The subject of diagnosis

I know I have blogged once already today but this is bugging me and has done for weeks.
When I was referred to CHMT it was because the short term counsellor had written a summary report of the sessions to the GP and had highlighted possible PTSD. Something another two Counsellors had highlighted but nothing had ever been formally diagnosed.
So why is it bugging me? Well it would be nice to know what is going on in my mind and it doesn't make it any easier for me when housing and housing support workers want to know of any mental health problems, what do I say? Well, nothing formally diagnosed, but I am seeing a community mental health nurse called S who thinks I may or may not have PTSD. Then what... I fall out of the criteria for any assistance or considerations. I must admit partly my fault for having the attention span of a goldfish at times, but S said there could be a personality disorder not dissimilar to bi-polar but they don't like to diagnose them because of the stigma. Now I might have missed something but isn't the point to get a diagnosis so that I can get the right treatment. Although I never asked if I would be entitled to different treatment with a diagnosis. All I know is that I can't live like this much longer. I've done ok, spent 10 years holding it all back but time doesn't heal mental health issues, if anything I'd say it makes it worse. I can't for the life of me work out why she put me on antidepressants back in October, I mean I know why at the time and why I accepted them at the time. I felt really low and thought it was in dinky's best interest if I wasn't around. I stopped taking them for the same reason I said I would only take them if she thought it was an absolute necessity, which is, I am not always depressed or low in mood. And never for long enough for the antidepressants to actually do any work. The longest I have been low in mood or depressed is a couple of months. Then I revert to holding it all in laughing and joking and sometimes I get a little hyper. I mentioned a friend of mine saying I had very similar ups and downs to her bipolar friend even I do my best to conceal it. S said if I was bipolar then I would have been hospitalised by now, but it could be something not too dissimilar then she mumbled rapid cycling.
And there ends the discussion of diagnosis. I'm scared to bring it back up. But now I'm at a loss as to what the appointments are actually for as she won't refer me back to counselling because I'm apparently not mentally strong enough at the present time.
So here I am, a single mum to a challenging but awesome 4 year old, living in a hostel with no home comforts (our room just about fits in 2 single beds, a wardrobe a chest of draws, a sink with 1 metre of work surface and a sink and a fridge freezer), every week brings more stress, I'm up and down more than the detonator ride at Thorpe park, I am having the horrible side to the PTSD symptoms I'm there for in the first place and I'm barely holding myself together.
I think in the last appointment on the 5th before she goes away for a month, I need to ask her some questions. Like what are we actually doing? and where is this leading? Because if nothing is going to come out of it I might aswell call it a day, and let her go on holiday knowing when she gets back that's one patient less on her list to catch up with... Plus if two weeks has lots of crap, I wonder what will happen over a month with Christmas three quarters of the way through?

Should be interesting!