It's has been a strange few weeks and if I'm honest I've not been on top form, I've been slightly depressed and ill with flu. I'm not sure how I am at the moment except I have loads of paperwork to sort through and lots of appointments to go to and all I want is to bury my head in the sand.
Unfortunately that is not an option.
I've signed on to job seekers, the school senco has made out that all of dinkys problems are housing related, I still haven't heard anything about a new MHN, Dinky turned 5 and I have been back to the docs about dinky and her behaviour having been told about a little known form of autism called PDA.
So first of all they had the CAF planning meeting. I wasn't allowed to go because there were 6 children being discussed at this meeting. When I went to speak to the senco (also the deputy head and our lead professional) she said that CAMHS have said dinky probably won't meet their criteria, that I should get in touch with a housing support service (which are pretty rubbish if the one I just told not to bother anymore are anything to go by) and that she will be doing a referral for the family link worker service. Which all sounds well and good except she also said that our issues are housing related so the team said that there is not much they could do and have I tried the rent deposit scheme. Urgh! Yes, the rent deposit scheme is all well and good if you can afford to pay £150 a month towards your rent even if you qualify for full housing benefit and continue to pay that £150 on top of whatever else you have to contribute when you work. Also you need a guarantor who earns over £30,000 a year and find a landlord that will accept those on income support or job seekers and a young child. I can safely say that the chances of me getting a guarantor are 0% and being able to afford £150 a month on benefit again 0% and finding a landlord who will take IS/JSA and a child next to zero. So yes I have tried that route and do they not think I would rather go private rent than live in a hostel? But I must be thick?
So a resounding flop on the senco's part of I'm honest as if she used an ounce of common sense she would see that it has been 10 months and surely dinky would settle and adapt (as most kids do) not get worse the longer time goes on. The thing that gets me is no one has thought to ask dinky whether or not she likes it here. I have. She says she likes it a bit. I ask what she doesn't like, she replies, the bumpy walls, referring to the wallpaper. Other than that she says she likes it here. She likes sharing a room with me and she likes the other kids that either live or visit here. So is it still housing related? I don't think so anymore.
So with everyone telling me there is a problem with dinky and since she went on the SEN register I went looking for parents in the same position (roughly) as I find myself in with dinky. Funnily enough after explaining about dinky and posting some of the harder days with her one person private messaged me and told me I should have a look at PDA (pathological demand avoidance).
I almost laughed when I read the description, not only does it sum dinky up in a nut shell but also 75% of the criteria was in the referral to the family link worker service written by the senco.
It makes complete sense. At Playgroup they could not dissuade her from playing her own games, and could not persuade her to paint, or join in activities, well, not unless she wanted to. However they did mention that if they asked her to she wouldn't, but if they told her it was available she was more likely to give it a go. She has got progressively worse at school, which makes sense because more and more demands are being made of her. The first half term was pretty much have fun while we work you out and then easing the kids into school life. Well for dinky it wasn't very easy for her and she does avoid tasks in quite a dramatic fashion (normally running off and hiding or pretending to go to the toilet). Of course it could have been just me right? So I phoned my dad. I read the criteria and he said it was dinky 100%. I copied it out and showed the two people who keep saying that dinky shows autistic traits and they said it was spot on. I even went as far as showing the senco who agreed it fits dinky, although she says it still may not be the case which I don't deny. I am not saying dinky definitely has PDA, but surely it is worth investigating.
Also in regards to the school the senco/lead professional/deputy, is arranging a TAC (team around the child) meeting for sometime in the next few weeks. So that should be entertaining. Especially if they refuse to listen and I have to photocopy dinkys behaviour diary that I have been keeping for the last 5 weeks. I think then they might start to pay attention to the fact that maybe all is not what it seems where dinky is concerned.
Dinky had her 5th birthday but unfortunately was ill. Which kind of sucks for her, but she had a good time.
As she turned 5 my income support ended and I'm now one of the thousands upon thousands if not millions of unemployed people in the country on JSA. Doing the online form was easy as anything, it was the fact I had to go to an appointment to finish the claim with dinky as it was half term then I had to sign on too with her there. Which wasn't the easiest of tasks as it is very hard to have a discussion when dinky is bored and doesn't want to sit in the seat.
Oh yes that's right inbetween these job centre appointments I went to the doc about dinky, to see if the dic would refer her somewhere else seeing as CAMHS have pretty much said dinky doesn't fit the criteria and I showed him the referral to the family link worker service and the criteria from the national autistic society and he said it was worth investigating as dinky was hiding under the table with the curtains drawn. She also jumped on the bed, pulled the blinds, tried to leave the room and hit me in front of the doc because I said the school can't handle her behaviour.
He said he wasn't sure of the best place to send us so he made an appointment without dinky there for Tuesday and he is going to speak to the practice partner (who did dinkys CAMHS referral) and ask her opinion.
So I have to wait until Tuesday for that one...
Other than that... Yes it has been fun.. Oh and it is inset day tomorrow so I'm taking dinky up to the soft play centre for a bit...
Fun times...
Sunday, 24 February 2013
Monday, 4 February 2013
Last week was last week- what do we have this week?
So last week dinky got a communications book that was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard or trapdoor on a boat.
I went to a housing meeting to be told by everyone I met that dinky sounds autistic/aspergers.
I got a call from the mind advocate telling me I had a new MHN, but no appointment yet.
I went to the doc who told me that I was lucky as I wasn't on the streets, who said I wasn't depressed and then the screening came back as positive for depression! Genius these docs in this surgery.
So I'm full scale ranting in my head at the moment.
Feel free to stop reading as this could take a while....
Dinky's issues first...
To be honest I'm all over the place with dinky and her issues. All these people keep mentioning autism (high functioning end) and aspergers I even had one parent tell me to look up the difference in manifestations between male and female autism as some of the stuff I have said, I have said the teacher has said, she has seen herself, it makes sense.
The school are the ones who first flagged things up but the teacher is being so difficult to get on board.
It is like it is a massive chore for her to do a communications book for dinky. Today I was furious when I read the comment! I had been standing outside the class this morning because the door was open and no member of staff was nearby, so dinky could have gone and no one would have known until the register was taken. I was watching dinky with her 'friend'. All of a sudden dinky launched herself at this 'friend' punching her in the face and falling on her at the same time. The other kid was obviously upset and got the TA, who told dinky off and made her apologise. None of the staff knew I had seen this take place. However in the comms book all I have for the entire day is 'some lovely times'. Sure, there might have been some lovely times but don't you think I should be informed that my child punched another kid in the face? Surely that shows that she is aggressive in school too, when on the CAF form the physical aggression has been marked as being a home thing! It is things like this that mean she won't get the right help because no one will be able to say what is going on without the right information. Physical aggression in class is quite a major thing. Especially as last week I witnessed dinky push another child over and be reprimanded and I had to drag her away from a fight she was having with the same kid she punched today! Surely this counts as need to know? Right?
It's like anything else with the teacher. I had no idea dinky wouldn't participate in groups until I read in her reading diary 'dinky is becoming more compliant to come and read in a group now.' it actually seems I get more information from the home reading diary than I do from the comms book! Even today there is a longer entry in the reading diary! Maybe that is why the comms book entry is so small. I don't know... Who knows what the teacher is thinking. She is probably going to the first port of call when she looks at me and sees that I look about 17 (I'm being nice!) and wear jeans and a hoody with Nike air force ones, I don't exactly look very motherly. Maybe I should change my school wardrobe and wear some jeans, black shoes/ boots or nasty sketchers trainers, with some old persons cardigan and a coat from M&S? Maybe then it won't come down to a class/age/parenting perspective. The stupid thing is the deputy is brilliant and assures me she will do what is in dinkys best interests and can see it is not a parenting issue!
There was a time where I almost smacked the health visitor because she handed me a NSPCC leaflet about not smacking your children and about listening! It took for me to prove I had done the time out for years with little or no success, I tired reward charts to little or no success, and I tried removing dinkys favourite films and toys, again little or no success. Actually there was one point when I took all dinkys films and toys and she had nothing for 3 weeks but the normal tv which was restricted heavily. She didn't really seem to care. She just looked out of the window at the horses. I have tried positive parenting strategies, and I have tried picking battles. I have read book after book on managing behaviour in toddlers and preschoolers. Some bits from some books work, other books, not so much! They had to agree I had and was trying everything.
I am such an impatient person. Now I know there may be something wrong with dinky, I want an answer like tomorrow. I don't want to do the NHS/CAMHS waiting malarkey! I want to know what is wrong if anything and if there is, what they can do about it!
I guess I probably should look up autism in girls and see what it says. Maybe I can look closer at some situations and see if she fits or not.
My issues...
Well, what can I say. I just have to wait. The doctors where I am are rubbish though. Normally there is like a one doc per surgery that treats me like I'm 10 years old but almost every doc I see is as useless as the next and all seem to use varying degrees of condesending and patronising language toward me. Oh well. I'm lucky, its not as if I'm on the streets right? Sure because everyone on the streets have children too. It is not like if I didn't have dinky I would be on the streets either. Actually I would be a supervisor or higher for the only major sports shop (and don't include the shop that had to remove sports from its name as it was a sports wear company and not a sports company there is a difference!) in the country and would still have my own flat down by the south coast. The only reason I gave it up was because I had dinky! So that's crap. And no I'm not bloody lucky... What I'm lucky that we are in a hostel? That it is me and a hyperactive nearly 5 year old who has 'behavioural and emotional difficulties' in one room? Oh I'm lucky to have undiagnosed mental health issues with the latest being PTSD and the possibility of a mood disorder? Oh so lucky! Oh and I must be so lucky to have found a lump in my breast and have to go to 4 separate appointments and strip to the waist and have memories resurface of the sexual abuse I suffered for 2 years! Yeah I'm so bloody lucky! I ooze luck! So much so that the MHN I had made me feel worse and when I try to change nurses it takes over 2 months! So lucky! And on to of all that I get to go job hunting and have my already low self esteem pushed further back by not even getting one interview from 30 job applications!
Don't you wish you were as lucky as me?
Don't get me wrong I know what he was aiming for, and I've taken it slightly out of context. I guess it is hard for those on the streets but does that make it easier for me? I'm not saying that I have it worst off in the world. I could name millions of people worse off than myself. I just think it was a rather poor use of words and a poor use of his imagination.
This week there are no suitable houses to bid on (although I'm thinking about changing schools if this teacher situation doesn't get resolved soon!), I have a job centre interview for my jobseekers allowance on the 7th, I might pop into the school tomorrow and talk to the deputy about the contact book. That's about it really...
I just mustn't forget how lucky I am!
I went to a housing meeting to be told by everyone I met that dinky sounds autistic/aspergers.
I got a call from the mind advocate telling me I had a new MHN, but no appointment yet.
I went to the doc who told me that I was lucky as I wasn't on the streets, who said I wasn't depressed and then the screening came back as positive for depression! Genius these docs in this surgery.
So I'm full scale ranting in my head at the moment.
Feel free to stop reading as this could take a while....
Dinky's issues first...
To be honest I'm all over the place with dinky and her issues. All these people keep mentioning autism (high functioning end) and aspergers I even had one parent tell me to look up the difference in manifestations between male and female autism as some of the stuff I have said, I have said the teacher has said, she has seen herself, it makes sense.
The school are the ones who first flagged things up but the teacher is being so difficult to get on board.
It is like it is a massive chore for her to do a communications book for dinky. Today I was furious when I read the comment! I had been standing outside the class this morning because the door was open and no member of staff was nearby, so dinky could have gone and no one would have known until the register was taken. I was watching dinky with her 'friend'. All of a sudden dinky launched herself at this 'friend' punching her in the face and falling on her at the same time. The other kid was obviously upset and got the TA, who told dinky off and made her apologise. None of the staff knew I had seen this take place. However in the comms book all I have for the entire day is 'some lovely times'. Sure, there might have been some lovely times but don't you think I should be informed that my child punched another kid in the face? Surely that shows that she is aggressive in school too, when on the CAF form the physical aggression has been marked as being a home thing! It is things like this that mean she won't get the right help because no one will be able to say what is going on without the right information. Physical aggression in class is quite a major thing. Especially as last week I witnessed dinky push another child over and be reprimanded and I had to drag her away from a fight she was having with the same kid she punched today! Surely this counts as need to know? Right?
It's like anything else with the teacher. I had no idea dinky wouldn't participate in groups until I read in her reading diary 'dinky is becoming more compliant to come and read in a group now.' it actually seems I get more information from the home reading diary than I do from the comms book! Even today there is a longer entry in the reading diary! Maybe that is why the comms book entry is so small. I don't know... Who knows what the teacher is thinking. She is probably going to the first port of call when she looks at me and sees that I look about 17 (I'm being nice!) and wear jeans and a hoody with Nike air force ones, I don't exactly look very motherly. Maybe I should change my school wardrobe and wear some jeans, black shoes/ boots or nasty sketchers trainers, with some old persons cardigan and a coat from M&S? Maybe then it won't come down to a class/age/parenting perspective. The stupid thing is the deputy is brilliant and assures me she will do what is in dinkys best interests and can see it is not a parenting issue!
There was a time where I almost smacked the health visitor because she handed me a NSPCC leaflet about not smacking your children and about listening! It took for me to prove I had done the time out for years with little or no success, I tired reward charts to little or no success, and I tried removing dinkys favourite films and toys, again little or no success. Actually there was one point when I took all dinkys films and toys and she had nothing for 3 weeks but the normal tv which was restricted heavily. She didn't really seem to care. She just looked out of the window at the horses. I have tried positive parenting strategies, and I have tried picking battles. I have read book after book on managing behaviour in toddlers and preschoolers. Some bits from some books work, other books, not so much! They had to agree I had and was trying everything.
I am such an impatient person. Now I know there may be something wrong with dinky, I want an answer like tomorrow. I don't want to do the NHS/CAMHS waiting malarkey! I want to know what is wrong if anything and if there is, what they can do about it!
I guess I probably should look up autism in girls and see what it says. Maybe I can look closer at some situations and see if she fits or not.
My issues...
Well, what can I say. I just have to wait. The doctors where I am are rubbish though. Normally there is like a one doc per surgery that treats me like I'm 10 years old but almost every doc I see is as useless as the next and all seem to use varying degrees of condesending and patronising language toward me. Oh well. I'm lucky, its not as if I'm on the streets right? Sure because everyone on the streets have children too. It is not like if I didn't have dinky I would be on the streets either. Actually I would be a supervisor or higher for the only major sports shop (and don't include the shop that had to remove sports from its name as it was a sports wear company and not a sports company there is a difference!) in the country and would still have my own flat down by the south coast. The only reason I gave it up was because I had dinky! So that's crap. And no I'm not bloody lucky... What I'm lucky that we are in a hostel? That it is me and a hyperactive nearly 5 year old who has 'behavioural and emotional difficulties' in one room? Oh I'm lucky to have undiagnosed mental health issues with the latest being PTSD and the possibility of a mood disorder? Oh so lucky! Oh and I must be so lucky to have found a lump in my breast and have to go to 4 separate appointments and strip to the waist and have memories resurface of the sexual abuse I suffered for 2 years! Yeah I'm so bloody lucky! I ooze luck! So much so that the MHN I had made me feel worse and when I try to change nurses it takes over 2 months! So lucky! And on to of all that I get to go job hunting and have my already low self esteem pushed further back by not even getting one interview from 30 job applications!
Don't you wish you were as lucky as me?
Don't get me wrong I know what he was aiming for, and I've taken it slightly out of context. I guess it is hard for those on the streets but does that make it easier for me? I'm not saying that I have it worst off in the world. I could name millions of people worse off than myself. I just think it was a rather poor use of words and a poor use of his imagination.
This week there are no suitable houses to bid on (although I'm thinking about changing schools if this teacher situation doesn't get resolved soon!), I have a job centre interview for my jobseekers allowance on the 7th, I might pop into the school tomorrow and talk to the deputy about the contact book. That's about it really...
I just mustn't forget how lucky I am!
Saturday, 2 February 2013
It's been an interesting couple of days... Complicated life seems such an apt name for this blog!
Maybe it's because I scored as depressed on the questionnaire or maybe it's because I'm extremely shattered, maybe it's because so much has happened or maybe it's all of it combined, but I haven't posted for a few days... So here it is...
Thursday I went to a housing meeting with a parents forum. I wasn't sure if I should be there. I was given the flyer by the deputy at dinky's school but it was for parents of kids with SEN (special educational needs). I went anyway. A Housing meeting was going to be interesting and if I had nothing to add, I had nothing to add.
Funnily enough the guest speakers from the local council Housing department didn't turn up! I'm not surprised by the reaction of some of the mums once they established the council were not coming, there was a woman from occupational therapy who was going to take questions and comments back to the council, and the poor woman got it from all angles.
One thing that came out time and time again was the councils within the whole county had the same issues. Their attitudes were bad, and the systems failed both adults and children who have disabilities or problems (including mental health).
I explained that dinky has only just been identified as SEN, but that I tried in vain to explain how much of a drastic effect moving us from one temporary accommodation to another would have on her. I was told to pack and move within 24 hours. This wasnt possible. I fought and got an extension for a few days. Even then I hadn't enough time to prepare dinky to move yet again and it did drastically effect her. Especially her behaviour. I spent weeks of being physically attacked and dealing with her meltdowns. So much so I went to the GP as I couldn't handle it. None of it mattered to the council officers.
Afterwards another mother approached and asked some questions about dinky and mentioned that her autistic son was just the same, and was dinky being assessed for autism. No, no she isn't.
Then a man approached me and told me he was from a project that offered play sessions for 5-10 year olds with SEN and disabilities. After hearing of my issues with dinky he would like to offer for dinky join the project and go to some sessions with other SEN children. I told him that dinky wasn't diagnosed with anything and he said "yes but with what you have said she will be. I've worked with kids like your daughter for 20 years."
It's good in the fact that there is a great place dinky can go but on the other hand everyone keeps telling me that there is more than a possibility my dinky is on the autism spectrum.
Friday...
Hmm, well. Friday was a very bad day for dinky.
First of all she had a fight with her friend. Well her on off friend according to the TA. The teacher just stood there. The student had to protect the other kid and I had to muscle my way past parents and kids piling into the tiny area that the fight was taking place. I grabbed hold of dinky and literally dragged her out of the classroom. She kept trying to get back in ago I had to hold her. She punched me and shoved me in front of the teacher who had come out. She ran off looking for the deputy. The welfare officer came in and tried to help. Then the deputy came. They told me to go. It is so hard to go when your kid is distressed, but I left.
I did some bits in town and then headed home. At 12.30 I got a call. I looked at my phone and it was the school. Filled with trepidation I answered. It was the deputy. She said that dinky had fallen over and another kid had picked her up and dinky said she hurt her arm. Apparently dinky hadn't used her arm for 2 hours and the deputy wanted to see what I wanted to do. There was no swelling or bruising and she didn't seem distressed at all. I said I'd pick her up and get it checked and would be there as soon as I could but it might take a while coming from the other side of town.
Well on my way to the school my phone rang again. I picked up, it was the deputy again. Dinky had made a miraculous recovery! She was fine. So I did some window shopping and picked her up at normal time.
Dinky ran off to play as soon as I picked her up. I tried to get her to come with me but she was having none of it. I asked her to hold my hand as we were about to go out of the gate and she ran off again. I went over to her and tried to calm her. She was a the point where she could go either way. Then she ran for it under the picnic table. I managed to get her to agree to come out under the table but she decided to go the side way and got herself stuck! That's when the welfare officer and the TA came out. The welfare officer said I was handling it fantastically but looked like I needed help. I told her dinky was stuck but I was fine. They stuck around anyway. Between myself and the TA we got her out and then the welfare officer spoke to dinky and she bolted again. Then another member of staff came out and was instructed to get the deputy. Dinky kicked water from the puddle she was in all over me. I got much sterner at that point. I had removed 3 minutes already but took another and demanded an apology for that.
She apologised and I managed to get her to come with me. The she ran for the gate. The deputy followed but kept her distance. Dinky ran straight up to a dog ad began stroking it. I tired to explain that I wanted to hold her hand for safety as she was running off and I needed to keep her safe and that was my job as her mummy. The deputy could see dinky was not paying me the slightest bit of attention and tried to help me explain.
Drained beyond belief I managed to get dinky to walk with me and she held my hand.
She was then fine on the bus and on the way home. She messed about a bit at home and went to bed uncharacteristically on time. Then again she spent most of her day being stubborn and running so she probably knackered herself out!
One thing that has wound me up this week that I haven't mentioned yet is the contact book.
After 3 people suggested the book and the teacher (begrudgingly) agreed to it, she hasn't exactly written anything to help me understand what she is like at school. Most of it is in direct relation to the new behaviour system dinky is on. Where she gets 5 minutes base level and gets one added for good behaviour and one taken for bad behaviour...So we have
Monday- 1 min- up and down today hopefully while she is getting used to it
Tuesday- am 9 mins- pm 6 mins- have decided to shorten the time that dinky needs to work for into 2 sessions morning and afternoon. Excellent morning/ good afternoon
Wednesday- am 2mins- pm 8mins- excellent effort all afternoon
Thursday -am 7mins- pm 4 mins- Found it more difficult this morning dipped right down to 2 mins before coming back up. Pm - bit tricky
Friday- am 4 mins- pm 4 mins- an up and down morning - an up and down afternoon too!
Os it just me or is that not very helpful at all! Thursday afternoon got me the most.. bit tricky... What does that mean? How does that help me understand anything?
Oh well, tomorrow is Sunday... Then back to business Monday morning!
Thursday I went to a housing meeting with a parents forum. I wasn't sure if I should be there. I was given the flyer by the deputy at dinky's school but it was for parents of kids with SEN (special educational needs). I went anyway. A Housing meeting was going to be interesting and if I had nothing to add, I had nothing to add.
Funnily enough the guest speakers from the local council Housing department didn't turn up! I'm not surprised by the reaction of some of the mums once they established the council were not coming, there was a woman from occupational therapy who was going to take questions and comments back to the council, and the poor woman got it from all angles.
One thing that came out time and time again was the councils within the whole county had the same issues. Their attitudes were bad, and the systems failed both adults and children who have disabilities or problems (including mental health).
I explained that dinky has only just been identified as SEN, but that I tried in vain to explain how much of a drastic effect moving us from one temporary accommodation to another would have on her. I was told to pack and move within 24 hours. This wasnt possible. I fought and got an extension for a few days. Even then I hadn't enough time to prepare dinky to move yet again and it did drastically effect her. Especially her behaviour. I spent weeks of being physically attacked and dealing with her meltdowns. So much so I went to the GP as I couldn't handle it. None of it mattered to the council officers.
Afterwards another mother approached and asked some questions about dinky and mentioned that her autistic son was just the same, and was dinky being assessed for autism. No, no she isn't.
Then a man approached me and told me he was from a project that offered play sessions for 5-10 year olds with SEN and disabilities. After hearing of my issues with dinky he would like to offer for dinky join the project and go to some sessions with other SEN children. I told him that dinky wasn't diagnosed with anything and he said "yes but with what you have said she will be. I've worked with kids like your daughter for 20 years."
It's good in the fact that there is a great place dinky can go but on the other hand everyone keeps telling me that there is more than a possibility my dinky is on the autism spectrum.
Friday...
Hmm, well. Friday was a very bad day for dinky.
First of all she had a fight with her friend. Well her on off friend according to the TA. The teacher just stood there. The student had to protect the other kid and I had to muscle my way past parents and kids piling into the tiny area that the fight was taking place. I grabbed hold of dinky and literally dragged her out of the classroom. She kept trying to get back in ago I had to hold her. She punched me and shoved me in front of the teacher who had come out. She ran off looking for the deputy. The welfare officer came in and tried to help. Then the deputy came. They told me to go. It is so hard to go when your kid is distressed, but I left.
I did some bits in town and then headed home. At 12.30 I got a call. I looked at my phone and it was the school. Filled with trepidation I answered. It was the deputy. She said that dinky had fallen over and another kid had picked her up and dinky said she hurt her arm. Apparently dinky hadn't used her arm for 2 hours and the deputy wanted to see what I wanted to do. There was no swelling or bruising and she didn't seem distressed at all. I said I'd pick her up and get it checked and would be there as soon as I could but it might take a while coming from the other side of town.
Well on my way to the school my phone rang again. I picked up, it was the deputy again. Dinky had made a miraculous recovery! She was fine. So I did some window shopping and picked her up at normal time.
Dinky ran off to play as soon as I picked her up. I tried to get her to come with me but she was having none of it. I asked her to hold my hand as we were about to go out of the gate and she ran off again. I went over to her and tried to calm her. She was a the point where she could go either way. Then she ran for it under the picnic table. I managed to get her to agree to come out under the table but she decided to go the side way and got herself stuck! That's when the welfare officer and the TA came out. The welfare officer said I was handling it fantastically but looked like I needed help. I told her dinky was stuck but I was fine. They stuck around anyway. Between myself and the TA we got her out and then the welfare officer spoke to dinky and she bolted again. Then another member of staff came out and was instructed to get the deputy. Dinky kicked water from the puddle she was in all over me. I got much sterner at that point. I had removed 3 minutes already but took another and demanded an apology for that.
She apologised and I managed to get her to come with me. The she ran for the gate. The deputy followed but kept her distance. Dinky ran straight up to a dog ad began stroking it. I tired to explain that I wanted to hold her hand for safety as she was running off and I needed to keep her safe and that was my job as her mummy. The deputy could see dinky was not paying me the slightest bit of attention and tried to help me explain.
Drained beyond belief I managed to get dinky to walk with me and she held my hand.
She was then fine on the bus and on the way home. She messed about a bit at home and went to bed uncharacteristically on time. Then again she spent most of her day being stubborn and running so she probably knackered herself out!
One thing that has wound me up this week that I haven't mentioned yet is the contact book.
After 3 people suggested the book and the teacher (begrudgingly) agreed to it, she hasn't exactly written anything to help me understand what she is like at school. Most of it is in direct relation to the new behaviour system dinky is on. Where she gets 5 minutes base level and gets one added for good behaviour and one taken for bad behaviour...So we have
Monday- 1 min- up and down today hopefully while she is getting used to it
Tuesday- am 9 mins- pm 6 mins- have decided to shorten the time that dinky needs to work for into 2 sessions morning and afternoon. Excellent morning/ good afternoon
Wednesday- am 2mins- pm 8mins- excellent effort all afternoon
Thursday -am 7mins- pm 4 mins- Found it more difficult this morning dipped right down to 2 mins before coming back up. Pm - bit tricky
Friday- am 4 mins- pm 4 mins- an up and down morning - an up and down afternoon too!
Os it just me or is that not very helpful at all! Thursday afternoon got me the most.. bit tricky... What does that mean? How does that help me understand anything?
Oh well, tomorrow is Sunday... Then back to business Monday morning!
Wednesday, 30 January 2013
I have a new nurse, and my docs have about as much empathy as a rock!
So, this morning I went to the doctors because I am one stressed out person, I hadnt heard anything back from CMHT, and I have to start seriously job hunting in 3 weeks.
The doc says "it's not like you are living rough homeless, you are lucky." Lucky? Yes, I'm slightly better off than those sleeping rough... But I wouldn't consider living in small one room with a 4 year old who has behavioural and emotional difficulties, lucky!
He said I didn't seem depressed and then at the en of the appointment because I have 'mood issues' I had to do a questionnaire and guess what? It says I'm depressed! Honestly the doc was an idiot.
I left there and had an overwhelming flow of rage. I got home and pretty much broke down into a heap. Which isn't like me. I spent the next hour trying to get myself in a position where I could leave the house without feeling like I was going to rip someone limb to limb. Its a good thing I can recognise the rage, I know what to do to get by, I will have to smash the living daylights out of the pillow later just to release some of the tension. I couldn't do it earlier because I probably would have gone overboard!
Anyway.
When I got back from getting dinky I got a call from the mind advocate apparently I have been allocated a new mental health nurse, I just have to wait for that person to contact me.
So it's a waiting game
The doc says "it's not like you are living rough homeless, you are lucky." Lucky? Yes, I'm slightly better off than those sleeping rough... But I wouldn't consider living in small one room with a 4 year old who has behavioural and emotional difficulties, lucky!
He said I didn't seem depressed and then at the en of the appointment because I have 'mood issues' I had to do a questionnaire and guess what? It says I'm depressed! Honestly the doc was an idiot.
I left there and had an overwhelming flow of rage. I got home and pretty much broke down into a heap. Which isn't like me. I spent the next hour trying to get myself in a position where I could leave the house without feeling like I was going to rip someone limb to limb. Its a good thing I can recognise the rage, I know what to do to get by, I will have to smash the living daylights out of the pillow later just to release some of the tension. I couldn't do it earlier because I probably would have gone overboard!
Anyway.
When I got back from getting dinky I got a call from the mind advocate apparently I have been allocated a new mental health nurse, I just have to wait for that person to contact me.
So it's a waiting game
Monday, 28 January 2013
Housing, the play therapist and Dink's escape attempt!
Things in the hostel are quite a bit better since the woman downstairs moved out! No more late night calls, no more worrying if she is going to make yet another complaint about dinky's noise and no more going downstairs to find all of her rather large family's clothes in the machines all day.
I went on this morning to look at what is available this week to bid on. 4 properties! Unfortunately none in the right area, on the plus side though, we were top of the list at 12pm for 3 of them and second for the other! Maybe, just maybe the next time one comes up in the area of dinky's school then it will be ours! I might have to take the mind advocate with me to see the housing officer (I wouldn't normally but the housing officer is a pain, and some back up wouldn't go amiss!), that way I can plead my case for trying to get consideration for the right area if we are very near the top of the list, if something comes up.
It's that or leave it down to integrated services who have said they are going to try and help with the housing situation! Yay!
The play therapist called today. She asked how WE were getting on. I used capitals because she asks about how I'm doing too which is nice, especially seeing as she doesn't have to. Dinky is her priority. I told her about the library on Saturday. Fun! Oh well. I also let her know about the CAF and what integrated services said to the deputy. She seemed happy for us. Although when I asked her if it would solve dinky's problems she said she wasn't sure. So we will just have to wait and see on that one.
I have been looking over dinky's learning journal with the childminder today. I think I might have to spend some time working out what was normal age development and what wasn't. If that fails I might ask the childminder what she thought dinky's strengths and weaknesses are seeing as she is a trained early years professional (she has quite a few certificates), and she has known dinky since she was 1 year old.
I went to the school to get dinky and the class supervisor (covering for the teacher who was on a course), asked if she could have a word. So I waited. Who walks in? The deputy head. Apparently during lunch dinky said that she wanted to escape and then tried to climb the fence. The deputy had to get involved and talk her down, then had to calm her, and explain that she couldn't do things like that at school! To be honest I was pretty shocked about the whole thing! The deputy said they were going to have to be more vigilant at the moment! I felt for her because she looked like she was a little stressed and was running out of ideas of how to stop dinky doing it. When she asked dinky why she was doing it she said it was because she wanted me. I know I'm her mum, and I'm the closest person to her in her life but I'm not megamum! I honestly thought she would like a break from me and spend time with other children. I'm at a loss as to what to say!
I might text the play therapist in the morning and let her know what happened at school as she is seeing dinky in the afternoon. Maybe she can get some sense out of her?
I don't know. I'm getting rather confused by everything dinky orientated right now. I'm trying to work out for sure if dinky has issues other than the housing situation. I'm starting to actually believe there is.
Oh and dinky has a contact book! Shame there is literally only space for about two sentences. I must admit I'm a little disappointed in the teacher. I know she made the effort to actually create the book in the first place but she hasn't exactly given herself much space to let me know what goes on.. Then again maybe she just doesn't want to.... However much I really like the deputy and the head, I'm really not impressed with the class teacher!
I went on this morning to look at what is available this week to bid on. 4 properties! Unfortunately none in the right area, on the plus side though, we were top of the list at 12pm for 3 of them and second for the other! Maybe, just maybe the next time one comes up in the area of dinky's school then it will be ours! I might have to take the mind advocate with me to see the housing officer (I wouldn't normally but the housing officer is a pain, and some back up wouldn't go amiss!), that way I can plead my case for trying to get consideration for the right area if we are very near the top of the list, if something comes up.
It's that or leave it down to integrated services who have said they are going to try and help with the housing situation! Yay!
The play therapist called today. She asked how WE were getting on. I used capitals because she asks about how I'm doing too which is nice, especially seeing as she doesn't have to. Dinky is her priority. I told her about the library on Saturday. Fun! Oh well. I also let her know about the CAF and what integrated services said to the deputy. She seemed happy for us. Although when I asked her if it would solve dinky's problems she said she wasn't sure. So we will just have to wait and see on that one.
I have been looking over dinky's learning journal with the childminder today. I think I might have to spend some time working out what was normal age development and what wasn't. If that fails I might ask the childminder what she thought dinky's strengths and weaknesses are seeing as she is a trained early years professional (she has quite a few certificates), and she has known dinky since she was 1 year old.
I went to the school to get dinky and the class supervisor (covering for the teacher who was on a course), asked if she could have a word. So I waited. Who walks in? The deputy head. Apparently during lunch dinky said that she wanted to escape and then tried to climb the fence. The deputy had to get involved and talk her down, then had to calm her, and explain that she couldn't do things like that at school! To be honest I was pretty shocked about the whole thing! The deputy said they were going to have to be more vigilant at the moment! I felt for her because she looked like she was a little stressed and was running out of ideas of how to stop dinky doing it. When she asked dinky why she was doing it she said it was because she wanted me. I know I'm her mum, and I'm the closest person to her in her life but I'm not megamum! I honestly thought she would like a break from me and spend time with other children. I'm at a loss as to what to say!
I might text the play therapist in the morning and let her know what happened at school as she is seeing dinky in the afternoon. Maybe she can get some sense out of her?
I don't know. I'm getting rather confused by everything dinky orientated right now. I'm trying to work out for sure if dinky has issues other than the housing situation. I'm starting to actually believe there is.
Oh and dinky has a contact book! Shame there is literally only space for about two sentences. I must admit I'm a little disappointed in the teacher. I know she made the effort to actually create the book in the first place but she hasn't exactly given herself much space to let me know what goes on.. Then again maybe she just doesn't want to.... However much I really like the deputy and the head, I'm really not impressed with the class teacher!
Sunday, 27 January 2013
Sunday... This week has gone fast!
This week has been full of developments. As one thing clears up and disappears... Another becomes more apparent.
So it was just a cyst. All good.
Dinky has issues, I already knew that. However I didn't know all of it. How come I didn't know all of it? Why didn't I know she was behind in her reading? Why didn't I know she was behind in PSE? Why was I the last to know she was going on the SEN register on school action plus?
I swing between being grateful for the quick interventions from the deputy head, and complete frustration at dinky's teacher.
During the CAF they said 'on her terms' a lot when it comes to dinky. However I can't help thinking a lot of the teachers attitude and interaction with me is on her terms!
Oh she will do the contact book.. On her own terms. I have to make sure the book is on her chair, it has to be manageable and she has little responsibility for ensuring it is completed.
Oh she thinks the chew necklace is a good idea... However she won't take responsibility for what children bring into her class, she will have to ask the deputy head and as long another children don't think they can wear necklaces.
Oh dinky can do phonics in the library, but only of there is someone on hand to get dinky into the classroom, not including herself. Again zero responsibility. Zero accountability. Dinky is just a name in her 29. Obviously not one of her favourite children. But then she sees dinky as difficult. Like it is down to me and my parenting. I've gone down that route. I blamed myself. I keep getting told it is not my fault. I keep getting told I am doing everything right. So why does this teacher make me feel I'm doing it all wrong? Why do I take notice of the one negative and ignore the four who exonerated me?
I have missed things that people keep picking up... How did I miss it?
Am I do wrapped up in the stress of everything that I have become blind to what it is that could be going on with my daughter?
It is so easy to blame everything on the situation. The hardest thing is admitting that the situation has probably just exasperated problems that already existed. As a mother, I feel bad but, we are getting there. Dinky is now going to see the right people.
So what is going on next week...
Well Monday it's phonics and bidding day
Tuesday dinky has play therapy and I am going to do more visual timetables for home
Wednesday, I'm going to chase up CMHT
Thursday, there is a housing meeting at the local theatre to discuss the issues we face
Friday, I have to make a claim for job seekers
Saturday, spend quality time with dinky
Sunday.. My dad is coming up
So it was just a cyst. All good.
Dinky has issues, I already knew that. However I didn't know all of it. How come I didn't know all of it? Why didn't I know she was behind in her reading? Why didn't I know she was behind in PSE? Why was I the last to know she was going on the SEN register on school action plus?
I swing between being grateful for the quick interventions from the deputy head, and complete frustration at dinky's teacher.
During the CAF they said 'on her terms' a lot when it comes to dinky. However I can't help thinking a lot of the teachers attitude and interaction with me is on her terms!
Oh she will do the contact book.. On her own terms. I have to make sure the book is on her chair, it has to be manageable and she has little responsibility for ensuring it is completed.
Oh she thinks the chew necklace is a good idea... However she won't take responsibility for what children bring into her class, she will have to ask the deputy head and as long another children don't think they can wear necklaces.
Oh dinky can do phonics in the library, but only of there is someone on hand to get dinky into the classroom, not including herself. Again zero responsibility. Zero accountability. Dinky is just a name in her 29. Obviously not one of her favourite children. But then she sees dinky as difficult. Like it is down to me and my parenting. I've gone down that route. I blamed myself. I keep getting told it is not my fault. I keep getting told I am doing everything right. So why does this teacher make me feel I'm doing it all wrong? Why do I take notice of the one negative and ignore the four who exonerated me?
I have missed things that people keep picking up... How did I miss it?
Am I do wrapped up in the stress of everything that I have become blind to what it is that could be going on with my daughter?
It is so easy to blame everything on the situation. The hardest thing is admitting that the situation has probably just exasperated problems that already existed. As a mother, I feel bad but, we are getting there. Dinky is now going to see the right people.
So what is going on next week...
Well Monday it's phonics and bidding day
Tuesday dinky has play therapy and I am going to do more visual timetables for home
Wednesday, I'm going to chase up CMHT
Thursday, there is a housing meeting at the local theatre to discuss the issues we face
Friday, I have to make a claim for job seekers
Saturday, spend quality time with dinky
Sunday.. My dad is coming up
Friday, 25 January 2013
CAF Form, integrated services, and dinky's teacher
I just have to say that Dinky's head teacher and deputy head are absolutely amazing!
If dinky didn't go to this school I do not think she would get the support she does!
I've never actually spoken to the head but she is lovely. Formidable, but lovely.
We started the form which was done without the questions. Each section was done purely on strengths and needs. It was hard to hear the school's view of dinky. The look on the deputy's face when behaviour and independence was brought up, as a parent, was devastating. The deputy has seen dinky first hand. I don't think I have heard the word challenging so much in my life!
Dinky is slightly behind in her reading, and is behind in PSE in particular managing feelings and behaviour , and listening and attention, which are below age related expectations.
We went through dinky's strengths and weaknesses in every section. The deputy was diplomatic but needed to accurately describe what happened at school. When it comes to what happens when she is home, I let them know. I had to tell them everything. It was in Dinky's best interests.
The head teacher was very kind when it came to my own insecurities as a parent, my mental health and the wider family question. It was very hard to discuss some of those things, but again, it is for dinky.
When it was all done I left feeling like I'd completed an exam, and failed.
The worst part was as I left all I could hear was "MUMMY!" It took some time, but eventually they managed to get dinky to a point where I could leave.
I did some shopping in the local shop and as soon as I got home I put some soup in the microwave when my phone rang, I didn't get to it in time but it was a missed call from the school. I phoned back and it was the deputy. She said integrated services had phoned and wanted to know the circumstances of our homelessness. Apparently she was very optimistic that she could at least help with the housing situation a little faster! I couldn't believe it! The CAF form had only been completed 20mins before hand! She also told me that integrated services have called a CAF planning meeting (professionals only), for the 12th of February! That is 2 weeks away! I couldn't believe it! In 2 weeks I might have some support plan for dinky!
My head is spinning!
I tried to relax a little before going back to get dinky from school.
When I went to get her the teacher called me in. We sat down and she told me that they were going to take dinky off the normal reward system at school. At present the kids all start on the fluffy cloud. If they are good they move to the sunshine, if they are really good they move to the rainbow. The flip side is, if they do something naughty their name gets written on the grey cloud, and for persistent bad behaviour (like dinky's) the name goes on the whiteboard. It is possible to have their picture on the rainbow but their name on the whiteboard. They don't agree with taking the previous achievement away, however this works both ways as the child will not get their name removed from the board. Every day this week dinky has been on the whiteboard.
So new strategy! Dinky is to have 5 mins in one minute disks. If she is good she gets more minutes, if she is bad she gets minutes taken away. At the end of the day she can use her minutes to pick an activity to do.
I brought up the contact book, and the teacher said that's fine, but it has to be manageable. So she will do a book and tell me he minutes dinky has. If she has done something bad that will go in the contact book. For instance... Today dinky had to write her name and the teacher had 5 other children to get started in the group. Dinky refused point blank to do it. It took a while but the teacher managed to get her to do her name but she crossed it out and began scribbling. So the teacher said she was going to tell the deputy and went off. In that time dinky wrote her name nicely.
So stuff like that will go in the book.
I asked about the chewing. Apparently dinky does it quite a bit. I told the teacher about the necklace and she said it was a good idea and would ask the deputy if dinky was allowed it in school.
We had a little chat and it seems dinky is getting on 'better' with the teacher, but still not doing as she is told. However I did say I had noticed dinky had been 'more compliant' when it came to group was in her reading diary and the teacher laughed. She said she loved reading dinky's reading diary as it had the best comments! I don't know if that is my version of what happens or some of the things I put down that dinky says about the books. To be honest I thought she was getting annoyed because I kept asking for more printed sheets for the diary. However this time she was prepared and put 3 sheets in!
I guess it has been a very dinky day, but I feel much better knowing things are getting sorted.
If dinky didn't go to this school I do not think she would get the support she does!
I've never actually spoken to the head but she is lovely. Formidable, but lovely.
We started the form which was done without the questions. Each section was done purely on strengths and needs. It was hard to hear the school's view of dinky. The look on the deputy's face when behaviour and independence was brought up, as a parent, was devastating. The deputy has seen dinky first hand. I don't think I have heard the word challenging so much in my life!
Dinky is slightly behind in her reading, and is behind in PSE in particular managing feelings and behaviour , and listening and attention, which are below age related expectations.
We went through dinky's strengths and weaknesses in every section. The deputy was diplomatic but needed to accurately describe what happened at school. When it comes to what happens when she is home, I let them know. I had to tell them everything. It was in Dinky's best interests.
The head teacher was very kind when it came to my own insecurities as a parent, my mental health and the wider family question. It was very hard to discuss some of those things, but again, it is for dinky.
When it was all done I left feeling like I'd completed an exam, and failed.
The worst part was as I left all I could hear was "MUMMY!" It took some time, but eventually they managed to get dinky to a point where I could leave.
I did some shopping in the local shop and as soon as I got home I put some soup in the microwave when my phone rang, I didn't get to it in time but it was a missed call from the school. I phoned back and it was the deputy. She said integrated services had phoned and wanted to know the circumstances of our homelessness. Apparently she was very optimistic that she could at least help with the housing situation a little faster! I couldn't believe it! The CAF form had only been completed 20mins before hand! She also told me that integrated services have called a CAF planning meeting (professionals only), for the 12th of February! That is 2 weeks away! I couldn't believe it! In 2 weeks I might have some support plan for dinky!
My head is spinning!
I tried to relax a little before going back to get dinky from school.
When I went to get her the teacher called me in. We sat down and she told me that they were going to take dinky off the normal reward system at school. At present the kids all start on the fluffy cloud. If they are good they move to the sunshine, if they are really good they move to the rainbow. The flip side is, if they do something naughty their name gets written on the grey cloud, and for persistent bad behaviour (like dinky's) the name goes on the whiteboard. It is possible to have their picture on the rainbow but their name on the whiteboard. They don't agree with taking the previous achievement away, however this works both ways as the child will not get their name removed from the board. Every day this week dinky has been on the whiteboard.
So new strategy! Dinky is to have 5 mins in one minute disks. If she is good she gets more minutes, if she is bad she gets minutes taken away. At the end of the day she can use her minutes to pick an activity to do.
I brought up the contact book, and the teacher said that's fine, but it has to be manageable. So she will do a book and tell me he minutes dinky has. If she has done something bad that will go in the contact book. For instance... Today dinky had to write her name and the teacher had 5 other children to get started in the group. Dinky refused point blank to do it. It took a while but the teacher managed to get her to do her name but she crossed it out and began scribbling. So the teacher said she was going to tell the deputy and went off. In that time dinky wrote her name nicely.
So stuff like that will go in the book.
I asked about the chewing. Apparently dinky does it quite a bit. I told the teacher about the necklace and she said it was a good idea and would ask the deputy if dinky was allowed it in school.
We had a little chat and it seems dinky is getting on 'better' with the teacher, but still not doing as she is told. However I did say I had noticed dinky had been 'more compliant' when it came to group was in her reading diary and the teacher laughed. She said she loved reading dinky's reading diary as it had the best comments! I don't know if that is my version of what happens or some of the things I put down that dinky says about the books. To be honest I thought she was getting annoyed because I kept asking for more printed sheets for the diary. However this time she was prepared and put 3 sheets in!
I guess it has been a very dinky day, but I feel much better knowing things are getting sorted.
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