. So we went to go give her dinky's antibiotics. It took both Mrs. B and her assistant to get dinky off me and I had to walk away from my screaming child.
There is nothing more heartbreaking than walking away from your child who is screaming for you. When I got home I got a call from Mrs. B. it took a little while but they managed to calm dinky down, and she was settled in the classroom by 10am.
I was so tired I fell asleep at 11am and got up at 1pm. I went to the shops before getting to the school. I wanted to see the deputy head to find out if they had heard anything from integrated services yet, but she was busy. So I went to get dinky's medicine and waited for her to come out.
As soon as she got to me I checked her hand and it was soaking wet! One thing! I only asked them to do one thing! "please make sure dinky doesn't get her hand wet because it increases the risk of infection". It was a good thing I brought a spare dressing with me!
She had been ok, but 'very defiant and challenging'. Great.
She wasn't too bad on the way home. Very clingy, but ok. I checked the kitchen for any post, nothing. I'm hoping the integrated services come through soon.
I better get off, dinky is watching jungle book, leaning on my legs as I type. I have to do her dinner, and work out how the hell I'm going to bath her and make sure she doesn't get her hand wet. Maybe a shower?
Wednesday, 9 January 2013
Awkward and uncomfortable situation NOT avoided...
Dinky wanted to go to school, so she did.
I got home and waited for the mind advocate to drop by with the letter requesting a change in nurses. My phone rang, I forgot to save her number but the first 5 numbers were the same as hers so I picked up.
"hi, is this *****? This is S from CMHT."
Shit! I was so not in the mood to talk to her! I was irritable, and annoyed that she had already spoken to the mind advocate and still decided to contact me.
I think S might have some self esteem issues of her own! She asked me how I was and I said 'fine' and she said I seemed off with her. I wasn't showing that I was annoyed by her in the beginning of her conversation but in that moment I started to get annoyed with her. I just am not 100% at the moment. I said " ok maybe I'm not fine, but I will be." she repeated it and asked if I wanted to talk about it. "no not really" she asked how my Christmas was. I did get a little short with her, "crap, I was in a hostel with my kid." she asked if dinky liked her space toys. This just shows she wasn't bloody listening. Yes dinky is still into space but she already has a ton of space toys and wanted avengers and jake and the Neverland pirate toys. I just said yes. It's easier than explaining that she was wrong. I understand she has lots of people to see and can't remember everyones little bits and pieces but you'd think she would make accurate notes and have them in front of her when making that call. Maybe not! She asked if I wanted to make another appointment with her. I said not right now. This is where it gets awkward and I get bloody annoyed and have to act civilly and hold my tongue.
S: well. It is ok if you don't want to see me anymore, I can discharge you back to your GP. Or I can keep your case one with me and you can make an appointment when you feel ready.
In my head: so those are my only fucking choices? See you or go back to my GP? What about... If you don't want to see me I can get someone else to see you if you feel like you still need the support of CMHT.
While I was thinking there was a small silence
S: it is up to you, I am governed by you, if you don't feel like you are getting anything out of seeing me then I can always make recommendations to your GP maybe get you going back to the short term counselling service. Or I can leave your case open with me. What would you like to do?
Well, if she shut the case then, I wouldn't be able to change nurses, so I had to keep my case open.
Me: can you keep the case open please.
S: keep the case open?
Me: yes please.
it was so hard to sound pleasant)
S: hmm, ok, let me know if you feel like making an appointment to see me.
End of call.
Seriously! She makes out my only option is to see her or go back to my GP. Like changing isn't an option. Sometimes it feels like she just wants me to say 'yeah, just send me back to the GP', that way she wouldn't have to deal with me.
Another thing I didn't pick up on until now... She said I'm 'not mentally strong enough for counselling', yet said she would Make recommendations for me to go back to short term counselling. She contradicts herself so much. Muppet!
When the mind advocate came over I told her about the conversation. Apparently S had tried to coax info out of her too as to why I cancelled the appointment. After I told her about what I thought of the call she said it probably was best I didn't go this morning otherwise her wordings might have sparked a argument, one that I would pay the price for.
So the letter had been sent, I should hear back next week some time about changing nurses. Which will be a step in the right direction.
Why is it always so much hassle?
I got home and waited for the mind advocate to drop by with the letter requesting a change in nurses. My phone rang, I forgot to save her number but the first 5 numbers were the same as hers so I picked up.
"hi, is this *****? This is S from CMHT."
Shit! I was so not in the mood to talk to her! I was irritable, and annoyed that she had already spoken to the mind advocate and still decided to contact me.
I think S might have some self esteem issues of her own! She asked me how I was and I said 'fine' and she said I seemed off with her. I wasn't showing that I was annoyed by her in the beginning of her conversation but in that moment I started to get annoyed with her. I just am not 100% at the moment. I said " ok maybe I'm not fine, but I will be." she repeated it and asked if I wanted to talk about it. "no not really" she asked how my Christmas was. I did get a little short with her, "crap, I was in a hostel with my kid." she asked if dinky liked her space toys. This just shows she wasn't bloody listening. Yes dinky is still into space but she already has a ton of space toys and wanted avengers and jake and the Neverland pirate toys. I just said yes. It's easier than explaining that she was wrong. I understand she has lots of people to see and can't remember everyones little bits and pieces but you'd think she would make accurate notes and have them in front of her when making that call. Maybe not! She asked if I wanted to make another appointment with her. I said not right now. This is where it gets awkward and I get bloody annoyed and have to act civilly and hold my tongue.
S: well. It is ok if you don't want to see me anymore, I can discharge you back to your GP. Or I can keep your case one with me and you can make an appointment when you feel ready.
In my head: so those are my only fucking choices? See you or go back to my GP? What about... If you don't want to see me I can get someone else to see you if you feel like you still need the support of CMHT.
While I was thinking there was a small silence
S: it is up to you, I am governed by you, if you don't feel like you are getting anything out of seeing me then I can always make recommendations to your GP maybe get you going back to the short term counselling service. Or I can leave your case open with me. What would you like to do?
Well, if she shut the case then, I wouldn't be able to change nurses, so I had to keep my case open.
Me: can you keep the case open please.
S: keep the case open?
Me: yes please.
it was so hard to sound pleasant)
S: hmm, ok, let me know if you feel like making an appointment to see me.
End of call.
Seriously! She makes out my only option is to see her or go back to my GP. Like changing isn't an option. Sometimes it feels like she just wants me to say 'yeah, just send me back to the GP', that way she wouldn't have to deal with me.
Another thing I didn't pick up on until now... She said I'm 'not mentally strong enough for counselling', yet said she would Make recommendations for me to go back to short term counselling. She contradicts herself so much. Muppet!
When the mind advocate came over I told her about the conversation. Apparently S had tried to coax info out of her too as to why I cancelled the appointment. After I told her about what I thought of the call she said it probably was best I didn't go this morning otherwise her wordings might have sparked a argument, one that I would pay the price for.
So the letter had been sent, I should hear back next week some time about changing nurses. Which will be a step in the right direction.
Why is it always so much hassle?
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