So, this morning I went to the doctors because I am one stressed out person, I hadnt heard anything back from CMHT, and I have to start seriously job hunting in 3 weeks.
The doc says "it's not like you are living rough homeless, you are lucky." Lucky? Yes, I'm slightly better off than those sleeping rough... But I wouldn't consider living in small one room with a 4 year old who has behavioural and emotional difficulties, lucky!
He said I didn't seem depressed and then at the en of the appointment because I have 'mood issues' I had to do a questionnaire and guess what? It says I'm depressed! Honestly the doc was an idiot.
I left there and had an overwhelming flow of rage. I got home and pretty much broke down into a heap. Which isn't like me. I spent the next hour trying to get myself in a position where I could leave the house without feeling like I was going to rip someone limb to limb. Its a good thing I can recognise the rage, I know what to do to get by, I will have to smash the living daylights out of the pillow later just to release some of the tension. I couldn't do it earlier because I probably would have gone overboard!
Anyway.
When I got back from getting dinky I got a call from the mind advocate apparently I have been allocated a new mental health nurse, I just have to wait for that person to contact me.
So it's a waiting game
Wednesday 30 January 2013
Monday 28 January 2013
Housing, the play therapist and Dink's escape attempt!
Things in the hostel are quite a bit better since the woman downstairs moved out! No more late night calls, no more worrying if she is going to make yet another complaint about dinky's noise and no more going downstairs to find all of her rather large family's clothes in the machines all day.
I went on this morning to look at what is available this week to bid on. 4 properties! Unfortunately none in the right area, on the plus side though, we were top of the list at 12pm for 3 of them and second for the other! Maybe, just maybe the next time one comes up in the area of dinky's school then it will be ours! I might have to take the mind advocate with me to see the housing officer (I wouldn't normally but the housing officer is a pain, and some back up wouldn't go amiss!), that way I can plead my case for trying to get consideration for the right area if we are very near the top of the list, if something comes up.
It's that or leave it down to integrated services who have said they are going to try and help with the housing situation! Yay!
The play therapist called today. She asked how WE were getting on. I used capitals because she asks about how I'm doing too which is nice, especially seeing as she doesn't have to. Dinky is her priority. I told her about the library on Saturday. Fun! Oh well. I also let her know about the CAF and what integrated services said to the deputy. She seemed happy for us. Although when I asked her if it would solve dinky's problems she said she wasn't sure. So we will just have to wait and see on that one.
I have been looking over dinky's learning journal with the childminder today. I think I might have to spend some time working out what was normal age development and what wasn't. If that fails I might ask the childminder what she thought dinky's strengths and weaknesses are seeing as she is a trained early years professional (she has quite a few certificates), and she has known dinky since she was 1 year old.
I went to the school to get dinky and the class supervisor (covering for the teacher who was on a course), asked if she could have a word. So I waited. Who walks in? The deputy head. Apparently during lunch dinky said that she wanted to escape and then tried to climb the fence. The deputy had to get involved and talk her down, then had to calm her, and explain that she couldn't do things like that at school! To be honest I was pretty shocked about the whole thing! The deputy said they were going to have to be more vigilant at the moment! I felt for her because she looked like she was a little stressed and was running out of ideas of how to stop dinky doing it. When she asked dinky why she was doing it she said it was because she wanted me. I know I'm her mum, and I'm the closest person to her in her life but I'm not megamum! I honestly thought she would like a break from me and spend time with other children. I'm at a loss as to what to say!
I might text the play therapist in the morning and let her know what happened at school as she is seeing dinky in the afternoon. Maybe she can get some sense out of her?
I don't know. I'm getting rather confused by everything dinky orientated right now. I'm trying to work out for sure if dinky has issues other than the housing situation. I'm starting to actually believe there is.
Oh and dinky has a contact book! Shame there is literally only space for about two sentences. I must admit I'm a little disappointed in the teacher. I know she made the effort to actually create the book in the first place but she hasn't exactly given herself much space to let me know what goes on.. Then again maybe she just doesn't want to.... However much I really like the deputy and the head, I'm really not impressed with the class teacher!
I went on this morning to look at what is available this week to bid on. 4 properties! Unfortunately none in the right area, on the plus side though, we were top of the list at 12pm for 3 of them and second for the other! Maybe, just maybe the next time one comes up in the area of dinky's school then it will be ours! I might have to take the mind advocate with me to see the housing officer (I wouldn't normally but the housing officer is a pain, and some back up wouldn't go amiss!), that way I can plead my case for trying to get consideration for the right area if we are very near the top of the list, if something comes up.
It's that or leave it down to integrated services who have said they are going to try and help with the housing situation! Yay!
The play therapist called today. She asked how WE were getting on. I used capitals because she asks about how I'm doing too which is nice, especially seeing as she doesn't have to. Dinky is her priority. I told her about the library on Saturday. Fun! Oh well. I also let her know about the CAF and what integrated services said to the deputy. She seemed happy for us. Although when I asked her if it would solve dinky's problems she said she wasn't sure. So we will just have to wait and see on that one.
I have been looking over dinky's learning journal with the childminder today. I think I might have to spend some time working out what was normal age development and what wasn't. If that fails I might ask the childminder what she thought dinky's strengths and weaknesses are seeing as she is a trained early years professional (she has quite a few certificates), and she has known dinky since she was 1 year old.
I went to the school to get dinky and the class supervisor (covering for the teacher who was on a course), asked if she could have a word. So I waited. Who walks in? The deputy head. Apparently during lunch dinky said that she wanted to escape and then tried to climb the fence. The deputy had to get involved and talk her down, then had to calm her, and explain that she couldn't do things like that at school! To be honest I was pretty shocked about the whole thing! The deputy said they were going to have to be more vigilant at the moment! I felt for her because she looked like she was a little stressed and was running out of ideas of how to stop dinky doing it. When she asked dinky why she was doing it she said it was because she wanted me. I know I'm her mum, and I'm the closest person to her in her life but I'm not megamum! I honestly thought she would like a break from me and spend time with other children. I'm at a loss as to what to say!
I might text the play therapist in the morning and let her know what happened at school as she is seeing dinky in the afternoon. Maybe she can get some sense out of her?
I don't know. I'm getting rather confused by everything dinky orientated right now. I'm trying to work out for sure if dinky has issues other than the housing situation. I'm starting to actually believe there is.
Oh and dinky has a contact book! Shame there is literally only space for about two sentences. I must admit I'm a little disappointed in the teacher. I know she made the effort to actually create the book in the first place but she hasn't exactly given herself much space to let me know what goes on.. Then again maybe she just doesn't want to.... However much I really like the deputy and the head, I'm really not impressed with the class teacher!
Sunday 27 January 2013
Sunday... This week has gone fast!
This week has been full of developments. As one thing clears up and disappears... Another becomes more apparent.
So it was just a cyst. All good.
Dinky has issues, I already knew that. However I didn't know all of it. How come I didn't know all of it? Why didn't I know she was behind in her reading? Why didn't I know she was behind in PSE? Why was I the last to know she was going on the SEN register on school action plus?
I swing between being grateful for the quick interventions from the deputy head, and complete frustration at dinky's teacher.
During the CAF they said 'on her terms' a lot when it comes to dinky. However I can't help thinking a lot of the teachers attitude and interaction with me is on her terms!
Oh she will do the contact book.. On her own terms. I have to make sure the book is on her chair, it has to be manageable and she has little responsibility for ensuring it is completed.
Oh she thinks the chew necklace is a good idea... However she won't take responsibility for what children bring into her class, she will have to ask the deputy head and as long another children don't think they can wear necklaces.
Oh dinky can do phonics in the library, but only of there is someone on hand to get dinky into the classroom, not including herself. Again zero responsibility. Zero accountability. Dinky is just a name in her 29. Obviously not one of her favourite children. But then she sees dinky as difficult. Like it is down to me and my parenting. I've gone down that route. I blamed myself. I keep getting told it is not my fault. I keep getting told I am doing everything right. So why does this teacher make me feel I'm doing it all wrong? Why do I take notice of the one negative and ignore the four who exonerated me?
I have missed things that people keep picking up... How did I miss it?
Am I do wrapped up in the stress of everything that I have become blind to what it is that could be going on with my daughter?
It is so easy to blame everything on the situation. The hardest thing is admitting that the situation has probably just exasperated problems that already existed. As a mother, I feel bad but, we are getting there. Dinky is now going to see the right people.
So what is going on next week...
Well Monday it's phonics and bidding day
Tuesday dinky has play therapy and I am going to do more visual timetables for home
Wednesday, I'm going to chase up CMHT
Thursday, there is a housing meeting at the local theatre to discuss the issues we face
Friday, I have to make a claim for job seekers
Saturday, spend quality time with dinky
Sunday.. My dad is coming up
So it was just a cyst. All good.
Dinky has issues, I already knew that. However I didn't know all of it. How come I didn't know all of it? Why didn't I know she was behind in her reading? Why didn't I know she was behind in PSE? Why was I the last to know she was going on the SEN register on school action plus?
I swing between being grateful for the quick interventions from the deputy head, and complete frustration at dinky's teacher.
During the CAF they said 'on her terms' a lot when it comes to dinky. However I can't help thinking a lot of the teachers attitude and interaction with me is on her terms!
Oh she will do the contact book.. On her own terms. I have to make sure the book is on her chair, it has to be manageable and she has little responsibility for ensuring it is completed.
Oh she thinks the chew necklace is a good idea... However she won't take responsibility for what children bring into her class, she will have to ask the deputy head and as long another children don't think they can wear necklaces.
Oh dinky can do phonics in the library, but only of there is someone on hand to get dinky into the classroom, not including herself. Again zero responsibility. Zero accountability. Dinky is just a name in her 29. Obviously not one of her favourite children. But then she sees dinky as difficult. Like it is down to me and my parenting. I've gone down that route. I blamed myself. I keep getting told it is not my fault. I keep getting told I am doing everything right. So why does this teacher make me feel I'm doing it all wrong? Why do I take notice of the one negative and ignore the four who exonerated me?
I have missed things that people keep picking up... How did I miss it?
Am I do wrapped up in the stress of everything that I have become blind to what it is that could be going on with my daughter?
It is so easy to blame everything on the situation. The hardest thing is admitting that the situation has probably just exasperated problems that already existed. As a mother, I feel bad but, we are getting there. Dinky is now going to see the right people.
So what is going on next week...
Well Monday it's phonics and bidding day
Tuesday dinky has play therapy and I am going to do more visual timetables for home
Wednesday, I'm going to chase up CMHT
Thursday, there is a housing meeting at the local theatre to discuss the issues we face
Friday, I have to make a claim for job seekers
Saturday, spend quality time with dinky
Sunday.. My dad is coming up
Friday 25 January 2013
CAF Form, integrated services, and dinky's teacher
I just have to say that Dinky's head teacher and deputy head are absolutely amazing!
If dinky didn't go to this school I do not think she would get the support she does!
I've never actually spoken to the head but she is lovely. Formidable, but lovely.
We started the form which was done without the questions. Each section was done purely on strengths and needs. It was hard to hear the school's view of dinky. The look on the deputy's face when behaviour and independence was brought up, as a parent, was devastating. The deputy has seen dinky first hand. I don't think I have heard the word challenging so much in my life!
Dinky is slightly behind in her reading, and is behind in PSE in particular managing feelings and behaviour , and listening and attention, which are below age related expectations.
We went through dinky's strengths and weaknesses in every section. The deputy was diplomatic but needed to accurately describe what happened at school. When it comes to what happens when she is home, I let them know. I had to tell them everything. It was in Dinky's best interests.
The head teacher was very kind when it came to my own insecurities as a parent, my mental health and the wider family question. It was very hard to discuss some of those things, but again, it is for dinky.
When it was all done I left feeling like I'd completed an exam, and failed.
The worst part was as I left all I could hear was "MUMMY!" It took some time, but eventually they managed to get dinky to a point where I could leave.
I did some shopping in the local shop and as soon as I got home I put some soup in the microwave when my phone rang, I didn't get to it in time but it was a missed call from the school. I phoned back and it was the deputy. She said integrated services had phoned and wanted to know the circumstances of our homelessness. Apparently she was very optimistic that she could at least help with the housing situation a little faster! I couldn't believe it! The CAF form had only been completed 20mins before hand! She also told me that integrated services have called a CAF planning meeting (professionals only), for the 12th of February! That is 2 weeks away! I couldn't believe it! In 2 weeks I might have some support plan for dinky!
My head is spinning!
I tried to relax a little before going back to get dinky from school.
When I went to get her the teacher called me in. We sat down and she told me that they were going to take dinky off the normal reward system at school. At present the kids all start on the fluffy cloud. If they are good they move to the sunshine, if they are really good they move to the rainbow. The flip side is, if they do something naughty their name gets written on the grey cloud, and for persistent bad behaviour (like dinky's) the name goes on the whiteboard. It is possible to have their picture on the rainbow but their name on the whiteboard. They don't agree with taking the previous achievement away, however this works both ways as the child will not get their name removed from the board. Every day this week dinky has been on the whiteboard.
So new strategy! Dinky is to have 5 mins in one minute disks. If she is good she gets more minutes, if she is bad she gets minutes taken away. At the end of the day she can use her minutes to pick an activity to do.
I brought up the contact book, and the teacher said that's fine, but it has to be manageable. So she will do a book and tell me he minutes dinky has. If she has done something bad that will go in the contact book. For instance... Today dinky had to write her name and the teacher had 5 other children to get started in the group. Dinky refused point blank to do it. It took a while but the teacher managed to get her to do her name but she crossed it out and began scribbling. So the teacher said she was going to tell the deputy and went off. In that time dinky wrote her name nicely.
So stuff like that will go in the book.
I asked about the chewing. Apparently dinky does it quite a bit. I told the teacher about the necklace and she said it was a good idea and would ask the deputy if dinky was allowed it in school.
We had a little chat and it seems dinky is getting on 'better' with the teacher, but still not doing as she is told. However I did say I had noticed dinky had been 'more compliant' when it came to group was in her reading diary and the teacher laughed. She said she loved reading dinky's reading diary as it had the best comments! I don't know if that is my version of what happens or some of the things I put down that dinky says about the books. To be honest I thought she was getting annoyed because I kept asking for more printed sheets for the diary. However this time she was prepared and put 3 sheets in!
I guess it has been a very dinky day, but I feel much better knowing things are getting sorted.
If dinky didn't go to this school I do not think she would get the support she does!
I've never actually spoken to the head but she is lovely. Formidable, but lovely.
We started the form which was done without the questions. Each section was done purely on strengths and needs. It was hard to hear the school's view of dinky. The look on the deputy's face when behaviour and independence was brought up, as a parent, was devastating. The deputy has seen dinky first hand. I don't think I have heard the word challenging so much in my life!
Dinky is slightly behind in her reading, and is behind in PSE in particular managing feelings and behaviour , and listening and attention, which are below age related expectations.
We went through dinky's strengths and weaknesses in every section. The deputy was diplomatic but needed to accurately describe what happened at school. When it comes to what happens when she is home, I let them know. I had to tell them everything. It was in Dinky's best interests.
The head teacher was very kind when it came to my own insecurities as a parent, my mental health and the wider family question. It was very hard to discuss some of those things, but again, it is for dinky.
When it was all done I left feeling like I'd completed an exam, and failed.
The worst part was as I left all I could hear was "MUMMY!" It took some time, but eventually they managed to get dinky to a point where I could leave.
I did some shopping in the local shop and as soon as I got home I put some soup in the microwave when my phone rang, I didn't get to it in time but it was a missed call from the school. I phoned back and it was the deputy. She said integrated services had phoned and wanted to know the circumstances of our homelessness. Apparently she was very optimistic that she could at least help with the housing situation a little faster! I couldn't believe it! The CAF form had only been completed 20mins before hand! She also told me that integrated services have called a CAF planning meeting (professionals only), for the 12th of February! That is 2 weeks away! I couldn't believe it! In 2 weeks I might have some support plan for dinky!
My head is spinning!
I tried to relax a little before going back to get dinky from school.
When I went to get her the teacher called me in. We sat down and she told me that they were going to take dinky off the normal reward system at school. At present the kids all start on the fluffy cloud. If they are good they move to the sunshine, if they are really good they move to the rainbow. The flip side is, if they do something naughty their name gets written on the grey cloud, and for persistent bad behaviour (like dinky's) the name goes on the whiteboard. It is possible to have their picture on the rainbow but their name on the whiteboard. They don't agree with taking the previous achievement away, however this works both ways as the child will not get their name removed from the board. Every day this week dinky has been on the whiteboard.
So new strategy! Dinky is to have 5 mins in one minute disks. If she is good she gets more minutes, if she is bad she gets minutes taken away. At the end of the day she can use her minutes to pick an activity to do.
I brought up the contact book, and the teacher said that's fine, but it has to be manageable. So she will do a book and tell me he minutes dinky has. If she has done something bad that will go in the contact book. For instance... Today dinky had to write her name and the teacher had 5 other children to get started in the group. Dinky refused point blank to do it. It took a while but the teacher managed to get her to do her name but she crossed it out and began scribbling. So the teacher said she was going to tell the deputy and went off. In that time dinky wrote her name nicely.
So stuff like that will go in the book.
I asked about the chewing. Apparently dinky does it quite a bit. I told the teacher about the necklace and she said it was a good idea and would ask the deputy if dinky was allowed it in school.
We had a little chat and it seems dinky is getting on 'better' with the teacher, but still not doing as she is told. However I did say I had noticed dinky had been 'more compliant' when it came to group was in her reading diary and the teacher laughed. She said she loved reading dinky's reading diary as it had the best comments! I don't know if that is my version of what happens or some of the things I put down that dinky says about the books. To be honest I thought she was getting annoyed because I kept asking for more printed sheets for the diary. However this time she was prepared and put 3 sheets in!
I guess it has been a very dinky day, but I feel much better knowing things are getting sorted.
Thursday 24 January 2013
My wallet is stolen, dinky, and reminiscing the more wild parts of my childhood!
So today might not have been the best day. Better than some worse than others.
It started ok. The woman downstairs finally moved out! Yay! I didn't throw a party, instead I fell asleep after embracing the silence. I can't think of an adequate way to sum up exactly how nice that silence was after 6months of listening to rather loud phone calls, and one, then another, child screaming for their mum's attention. Bliss? Near enough.
So when dinky woke me at 5am it wasn't the usual "argh, what time is it? Come give mummy a huggle for a bit". To be honest I don't even know why I bother. Dinky is not the kind of child that gives hugs for more than a minute (unless she's ill or hurt). She can lean on me or sit on parts of me (normally feet of arms) or put her head on my lap but she doesn't give long hugs, so why nearly every morning I hope she cuddles me for 1 hour I don't know. I blame being sleep deprived for my wishful thinking!
I watch her play with her toys while she looks at me wondering what I'm doing watching her before breakfast! At 6am it isn't the usual "ok, I'm getting up, I Am getting up". I got up and got the breakfast quicker than normal. Dinky looks at me and I smile. I do not normally smile before 7am! We get ready, dinky decides today she can't put her own socks on. So I do it for her to save arguments, well, why spoil a perfectly fine morning. So far no kids downstairs screaming and no mum swearing back at them in response. Yes, they have definitely gone!
Dinky was watching tv, she made me laugh watching Ben and Holly's little kingdom. Bless, she still tries to warn characters not to do things! But now she turns to me and says "see mum, I told him he shouldn't have done that!".
We get to the school gate and suddenly dinky decides to play up, and right in front of the head teacher as well! Oh dear. Basically, the playground was still covered in ice so the teachers had made paths and coned off the ice so the kids and parents (because let's face it some of the parents can be worse than the kids!), don't go on the ice, fall and sue the school. Oh no, that rule doesn't apply to dinky. Cones, what cones? Off she goes. I have to tear after her before she falls over or worse runs out of the other gate near the road. I can only imagine the head thinking this is exactly why we have the risk assessment! Once I get dinky and calm her down we go into her playground as we didn't have time to go and change her Wellies in cherry blossom (the SEN room). Once we get into the classroom dinky started getting agitated. I looked round, it was very busy. Dinky grabs her book and decides she wants to go to the library to do it. Before I get the chance to say anything she runs off toward the library. Luckily mrs H, dinkys favourite TA, is right by the door. She stops dinky and asks what the matter is. Dinky says she wants to do her work in the library. By this point we were joined by miss C the current TA who says it is fine. S we go to the library with mrs H. Dinky does her letters nicely. Mrs H left and dinky showed me more of her lovely letter writing skills. It was much different to the previous days where she was adamant she couldn't do it. So I was happy and so was she, after, I left dinky with miss C, whom dinky has begun to warm up to.
I got the bus and checked how much cash I had in my wallet and put it back in my pocket. When I got off the bus it wasn't there. The bus does a 15 minute loop, so I waited anxiously at the bus sto for the bus to return. The driver let me check for my wallet but there was a guy sitting in the seat I had sat in. He moved so I could check but it wasn't there. I got angry. Within 15 minutes some arsehole had stolen it. I wouldn't have minded so much if they had taken the money and left the wallet. Reason? Well, the wallet itself probably was nearing its last legs, and seeing as all the cards would be cancelled by the time the person tried to use them the cash was all that was worth them having. For me I means phoning 0845 numbers from a mobile phone (which can be quite costly), then having to relay all my security details and then waiting for a week or so for the cards, which means going into the bank and as I have no photo ID it is a struggle to get my own cash! Arrrghhhhh! As predicted I went into my bank to withdraw some cash and had to give them endless details in order to get some cash out. All cards cancelled and now the wait for cards... It sucks.
What also gets me is that I have given up smoking and decided savings would go to dinky's birthday, so far not much has been saved. I have had to get new school shoes, new water bottle (as dinky has chewed through yet another lid) and the chew necklace (to stop her chewing her toys). She loves the chew necklace! It was a fight to get her to part with it this morning, but she did eventually in return for a 20p troll toy.
I went to the library to return the behaviour books and the books I got out for dinky, and get her some more books. Then went back upto the school. I always worry when the teacher sees me, lets dinky come to me and then says "can I have a word after school tomorrow?".
I'm not quite sure what is going on now. Before christmas it was to say she had done something wholly unacceptable and for me to be made aware. However in the last 2 and a half weeks it has been to discuss ways to resolve things. Maybe it is a bit of both? I have no idea. I have the CAF meeting tomorrow morning, and now am going to see the teacher after school. This last few weeks have been very odd, as I don't know where the line is between a parent constantly seeking advice and/or help with their kid, or just a parent with a child who has problems and just wants to help to resolve them.
It does provide an opportunity to do what I was supposed to do Monday and ask for a contact book. I don't know why, but I feel like it is asking too much of the teacher to spend a few minutes writing out dinky's day, especially when she has 29 other children to supervise getting sorted to come home.
Anyway, dinky walks to the bus stop and asks for a story. So I let her and M read one of the new books I'd borrowed from the library. They sat ok on the bus. And dinky walked home ok. She did get docked 3 minutes of special time. Twice for hitting as I wouldn't let her on the ice, and once for shouting at me.
When I got home I got her reading diary out, which had gone to the teacher for review. You know your child is troublesome when the first line of feedback is 'dinky is becoming more compliant to come and read in group now' although I was pretty happy reading the next part 'once she does join the group she is proud of the reading she can do and so am I! :)' (the teacher did draw a smiley face but it is hard to do it the tight way up on here!) so it seems dinky is finally showing what she can do, and the teacher is realising that dinky is not as slow as she makes out. Well, not when it comes to reading. For the life of me I have never been able to get dinky to sit and do numbers with me. When she does she gets frustrated and purposely messes about in order to get me to end the ordeal.
In myself I'm still a little fragile in the sense that I'm still a little too aware of everything going on around me. Fair enough I didn't feel my wallet go missing, but I have caught myself a few times scanning the area. I have to keep reminding myself that everything is fine. It doesn't help that yesterday I was catching up on Facebook and came across a status which reminded me more of my childhood. Not just the bad, but the good (and the wild!)
The status was 'I miss building camps in the ramps sheds.. I miss goin on the go karts dat (ok for clarification I didn't write this!) S, R and R used 2 make and I miss the rope swing on the tree that we put up at the bottom of the hill dat I fink every kid went on in W.H...those days were the best bein a adult is boring :('
The go karts were awesome and there were a coupe of hills we used to ride them down. The rope swing! That thing would have been considered a death trap by any parent had they bothered to check where we were! It was about 15 foot high on the drop and only cleared the 5 foot fence by about half a foot. Scary as anything, but such a rush!
More comments were added, like the 'borrowing' of scaffholding poles and planks of wood to build camps outdoors (after the first incident of sexual abuse I wanted to find ways of camps out of the ramps), setting fire to the large bins. Then the less wild side of 30 odd kids playing Tim tam tommy and another game. It was mental! Kids from 7 year old up to 13/14 playing together. Knock down ginger! Oh dear, our estate was kind of too perfect for that with 7/8 houses on each balcony. We got up to so much back then! I have to try to remember the fun times. It was what kept me going during the dark times. Football matches between one side of the estate and the other, being the only girl and holding my own!
There were good times.
It started ok. The woman downstairs finally moved out! Yay! I didn't throw a party, instead I fell asleep after embracing the silence. I can't think of an adequate way to sum up exactly how nice that silence was after 6months of listening to rather loud phone calls, and one, then another, child screaming for their mum's attention. Bliss? Near enough.
So when dinky woke me at 5am it wasn't the usual "argh, what time is it? Come give mummy a huggle for a bit". To be honest I don't even know why I bother. Dinky is not the kind of child that gives hugs for more than a minute (unless she's ill or hurt). She can lean on me or sit on parts of me (normally feet of arms) or put her head on my lap but she doesn't give long hugs, so why nearly every morning I hope she cuddles me for 1 hour I don't know. I blame being sleep deprived for my wishful thinking!
I watch her play with her toys while she looks at me wondering what I'm doing watching her before breakfast! At 6am it isn't the usual "ok, I'm getting up, I Am getting up". I got up and got the breakfast quicker than normal. Dinky looks at me and I smile. I do not normally smile before 7am! We get ready, dinky decides today she can't put her own socks on. So I do it for her to save arguments, well, why spoil a perfectly fine morning. So far no kids downstairs screaming and no mum swearing back at them in response. Yes, they have definitely gone!
Dinky was watching tv, she made me laugh watching Ben and Holly's little kingdom. Bless, she still tries to warn characters not to do things! But now she turns to me and says "see mum, I told him he shouldn't have done that!".
We get to the school gate and suddenly dinky decides to play up, and right in front of the head teacher as well! Oh dear. Basically, the playground was still covered in ice so the teachers had made paths and coned off the ice so the kids and parents (because let's face it some of the parents can be worse than the kids!), don't go on the ice, fall and sue the school. Oh no, that rule doesn't apply to dinky. Cones, what cones? Off she goes. I have to tear after her before she falls over or worse runs out of the other gate near the road. I can only imagine the head thinking this is exactly why we have the risk assessment! Once I get dinky and calm her down we go into her playground as we didn't have time to go and change her Wellies in cherry blossom (the SEN room). Once we get into the classroom dinky started getting agitated. I looked round, it was very busy. Dinky grabs her book and decides she wants to go to the library to do it. Before I get the chance to say anything she runs off toward the library. Luckily mrs H, dinkys favourite TA, is right by the door. She stops dinky and asks what the matter is. Dinky says she wants to do her work in the library. By this point we were joined by miss C the current TA who says it is fine. S we go to the library with mrs H. Dinky does her letters nicely. Mrs H left and dinky showed me more of her lovely letter writing skills. It was much different to the previous days where she was adamant she couldn't do it. So I was happy and so was she, after, I left dinky with miss C, whom dinky has begun to warm up to.
I got the bus and checked how much cash I had in my wallet and put it back in my pocket. When I got off the bus it wasn't there. The bus does a 15 minute loop, so I waited anxiously at the bus sto for the bus to return. The driver let me check for my wallet but there was a guy sitting in the seat I had sat in. He moved so I could check but it wasn't there. I got angry. Within 15 minutes some arsehole had stolen it. I wouldn't have minded so much if they had taken the money and left the wallet. Reason? Well, the wallet itself probably was nearing its last legs, and seeing as all the cards would be cancelled by the time the person tried to use them the cash was all that was worth them having. For me I means phoning 0845 numbers from a mobile phone (which can be quite costly), then having to relay all my security details and then waiting for a week or so for the cards, which means going into the bank and as I have no photo ID it is a struggle to get my own cash! Arrrghhhhh! As predicted I went into my bank to withdraw some cash and had to give them endless details in order to get some cash out. All cards cancelled and now the wait for cards... It sucks.
What also gets me is that I have given up smoking and decided savings would go to dinky's birthday, so far not much has been saved. I have had to get new school shoes, new water bottle (as dinky has chewed through yet another lid) and the chew necklace (to stop her chewing her toys). She loves the chew necklace! It was a fight to get her to part with it this morning, but she did eventually in return for a 20p troll toy.
I went to the library to return the behaviour books and the books I got out for dinky, and get her some more books. Then went back upto the school. I always worry when the teacher sees me, lets dinky come to me and then says "can I have a word after school tomorrow?".
I'm not quite sure what is going on now. Before christmas it was to say she had done something wholly unacceptable and for me to be made aware. However in the last 2 and a half weeks it has been to discuss ways to resolve things. Maybe it is a bit of both? I have no idea. I have the CAF meeting tomorrow morning, and now am going to see the teacher after school. This last few weeks have been very odd, as I don't know where the line is between a parent constantly seeking advice and/or help with their kid, or just a parent with a child who has problems and just wants to help to resolve them.
It does provide an opportunity to do what I was supposed to do Monday and ask for a contact book. I don't know why, but I feel like it is asking too much of the teacher to spend a few minutes writing out dinky's day, especially when she has 29 other children to supervise getting sorted to come home.
Anyway, dinky walks to the bus stop and asks for a story. So I let her and M read one of the new books I'd borrowed from the library. They sat ok on the bus. And dinky walked home ok. She did get docked 3 minutes of special time. Twice for hitting as I wouldn't let her on the ice, and once for shouting at me.
When I got home I got her reading diary out, which had gone to the teacher for review. You know your child is troublesome when the first line of feedback is 'dinky is becoming more compliant to come and read in group now' although I was pretty happy reading the next part 'once she does join the group she is proud of the reading she can do and so am I! :)' (the teacher did draw a smiley face but it is hard to do it the tight way up on here!) so it seems dinky is finally showing what she can do, and the teacher is realising that dinky is not as slow as she makes out. Well, not when it comes to reading. For the life of me I have never been able to get dinky to sit and do numbers with me. When she does she gets frustrated and purposely messes about in order to get me to end the ordeal.
In myself I'm still a little fragile in the sense that I'm still a little too aware of everything going on around me. Fair enough I didn't feel my wallet go missing, but I have caught myself a few times scanning the area. I have to keep reminding myself that everything is fine. It doesn't help that yesterday I was catching up on Facebook and came across a status which reminded me more of my childhood. Not just the bad, but the good (and the wild!)
The status was 'I miss building camps in the ramps sheds.. I miss goin on the go karts dat (ok for clarification I didn't write this!) S, R and R used 2 make and I miss the rope swing on the tree that we put up at the bottom of the hill dat I fink every kid went on in W.H...those days were the best bein a adult is boring :('
The go karts were awesome and there were a coupe of hills we used to ride them down. The rope swing! That thing would have been considered a death trap by any parent had they bothered to check where we were! It was about 15 foot high on the drop and only cleared the 5 foot fence by about half a foot. Scary as anything, but such a rush!
More comments were added, like the 'borrowing' of scaffholding poles and planks of wood to build camps outdoors (after the first incident of sexual abuse I wanted to find ways of camps out of the ramps), setting fire to the large bins. Then the less wild side of 30 odd kids playing Tim tam tommy and another game. It was mental! Kids from 7 year old up to 13/14 playing together. Knock down ginger! Oh dear, our estate was kind of too perfect for that with 7/8 houses on each balcony. We got up to so much back then! I have to try to remember the fun times. It was what kept me going during the dark times. Football matches between one side of the estate and the other, being the only girl and holding my own!
There were good times.
Tuesday 22 January 2013
Dinky's mini meltdown, the ultrasound and then massive meltdown!
This morning was pretty ordinary, until we got into the classroom.
Dinky put her bag and coat away ok, put her name on the bard and got her book.. All good! We sit down at the table and open the book to 'oo'. Dinky also had to write the words foot and food to illustrate the two lengths of 'oo' sounds. The f's were going a little wonky as she wouldn't sit on her chair properly. I was helping her form them in the correct manner by saying the shape was perfect we just needed the letters the right way up. The classroom was getting busy and I could sense dinky was getting on edge. I tried to keep her calm and focused, then the teacher came over and in her teacher voice (projective voice/not quite shouting but louder than normal) said "Remember today's sound is 'oo'" she dropped down to dinkys level and still in the teacher voice asked her how she was doing. Dinky threw the pencil down and hid under the table. I managed to coax her out. We then went off to the library to finish her work. The LSA (learning support assistant) came over and helped calm dinky down a bit as she was still not quite calm. We managed to get dinky to write some more letters and then took it back to the classroom. This morning I left dinky with the new TA, she seemed ok with it, so I left.
I went to the pharmacy and managed to get some more nicotine replacement, and got my money back for the out of date lozenges they sold me yesterday. Went home and did the washing, then thought I would take a little nap. The woman downstairs had other ideas! To be honest I don't know why she is still here! She got her keys to her brand spanking new house yesterday, surely she would move all her crap in her car that day and leave this ace never to return? Hell, the day I get my keys I will be well shot of this place! It just goes to show what a muppet she really is!
I did manage to get 1 hour of nap time. I went to have a shower but she was bathing her two sons so the shower wasn't working... Was starting to get more pissed off with her by this point... Move out already! So I had to wait an hour for the shower as this place is so bloody old it has a water tank that needed to refill.
I got to the hospital with 5 minutes until my appointment, as per usual for hospital appointments he was running late. So I started reading my book, and then got called in. The woman in there told me to strip to the waist and lay on the couch while she fetched the specialist. He bounded in, all cheerful asked me to point out the lump and then he started scanning. I felt very tense and my mind kept wondering back to the past. Thankfully I didn't have a flashback but just remembered certain things that J used to do. I just felt sick. After a few hmmm's and ahhh's he looked at me and smiled. It's a cyst, we could drain it but it should disappear by itself. He asked if it was painful, when I said it wasn't, he said he'd leave it in that case and if it got painful just go back to the GP. He said I had quite lumpy breasts and my hormones must be a little haywire and my breasts have reacted. I thought this was one of the oddest things I had heard in my life! It was just the distraction I needed. He looked at me and asked if I was ok, before I got the chance to reply he said "you are ok, I'll leave you to get dressed, when you are ready go get yourself a nice cup of tea and relax!" and he left. He was lovely, I think he must have picked up on how I was feeling. I got myself ready and walked out. Seeing as I don't drink tea I just put my headphones in and stopped for a minute. I was feeling a little fragile and for some reason a tad emotional. I sent a message to a woman I have become friends with from a sexual abuse group and let her know it was just a cyst and to thank her for her previous messages she had sent today. I told her I was a little fragile but ultimately relieved that I now know what it is.
Then it was off to get dinky. When I got on the bus my phone rang. It was the mind advocate. She asked how I was and if I'd heard anything back from CMHT. I told her I was ok and that I hadn't heard anything. She said she would get onto tomorrow for me. That was nice of her.
It started snowing as I walked up to the childminders house. I had no trouble finding the place. I rang the bell and the minder answered. Dinky took one look at me and darted off upstairs. The minder went to get her but dinky was in full screaming meltdown. Once she had managed to get dinky down the stairs I managed to get her to tell me what was wrong even though she was still really distressed. Dinky whispered in my ear that she wanted to stay longer in between racking sobs. When I told her that she couldn't stay any longer today she starting hitting me. She actually got in a few punches to my face and I was finding it hard to keep my cool. She was rapidly losing her special time for lashing out, she lost the last of it for spitting at me. Between the minder and myself we managed to get dinky's wellies on, and I literally picked her up and walked her out of the house. The snow was coming down, I hadn't managed to get her coat on her and the paths were covered in ice. She ran off down an icy slope, my heart was in my mouth. I ran after her and had to hold her for her own safety. I managed to get her calm enough to walk with me. Then I managed to get her coat on her. Then we made it to the bus stop. She was still a little stressed so I told her I loved her very much. Nothing could ever stop me loving her, even when she is upset and angry I still love her. Even when she shouts and hits me, I love her, and that I'm always here for her. We had a cuddle and finally she was back to calm.
Once we got on the bus she seemed much happier and told me that she had fun. She also told me that the older child had taken the younger child's seat which made her cry, then the minder came to tell the older one off and it was too noisy, so she put her fingers in her ears until it all stopped and then took her hands down when she was given a toy to look at. I thought it was a little odd that it was one of the two things she told me about her day.
I asked her if she had fun with the play therapist and she told me they played with the house and the red squishy frog!
There was no way dinky would have walked the 15 minutes in the snow which was coming down pretty heavy by that point. So I called a cab and we got off the bus. When we got back dinky seemed pretty happy. She had some dinner and then went to bed. I think the 20 minute meltdown affected her. For the first time in a while she fell asleep half an hour after I put her to bed.
Now I'm just drained. It's been a long afternoon.
So that's it for today....One less thing to worry about!
My way of getting through....
Bring on tomorrow... It's just another day!
Dinky put her bag and coat away ok, put her name on the bard and got her book.. All good! We sit down at the table and open the book to 'oo'. Dinky also had to write the words foot and food to illustrate the two lengths of 'oo' sounds. The f's were going a little wonky as she wouldn't sit on her chair properly. I was helping her form them in the correct manner by saying the shape was perfect we just needed the letters the right way up. The classroom was getting busy and I could sense dinky was getting on edge. I tried to keep her calm and focused, then the teacher came over and in her teacher voice (projective voice/not quite shouting but louder than normal) said "Remember today's sound is 'oo'" she dropped down to dinkys level and still in the teacher voice asked her how she was doing. Dinky threw the pencil down and hid under the table. I managed to coax her out. We then went off to the library to finish her work. The LSA (learning support assistant) came over and helped calm dinky down a bit as she was still not quite calm. We managed to get dinky to write some more letters and then took it back to the classroom. This morning I left dinky with the new TA, she seemed ok with it, so I left.
I went to the pharmacy and managed to get some more nicotine replacement, and got my money back for the out of date lozenges they sold me yesterday. Went home and did the washing, then thought I would take a little nap. The woman downstairs had other ideas! To be honest I don't know why she is still here! She got her keys to her brand spanking new house yesterday, surely she would move all her crap in her car that day and leave this ace never to return? Hell, the day I get my keys I will be well shot of this place! It just goes to show what a muppet she really is!
I did manage to get 1 hour of nap time. I went to have a shower but she was bathing her two sons so the shower wasn't working... Was starting to get more pissed off with her by this point... Move out already! So I had to wait an hour for the shower as this place is so bloody old it has a water tank that needed to refill.
I got to the hospital with 5 minutes until my appointment, as per usual for hospital appointments he was running late. So I started reading my book, and then got called in. The woman in there told me to strip to the waist and lay on the couch while she fetched the specialist. He bounded in, all cheerful asked me to point out the lump and then he started scanning. I felt very tense and my mind kept wondering back to the past. Thankfully I didn't have a flashback but just remembered certain things that J used to do. I just felt sick. After a few hmmm's and ahhh's he looked at me and smiled. It's a cyst, we could drain it but it should disappear by itself. He asked if it was painful, when I said it wasn't, he said he'd leave it in that case and if it got painful just go back to the GP. He said I had quite lumpy breasts and my hormones must be a little haywire and my breasts have reacted. I thought this was one of the oddest things I had heard in my life! It was just the distraction I needed. He looked at me and asked if I was ok, before I got the chance to reply he said "you are ok, I'll leave you to get dressed, when you are ready go get yourself a nice cup of tea and relax!" and he left. He was lovely, I think he must have picked up on how I was feeling. I got myself ready and walked out. Seeing as I don't drink tea I just put my headphones in and stopped for a minute. I was feeling a little fragile and for some reason a tad emotional. I sent a message to a woman I have become friends with from a sexual abuse group and let her know it was just a cyst and to thank her for her previous messages she had sent today. I told her I was a little fragile but ultimately relieved that I now know what it is.
Then it was off to get dinky. When I got on the bus my phone rang. It was the mind advocate. She asked how I was and if I'd heard anything back from CMHT. I told her I was ok and that I hadn't heard anything. She said she would get onto tomorrow for me. That was nice of her.
It started snowing as I walked up to the childminders house. I had no trouble finding the place. I rang the bell and the minder answered. Dinky took one look at me and darted off upstairs. The minder went to get her but dinky was in full screaming meltdown. Once she had managed to get dinky down the stairs I managed to get her to tell me what was wrong even though she was still really distressed. Dinky whispered in my ear that she wanted to stay longer in between racking sobs. When I told her that she couldn't stay any longer today she starting hitting me. She actually got in a few punches to my face and I was finding it hard to keep my cool. She was rapidly losing her special time for lashing out, she lost the last of it for spitting at me. Between the minder and myself we managed to get dinky's wellies on, and I literally picked her up and walked her out of the house. The snow was coming down, I hadn't managed to get her coat on her and the paths were covered in ice. She ran off down an icy slope, my heart was in my mouth. I ran after her and had to hold her for her own safety. I managed to get her calm enough to walk with me. Then I managed to get her coat on her. Then we made it to the bus stop. She was still a little stressed so I told her I loved her very much. Nothing could ever stop me loving her, even when she is upset and angry I still love her. Even when she shouts and hits me, I love her, and that I'm always here for her. We had a cuddle and finally she was back to calm.
Once we got on the bus she seemed much happier and told me that she had fun. She also told me that the older child had taken the younger child's seat which made her cry, then the minder came to tell the older one off and it was too noisy, so she put her fingers in her ears until it all stopped and then took her hands down when she was given a toy to look at. I thought it was a little odd that it was one of the two things she told me about her day.
I asked her if she had fun with the play therapist and she told me they played with the house and the red squishy frog!
There was no way dinky would have walked the 15 minutes in the snow which was coming down pretty heavy by that point. So I called a cab and we got off the bus. When we got back dinky seemed pretty happy. She had some dinner and then went to bed. I think the 20 minute meltdown affected her. For the first time in a while she fell asleep half an hour after I put her to bed.
Now I'm just drained. It's been a long afternoon.
So that's it for today....One less thing to worry about!
My way of getting through....
Bring on tomorrow... It's just another day!
Monday 21 January 2013
Today just has not been my day!!!
Dinky woke me up at 5.45am. I had no idea if the school was open or not, I decided to get dinky ready in time just in case it was open. I found out at 7am it was. So we left for school. A little messing about in the snow, but nothing too bad from dinky and all was well.
We got to school, she changed her trousers and shoes in the SEN room, very minor messing about, no issues. Phonics was a bit of a nightmare, but it wasn't a chaotic as normal as not many people came at 8.30. Dinky didn't run off, but was vey easily distracted by everyone else. She made quite a bit of noise and the teacher came over and told her to be quiet as other children were working. It was at that point that I realised there was no TA and no staff member to greet dinky. I let the teacher I know I was leaving and that dinky was playing with her friend. I went to find one of the other mums but she was still doing phonics with her daughter so I went to check on dinky as the teacher had 29 other kids to look after. Through the window I could see dinky and 2 other kids messing about at the door the other end of the classroom. I kept watching and dinky could have gone anywhere and no one would have been any the wiser. The teacher saw me and came out, at that point the deputy head was with dinky. I said I was fine, I was waiting for another parent. I went back over to the other classroom and saw that both TA's were in that class. I was a little confused because it was in the risk assessment I signed just last week that dinky is to be greeted by a member of staff.
When the other mum came out, we went down to the bus stop. I found out that the teacher hadn't arrived so they put the two TA's in that class. The journey to the bus stop was 60% the other mum moaning that the school was open, 20% her moaning about her daughter not eating breakfast because she was watching tv and 20% me trying to discuss dinky with no avail.
I went home, phoned the council (my dad wants to move up here, so wanted to find out if he was eligible for housing benefit as it is more expensive here than it is where he is), he is eligible for a 1 bedroom. I phoned the county council about travel to school when dinky turns 5, the person I needed to speak to was in a meeting. I logged onto the housing website and would have been second on the list at 10 am but it was the wrong area.
I got bored and decided to go to the library to find any books to deal with dinky. On the way there, I popped into the pharmacy as I had completely ran out of nicorette lozenges (which are fantastic!). I had gone on friday but apparently they only had one person able to 'administer the cessation medication' and she happened to be out at that point. She doesn't work Saturdays and then I found today she doesn't work Monday's either. I was slightly annoyed that the only person who was qualified to run the cessation service was not a full time member of staff! Helpful.... Not! I tried to explain that I was quite frustrated that there was only one person able to run it, what if she was sick for two weeks, the service would presumably be cancelled? So much for 'pledging our hearts to keep yours healthy'! So I ended up paying for the lozenges.
I got a book out called 'how to calm a challenging child'. It's not a bad book. Most of it is common sense. Unfortunately it isn't all that common though! If you can get past the putting your own frustration and agenda to one side and think of things from the child's perspective then it's all good... Well, thanks captain obvious. I think most parents have problems with not snapping at children in certain circumstances for instance...
When they suddenly become incapable of putting on their own socks on the ONE day when you are running behind in the morning, and you cant do it yourself as you are busy trying to find your keys that you later find they have hidden in their toy box!
when you get an important phone call and they decide that it is precisely the moment when you get into a flow of conversation that they desperately need to talk to you, need to know who is on the phone, need food, need a drink or just need your undivided attention.
When you take them to the park and give them time warnings, yet when it is time to go, they scream like they are being murdered and run like they are being chased by the boogeyman!
I could go on, but wont! There are a few things I will try to incorporate in my discipline, how successful they will be, I have no idea.
I was going to get dinky and bumped into the childminder. She had found someone to have dinky tomorrow, dinky knows her, I however, do not. So I walked with her and waited to meet the other minder. She was late so I went to get dinky. I didn't get a chance to talk to the teacher as I still had to meet the person picking dinky up. I ended up watching my friends son, and the childminders son while she looked for one of the other kids who had managed to get lost among the sea of children in the playground.
It was at that point I got a call from the county council regarding the travel to school. I explained that the hostel was the opposite end to town to dinky's school and when she turns 5 it will cost me £75 a month to keep her in school. The response was less than helpful. Not only do we not qualify because dinky doesn't go to the nearest school to where we live but they won't offer assistance to those in temporary addresses. So I had dinky messing about in the snow, I had my friend's autistic son trying to play in the snow but I had hold of his wrist reins, the childminder's son was throwing snowballs at the teachers cars and I was scanning for the 4 year old that had gotten herself lost in the crowd, and the guy on the other end of the phone was being less than helpful, so as politely as I could I ended the call whilst conveying my disgust at the lack of help he was offering. Once I put the phone down I realised how much of a muppet he was! Being the schools transport something or other for the area, you would think he would have more sense than to phone at 3pm, which he should be aware is home time for the majority of primary schools in the area!
I met the childminder having dinky. She seemed really nice and dinky recognised her so I feel a little better about leaving her there.
We got the bus and I managed to keep dinky occupied by reading the two books in her book bag. She wasn't too interested in both of them but still liked me reading. Walking home was a bit of a nightmare as she wouldn't wear her hat or her gloves. the gloves was more of an issue as she felt the need to brush the snow with her hands and squeeze it between her fingers. Her hands were red raw but she didn't complain about them.
We got home and I went for the lozenges I begrudgingly paid for and was fiddling with the box only to find the bloody things were out of date by 3 months!
I completely forgot to write the petition header on a work issue for my dad so did that while dinky had dinner.
Dinky decided she wasn't going to go to sleep because she wasn't tired. Then 1 hour later she asked me what my phone number was, she got really agitated and insistent that she had to have it that instant. I was quite concerned by how upset she was getting about it. So I wrote it down and we agreed I would put it in her book bag right there and then. She wanted her book bag next to her bed, again very insistent. She seemed much happier knowing it was there.
I spoke to my dad and told him what the council said and gave him his petition header. I told him about dinky and the morning. At that point I got quite annoyed because I realised that before the deputy head came out dinky could have gone anywhere so much for 'Staff to be extra vigilant when the gates are unlocked between 8:40am and 9:30am'. No one would have been any the wiser as the part 'dinky will be greeted by a member of staff to ensure they know when she has arrived in the mornings.' was not adhered to either. I'm guessing if I approached them about it they would say that the teacher knew she had arrived (despite the fact she had no idea that the deputy was taking to her in the corridoor outside the classroom.) and that the deputy had spoken to her so was vigilant. I'm guessing if dinky hadn't have been messing about and quietly run off she could have been anywhere. Now I know how they lost her for 45 minutes in the first term!
Fair enough dinky shouldnt be behaving like that, but there is nothing I can do from home, I also can not reinforce the schools position if I had only been told once that she had gone missing yet was told a week ago that she had done it 'on numerous occassions'!
Well at least I haven't had a chance to really think about tomorrow!
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, well at least before 3.40pm, I don't think tomorrows appointment could be included in any good day.
So until tomorrow!
We got to school, she changed her trousers and shoes in the SEN room, very minor messing about, no issues. Phonics was a bit of a nightmare, but it wasn't a chaotic as normal as not many people came at 8.30. Dinky didn't run off, but was vey easily distracted by everyone else. She made quite a bit of noise and the teacher came over and told her to be quiet as other children were working. It was at that point that I realised there was no TA and no staff member to greet dinky. I let the teacher I know I was leaving and that dinky was playing with her friend. I went to find one of the other mums but she was still doing phonics with her daughter so I went to check on dinky as the teacher had 29 other kids to look after. Through the window I could see dinky and 2 other kids messing about at the door the other end of the classroom. I kept watching and dinky could have gone anywhere and no one would have been any the wiser. The teacher saw me and came out, at that point the deputy head was with dinky. I said I was fine, I was waiting for another parent. I went back over to the other classroom and saw that both TA's were in that class. I was a little confused because it was in the risk assessment I signed just last week that dinky is to be greeted by a member of staff.
When the other mum came out, we went down to the bus stop. I found out that the teacher hadn't arrived so they put the two TA's in that class. The journey to the bus stop was 60% the other mum moaning that the school was open, 20% her moaning about her daughter not eating breakfast because she was watching tv and 20% me trying to discuss dinky with no avail.
I went home, phoned the council (my dad wants to move up here, so wanted to find out if he was eligible for housing benefit as it is more expensive here than it is where he is), he is eligible for a 1 bedroom. I phoned the county council about travel to school when dinky turns 5, the person I needed to speak to was in a meeting. I logged onto the housing website and would have been second on the list at 10 am but it was the wrong area.
I got bored and decided to go to the library to find any books to deal with dinky. On the way there, I popped into the pharmacy as I had completely ran out of nicorette lozenges (which are fantastic!). I had gone on friday but apparently they only had one person able to 'administer the cessation medication' and she happened to be out at that point. She doesn't work Saturdays and then I found today she doesn't work Monday's either. I was slightly annoyed that the only person who was qualified to run the cessation service was not a full time member of staff! Helpful.... Not! I tried to explain that I was quite frustrated that there was only one person able to run it, what if she was sick for two weeks, the service would presumably be cancelled? So much for 'pledging our hearts to keep yours healthy'! So I ended up paying for the lozenges.
I got a book out called 'how to calm a challenging child'. It's not a bad book. Most of it is common sense. Unfortunately it isn't all that common though! If you can get past the putting your own frustration and agenda to one side and think of things from the child's perspective then it's all good... Well, thanks captain obvious. I think most parents have problems with not snapping at children in certain circumstances for instance...
When they suddenly become incapable of putting on their own socks on the ONE day when you are running behind in the morning, and you cant do it yourself as you are busy trying to find your keys that you later find they have hidden in their toy box!
when you get an important phone call and they decide that it is precisely the moment when you get into a flow of conversation that they desperately need to talk to you, need to know who is on the phone, need food, need a drink or just need your undivided attention.
When you take them to the park and give them time warnings, yet when it is time to go, they scream like they are being murdered and run like they are being chased by the boogeyman!
I could go on, but wont! There are a few things I will try to incorporate in my discipline, how successful they will be, I have no idea.
I was going to get dinky and bumped into the childminder. She had found someone to have dinky tomorrow, dinky knows her, I however, do not. So I walked with her and waited to meet the other minder. She was late so I went to get dinky. I didn't get a chance to talk to the teacher as I still had to meet the person picking dinky up. I ended up watching my friends son, and the childminders son while she looked for one of the other kids who had managed to get lost among the sea of children in the playground.
It was at that point I got a call from the county council regarding the travel to school. I explained that the hostel was the opposite end to town to dinky's school and when she turns 5 it will cost me £75 a month to keep her in school. The response was less than helpful. Not only do we not qualify because dinky doesn't go to the nearest school to where we live but they won't offer assistance to those in temporary addresses. So I had dinky messing about in the snow, I had my friend's autistic son trying to play in the snow but I had hold of his wrist reins, the childminder's son was throwing snowballs at the teachers cars and I was scanning for the 4 year old that had gotten herself lost in the crowd, and the guy on the other end of the phone was being less than helpful, so as politely as I could I ended the call whilst conveying my disgust at the lack of help he was offering. Once I put the phone down I realised how much of a muppet he was! Being the schools transport something or other for the area, you would think he would have more sense than to phone at 3pm, which he should be aware is home time for the majority of primary schools in the area!
I met the childminder having dinky. She seemed really nice and dinky recognised her so I feel a little better about leaving her there.
We got the bus and I managed to keep dinky occupied by reading the two books in her book bag. She wasn't too interested in both of them but still liked me reading. Walking home was a bit of a nightmare as she wouldn't wear her hat or her gloves. the gloves was more of an issue as she felt the need to brush the snow with her hands and squeeze it between her fingers. Her hands were red raw but she didn't complain about them.
We got home and I went for the lozenges I begrudgingly paid for and was fiddling with the box only to find the bloody things were out of date by 3 months!
I completely forgot to write the petition header on a work issue for my dad so did that while dinky had dinner.
Dinky decided she wasn't going to go to sleep because she wasn't tired. Then 1 hour later she asked me what my phone number was, she got really agitated and insistent that she had to have it that instant. I was quite concerned by how upset she was getting about it. So I wrote it down and we agreed I would put it in her book bag right there and then. She wanted her book bag next to her bed, again very insistent. She seemed much happier knowing it was there.
I spoke to my dad and told him what the council said and gave him his petition header. I told him about dinky and the morning. At that point I got quite annoyed because I realised that before the deputy head came out dinky could have gone anywhere so much for 'Staff to be extra vigilant when the gates are unlocked between 8:40am and 9:30am'. No one would have been any the wiser as the part 'dinky will be greeted by a member of staff to ensure they know when she has arrived in the mornings.' was not adhered to either. I'm guessing if I approached them about it they would say that the teacher knew she had arrived (despite the fact she had no idea that the deputy was taking to her in the corridoor outside the classroom.) and that the deputy had spoken to her so was vigilant. I'm guessing if dinky hadn't have been messing about and quietly run off she could have been anywhere. Now I know how they lost her for 45 minutes in the first term!
Fair enough dinky shouldnt be behaving like that, but there is nothing I can do from home, I also can not reinforce the schools position if I had only been told once that she had gone missing yet was told a week ago that she had done it 'on numerous occassions'!
Well at least I haven't had a chance to really think about tomorrow!
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, well at least before 3.40pm, I don't think tomorrows appointment could be included in any good day.
So until tomorrow!
Sunday 20 January 2013
Sunday again.. What happened this week... What to do next week...
This week...
Wow, I have just been trying to remember what happened on what day and I cant believe it has only been a week! So much for 2013 being easier!
He main things that have come from this week...
Dinky "is a Special needs child" a direct quote from the deputy head who also happens to be the ANL (additional needs leader) who knows every child with SEN (special educational needs) that has been through the school in the time she has been there. Then there is the play therapist. Now I didn't put down the whole conversation we had, to be honest, it is difficult to process someone asking all these questions and you don't know if your answers are a good thing or bad thing. I'm more inclined to the bad things....
The play therapist asked if dinky had any toddler tendencies
Well, there is the baby whining (which drives me and my dad bonkers!)
The tantrums, they haven't been all that regular but can be violent
there is her obsession with putting things in her mouth. Especially small rubbery toys.
Then she asked what dinky was like around noise
Well she can get a bit funny, she never liked the Hoover, and puts her hands over her ears under bridges where trains pass over the top and sometimes throws tantrums.
The play therapist also said that dinky seemed to be off in her own little world a lot. She looked at me funny when I said dinky had always been like that, right from being little, she was always such an easy baby.
Then I started thinking more in it this weekend, what else sets dinky aside?
The fact she takes things literally, doesn't look me in the eye when I'm talking to her (It drives me mad), her rather deep fascination with space and her knowledge of space which is phenomenal given she was only 3 when she got into it and could tell you anything you never knew... Like what the rings of Saturn are made from, the fact that the sun is a star, why we get half moons and full moons. Plus at the age of 4 she showed up a bunch of secondary school kids on a trip to the museum by answering the question 'the rocket then goes around the earth, what is this called?' dinky whispers Orbit in my ear. Two kids get it wrong and dinky shouts out "ORBIT". Everyone is stunned but thinks I gave her the answer, except for the kids around us who heard dinky say it to me first.
Most of them separate, are things that you can pass off as one thing or another. Together, well. I never put it all together before. Does it mean she has a problem? I don't know. The risk assessment is another giveaway...The play therapist and the ANL think there is, and so does dinky's teacher. Maybe I should actually join them and admit maybe there is something going on with dinky that is not housing related.
Other than that I got my ultrasound appointment, and after knowing for 2weeks that snow was coming, buses, trains and schools come crashing to a halt! I'm pretty sure most of the other countries around the world are laughing so much at our inability to handle a little snow! I mean here it was about 3/4 cm, schools shut and buses not running to the school all over 3/4cms of snow.
So next week...
Monday... IF the school is open I am going to have a word with the ANL and the class teacher and see if we can do phonics in the library or in cherry blossom (small SEN room) and ask if it is possible to start a contact book.
Also check with the childminder as to who is having dinky Tuesday and bid for any houses that we are eligible for.
Tuesday...
My ultrasound appointment at the hospital. I am dreading it both for the normal reasons and the flashback/intrusive memories reasons. (the normal reasons include the distinct possibility of being stabbed in the breast with a large needle!)
Wednesday...
If I haven't received word from CMHT, I'm going to make an appointment with the GP.
Thursday... Not much planned
Friday...
CAF form at the school...
And that is about it!
I'm trying to focus on dinky's issues
1) because I'm her mum and it's my job
2) because I feel guilty as hell that I didn't think there was an issue before
3) because I can't face my stuff at the moment and it doesn't help I'm in between mental health nurses at the moment
4) because it's probably the only thing that can be dealt with properly right now
Until my next post!
Wow, I have just been trying to remember what happened on what day and I cant believe it has only been a week! So much for 2013 being easier!
He main things that have come from this week...
Dinky "is a Special needs child" a direct quote from the deputy head who also happens to be the ANL (additional needs leader) who knows every child with SEN (special educational needs) that has been through the school in the time she has been there. Then there is the play therapist. Now I didn't put down the whole conversation we had, to be honest, it is difficult to process someone asking all these questions and you don't know if your answers are a good thing or bad thing. I'm more inclined to the bad things....
The play therapist asked if dinky had any toddler tendencies
Well, there is the baby whining (which drives me and my dad bonkers!)
The tantrums, they haven't been all that regular but can be violent
there is her obsession with putting things in her mouth. Especially small rubbery toys.
Then she asked what dinky was like around noise
Well she can get a bit funny, she never liked the Hoover, and puts her hands over her ears under bridges where trains pass over the top and sometimes throws tantrums.
The play therapist also said that dinky seemed to be off in her own little world a lot. She looked at me funny when I said dinky had always been like that, right from being little, she was always such an easy baby.
Then I started thinking more in it this weekend, what else sets dinky aside?
The fact she takes things literally, doesn't look me in the eye when I'm talking to her (It drives me mad), her rather deep fascination with space and her knowledge of space which is phenomenal given she was only 3 when she got into it and could tell you anything you never knew... Like what the rings of Saturn are made from, the fact that the sun is a star, why we get half moons and full moons. Plus at the age of 4 she showed up a bunch of secondary school kids on a trip to the museum by answering the question 'the rocket then goes around the earth, what is this called?' dinky whispers Orbit in my ear. Two kids get it wrong and dinky shouts out "ORBIT". Everyone is stunned but thinks I gave her the answer, except for the kids around us who heard dinky say it to me first.
Most of them separate, are things that you can pass off as one thing or another. Together, well. I never put it all together before. Does it mean she has a problem? I don't know. The risk assessment is another giveaway...The play therapist and the ANL think there is, and so does dinky's teacher. Maybe I should actually join them and admit maybe there is something going on with dinky that is not housing related.
Other than that I got my ultrasound appointment, and after knowing for 2weeks that snow was coming, buses, trains and schools come crashing to a halt! I'm pretty sure most of the other countries around the world are laughing so much at our inability to handle a little snow! I mean here it was about 3/4 cm, schools shut and buses not running to the school all over 3/4cms of snow.
So next week...
Monday... IF the school is open I am going to have a word with the ANL and the class teacher and see if we can do phonics in the library or in cherry blossom (small SEN room) and ask if it is possible to start a contact book.
Also check with the childminder as to who is having dinky Tuesday and bid for any houses that we are eligible for.
Tuesday...
My ultrasound appointment at the hospital. I am dreading it both for the normal reasons and the flashback/intrusive memories reasons. (the normal reasons include the distinct possibility of being stabbed in the breast with a large needle!)
Wednesday...
If I haven't received word from CMHT, I'm going to make an appointment with the GP.
Thursday... Not much planned
Friday...
CAF form at the school...
And that is about it!
I'm trying to focus on dinky's issues
1) because I'm her mum and it's my job
2) because I feel guilty as hell that I didn't think there was an issue before
3) because I can't face my stuff at the moment and it doesn't help I'm in between mental health nurses at the moment
4) because it's probably the only thing that can be dealt with properly right now
Until my next post!
Friday 18 January 2013
Snow= chaos! + Tuesday's breast ultrasound and biopsy
Yesterday dinky had a huge meltdown at the crowded bus stop!
It was a little too much, I had to restrain her to stop her doing a runner. M's (dinky's friend) nan who gets the bus home with us regularly asked if dinky get upset much around unexpected loud noises. I said yes, she said it was just that the only times she has seen dinky have meltdowns, it was when the bus stop was crowded.
When I spoke to my dad last night he agreed that it is possible as whenever she has had a meltdown with him, it has always been when there has been a lot going on around them. That must be why she is running off every phonics morning!
The door opens at 8.30 and from that moment it is pure chaos! Half the class and the parents come at 8.30, Kids are putting their stuff away, parents scrambling for seats, and babies normally are crying. More parents and children turn up, then some parents are leaving and more parents and children are coming. More putting stuff away scrambling for seats, children are trying to get the teachers attention to show them their work, the teacher is asking loudly over people to remind them of the days sound. Dinky says she needs to go to the toilet and hides in the tent or behind the puppet theatre outside the room. Both myself and Mrs. N thought it was a way to get out of doing her work but I think it is more likely the chaos. I was going to talk to Mrs.N after school and ask if I could still come at 8.30 to do phonics with dinky but that we go and do it in the library or cherry blossom (small SEN room). I didn't get a chance as I got phone calls and text messages at about 11.30am to let me know the school was shutting at 1pm, and children were being let go as soon as parents arrived.
I was really considering cancelling my appointment for the ultrasound next week. The childminder can't seem to find someone to have dinky, and it is hard for her as she has dinky's friend K on tuesdays (he was diagnosed with high functioning Autism in May/June last year). Dinky and him together in the same room can be very hard for most people. My dad managed it but was shattered afterwards. I'm still considering it, but the childminder said give her some time and she will see if she can get anyone else to have dinky, if not, she will do it. I might have to buy her something nice to say thank you after having them together for 2 hours if she dies end up doing it!
It is just such a hassle not having anyone I can call on if I need help with dinky. Hopefully this appointment will show nothing wrong and it becomes the end of it. I can't help thinking if it is not the end of it,what the hell am I going to do? What if I need surgery to remove the lump? I know they do day surgery, but I don't know if I'll be in and out during school hours, and what if dinky has a meltdown when I pick her up? It's all stuff I have to prepare for but don't have any answers for.
Bad times, layered on bad times on a hill of bad times! I guess I could wallow in self pity or get on with it. I choose the latter!
So head up, shoulders back, and bring it on!
It was a little too much, I had to restrain her to stop her doing a runner. M's (dinky's friend) nan who gets the bus home with us regularly asked if dinky get upset much around unexpected loud noises. I said yes, she said it was just that the only times she has seen dinky have meltdowns, it was when the bus stop was crowded.
When I spoke to my dad last night he agreed that it is possible as whenever she has had a meltdown with him, it has always been when there has been a lot going on around them. That must be why she is running off every phonics morning!
The door opens at 8.30 and from that moment it is pure chaos! Half the class and the parents come at 8.30, Kids are putting their stuff away, parents scrambling for seats, and babies normally are crying. More parents and children turn up, then some parents are leaving and more parents and children are coming. More putting stuff away scrambling for seats, children are trying to get the teachers attention to show them their work, the teacher is asking loudly over people to remind them of the days sound. Dinky says she needs to go to the toilet and hides in the tent or behind the puppet theatre outside the room. Both myself and Mrs. N thought it was a way to get out of doing her work but I think it is more likely the chaos. I was going to talk to Mrs.N after school and ask if I could still come at 8.30 to do phonics with dinky but that we go and do it in the library or cherry blossom (small SEN room). I didn't get a chance as I got phone calls and text messages at about 11.30am to let me know the school was shutting at 1pm, and children were being let go as soon as parents arrived.
I was really considering cancelling my appointment for the ultrasound next week. The childminder can't seem to find someone to have dinky, and it is hard for her as she has dinky's friend K on tuesdays (he was diagnosed with high functioning Autism in May/June last year). Dinky and him together in the same room can be very hard for most people. My dad managed it but was shattered afterwards. I'm still considering it, but the childminder said give her some time and she will see if she can get anyone else to have dinky, if not, she will do it. I might have to buy her something nice to say thank you after having them together for 2 hours if she dies end up doing it!
It is just such a hassle not having anyone I can call on if I need help with dinky. Hopefully this appointment will show nothing wrong and it becomes the end of it. I can't help thinking if it is not the end of it,what the hell am I going to do? What if I need surgery to remove the lump? I know they do day surgery, but I don't know if I'll be in and out during school hours, and what if dinky has a meltdown when I pick her up? It's all stuff I have to prepare for but don't have any answers for.
Bad times, layered on bad times on a hill of bad times! I guess I could wallow in self pity or get on with it. I choose the latter!
So head up, shoulders back, and bring it on!
Wednesday 16 January 2013
Dinky's morning and risk assessment
Dinky was a little bit of a pickle this morning. We only just made it out of the hostel on time! We got to school and dinky found the water table, which had frozen over. She had taken her gloves off long before we got to school, and started seeing how much force the ice could take! Then she managed to grab as many kids as she could to look at the ice. By the time the door opened for phonics there were a few children pushing on the ice with their parents trying to pull them away! Dinky got the teacher to look at the ice and the teacher asked the kids why there was a layer of ice.. Just then one of the dads (who I will just have to call super dad because he makes me laugh pretty much every time he drops his son off or picks him up!) squealed 'oh look ice!' took his glove off and pushed it then it cracked and most of the kids who were still by the table felt their hands get soaked as the weakened ice gave way. Super dad whispered in my ear, shall we teach them to walk on iced over ponds next? I said I wouldn't tell dinky or his son that they might actually want to do it!
So we got everything squared away to start phonics and super dads son came over with dinky's sticker sheet for coming into class with her shoes on and without running off. Dinky grabbed it and ran off to the medical room to get her stickers. I was still putting the book bag away when she ran off, I saw mrs W the deputy run after dinky, and mrs N ran out just before me to get her back to class. Mrs. W explained to dinky that she had to do her phonics before she could get her stickers and she wouldn't get them without her post it note smiley faces from Mrs. N. she also told dinky she would finish their story from yesterday once she had done phonics with mummy. So dinky was happy to run back to class and grab her book. She tried doing the letters but had the attention span of a goldfish this morning so we left it after she had done two of each set.
as soon as she finished she took her book to Mrs D (the wednesday class supervisor) and she got her two smiley faces. We went to the medical room, got the stickers and dinky walked right into the deputies office and asked the head teacher to leave so she could finish her story! The head just said 'ok dinky, enjoy your book!'. I said goodbye to dinky and gave her a kiss and cuddle.. Done!
On my way out the teacher asked if I could pop in after school and sign the risk assessment.
I do some shopping and boring stuff like buy her some new school shoes ect..
On the bus to school I bumped into one of dinky's friends nan. She always picks up M and his sister Tuesday-Friday and we get the bus back across town. We chatted on the way to school and stopped at the cafe for a drink. I mentioned having to speak to the childminder about possibly having dinky for my appointment and she said there was no point in wasting money, she would take dinky from school for me and bring her up to the hospital by which point I should be done and ready to go home! That's one less thing to worry about! I told her I would be late to the bus stop as I had to stop off in the class to sign dinky's risk assessment.
I got to the school and super dad was talking to another dad. I joined in their conversation. Then the topic changed to the kids. Super dad said his favourite by far was dinky, maybe almost as much as his own kid because at least he wasn't the only one who misbehaved. I said yeah, dinky is his son+. Super dad asked if I thought dinky was worse than his son. I asked if his son was on the SEN register, he said no. Then he made a big joke out of it saying that she was even higher in his estimation by being on a register and so having three letters added to her name like an OBE, or bachelor of hons! His son came out before dinky and he said he would wait, I said there was no need as I had to go sign a risk assessment for dinky. He laughed and said ok, dinky wins, maybe she is son+! I said there is no winner in this we both still have children who like to create mayhem!
So I went into the classroom, and sat down while dinky pulled out some toys. The teacher pulled out the risk assessment and said even though I already knew what was going to go in it she would have to explain it to me and get me to sign it.
Dinky's risk assessment....
Potential risk-
*Dinky running away
How the risk can be avoided-
*Dinky will receive a sticker if she comes into school without trying to run away
*Dinky will be greeted by a member of staff to ensure they know when she has arrived
*Staff will be extra vigilant when the gates are unlocked between 8:40am and 9.30am
Potential risk-
*Dinky getting hurt if adults need to hold her because she is trying to run away
How the risk can be avoided-
*Staff to only hold dinky if where she is running to is unsafe. For example- if the gates are lock and dinky attempts to run outside, staff will let her go and follow her to keep her safe. If the gates are unlocked because it is early in the morning, staff may need to hold dinky in order to keep her safe from the roads.
*If dinky needs to be held, where possible this will be a member of staff who has attended 'team teach' training
*any occasion when it has been necessary to hold dinky, will be written up
*dinky's mum will be informed of any occasions when staff have had to hold dinky
*staff will only hold dinky for the minimal amount of time and with the minimal amount of force
*other strategies will always be tried prior to holding such as distraction
*two members of staff will always be present when any holds are taking place.
I asked the teacher who the trained staff were and she said she would find out but she wasn't one of them.
We discussed dinky a little and at the end the teacher said that dinky really does try to be good and she is very sweet and her friends are important to her. She also said that her bad behaviour wasn't spiteful or malicious in anyway, she is just a little more work than the majority of the other children. The one thing that did stick out for me is that she said that she needs to create that kind of adult/child bond with dinky that mrs H, mrs W and the play therapist have with her, but she finds it difficult.
So we got everything squared away to start phonics and super dads son came over with dinky's sticker sheet for coming into class with her shoes on and without running off. Dinky grabbed it and ran off to the medical room to get her stickers. I was still putting the book bag away when she ran off, I saw mrs W the deputy run after dinky, and mrs N ran out just before me to get her back to class. Mrs. W explained to dinky that she had to do her phonics before she could get her stickers and she wouldn't get them without her post it note smiley faces from Mrs. N. she also told dinky she would finish their story from yesterday once she had done phonics with mummy. So dinky was happy to run back to class and grab her book. She tried doing the letters but had the attention span of a goldfish this morning so we left it after she had done two of each set.
as soon as she finished she took her book to Mrs D (the wednesday class supervisor) and she got her two smiley faces. We went to the medical room, got the stickers and dinky walked right into the deputies office and asked the head teacher to leave so she could finish her story! The head just said 'ok dinky, enjoy your book!'. I said goodbye to dinky and gave her a kiss and cuddle.. Done!
On my way out the teacher asked if I could pop in after school and sign the risk assessment.
I do some shopping and boring stuff like buy her some new school shoes ect..
On the bus to school I bumped into one of dinky's friends nan. She always picks up M and his sister Tuesday-Friday and we get the bus back across town. We chatted on the way to school and stopped at the cafe for a drink. I mentioned having to speak to the childminder about possibly having dinky for my appointment and she said there was no point in wasting money, she would take dinky from school for me and bring her up to the hospital by which point I should be done and ready to go home! That's one less thing to worry about! I told her I would be late to the bus stop as I had to stop off in the class to sign dinky's risk assessment.
I got to the school and super dad was talking to another dad. I joined in their conversation. Then the topic changed to the kids. Super dad said his favourite by far was dinky, maybe almost as much as his own kid because at least he wasn't the only one who misbehaved. I said yeah, dinky is his son+. Super dad asked if I thought dinky was worse than his son. I asked if his son was on the SEN register, he said no. Then he made a big joke out of it saying that she was even higher in his estimation by being on a register and so having three letters added to her name like an OBE, or bachelor of hons! His son came out before dinky and he said he would wait, I said there was no need as I had to go sign a risk assessment for dinky. He laughed and said ok, dinky wins, maybe she is son+! I said there is no winner in this we both still have children who like to create mayhem!
So I went into the classroom, and sat down while dinky pulled out some toys. The teacher pulled out the risk assessment and said even though I already knew what was going to go in it she would have to explain it to me and get me to sign it.
Dinky's risk assessment....
Potential risk-
*Dinky running away
How the risk can be avoided-
*Dinky will receive a sticker if she comes into school without trying to run away
*Dinky will be greeted by a member of staff to ensure they know when she has arrived
*Staff will be extra vigilant when the gates are unlocked between 8:40am and 9.30am
Potential risk-
*Dinky getting hurt if adults need to hold her because she is trying to run away
How the risk can be avoided-
*Staff to only hold dinky if where she is running to is unsafe. For example- if the gates are lock and dinky attempts to run outside, staff will let her go and follow her to keep her safe. If the gates are unlocked because it is early in the morning, staff may need to hold dinky in order to keep her safe from the roads.
*If dinky needs to be held, where possible this will be a member of staff who has attended 'team teach' training
*any occasion when it has been necessary to hold dinky, will be written up
*dinky's mum will be informed of any occasions when staff have had to hold dinky
*staff will only hold dinky for the minimal amount of time and with the minimal amount of force
*other strategies will always be tried prior to holding such as distraction
*two members of staff will always be present when any holds are taking place.
I asked the teacher who the trained staff were and she said she would find out but she wasn't one of them.
We discussed dinky a little and at the end the teacher said that dinky really does try to be good and she is very sweet and her friends are important to her. She also said that her bad behaviour wasn't spiteful or malicious in anyway, she is just a little more work than the majority of the other children. The one thing that did stick out for me is that she said that she needs to create that kind of adult/child bond with dinky that mrs H, mrs W and the play therapist have with her, but she finds it difficult.
Tuesday 15 January 2013
The good, the bad, and the cutie!
So this morning dinky got ready ok. We got to school ok (I was quite amazed at how simple the morning was going, but it was play therapy day and dinky loves it!). Then there was a little tussle on the playground. The school can be a bit idiotic at times! They put out all the fun toys for planning time before the kids arrive and then put up signs saying that the children are not to play with them. It is hard enough for most of the children, but what is the child with behavioural issues going to do? Yes, play with them... Of course! So dinky got the wheelbarrow and almost knocked over some of the mums, when I grabbed it from her, she got the go kart and started riding it around the playground. I managed to get her to stop by getting her hulk mask out of my bag. So instead of playing with the toys she went round growling at everyone and shouting "HULK SMASH!!!" all the other parents thought she was funny. Then dinky's grandma phoned to wish her a good day! Which was a first!
Then the school doors opened. I managed to get her in and put her bag away. Then she ran back out again. So between myself and miss C the TA we got her back inside. She put her name up, got her phonics book and chose a seat. She did her letters 'ai' ok to begin with but soon got bored. She then went to the toilet, which normally means camping out in the story/creative area outside the classroom and the deputy's office. The deputy head brought her back into class and asked her to say goodbye to me so they could do a special job. Dinky looked unsure for a few seconds, hesitated and said "ok. Bye mummy I love you!". That was my cue! I grabbed her phonics book, gave it to Mrs. N and told her that dinky was happy with Ms. W so I was going to go before she changed her mind. The teacher was relieved and said "go, go, have a nice day!" so I went quick.
I got home and the postman arrived just as I did, a letter from the hospital. My ultrasound and biopsy is for next tuesday. The downside to isolating yourself... appointments that are for after school. Urghh. I tried to rearrange but the woman said that it has to be afternoons because the consultant doesn't work mornings and it has to be done while he is around. What kind of consultant doesn't work mornings? (obviously a breast specialist!)
So now I have to find someone willing to have dinky for a couple of hours. I do have two sort of friends. But both of them work, one will definitely be working the other won't find out until Thursday. I might contact the childminder, if she can't look after dinky she might be able to recommend a childminder that can. So that is another thing I have to sort out.
I text the play therapist to ask if she was free for a quick chat about dinky. She said I could pop down at 2.30pm.
In the meantime I got the glue, stickers and glitter out to decorate a box for her new (secondhand) DS to go in for special time.
So I went to the school and waited for the play therapist...
PT: so what can I do for you?
Me: I was just wondering if there is anything you can suggest I do at home with dinky and also to ask how you think she is doing here.
PT: ok, I'm no expert in what you could do at home I'm a play expert. In her play she seems stuck in that 3 year old stage rather than almost 5. What are the problems you face at home and how have you tried to resolve it?
Me: Well, dinky doesn't like change to her routine, she like to know exactly what is going on. So I have drawn some pictures with times to give her an idea of what the day is like. The routine varies too much at the weekend to have separate pictures for the weekend. So she keeps asking when lunch is. Also she asks for programmes that are weekdays only, then can get really aggressive, and throws toddler tantrums.
PT: what do you do when she physically attacks you?
Me: it depends on what she is doing. If its the head butting and the punching or kicking then I push her away until she has calmed down enough for a cuddle, because she normally cries afterwards. If she is full out frenzy attack, then I have to restrain her. Which is not easy especially in public. She knows the biggest way to get me to let go when we are out is to say I'm hurting her. She knows I get upset by it because she knows I wouldn't hurt her. I'm just holding her. It's difficult.
PT: hmm, she has got it sussed, terrible two type tantrum with partial 4 year old reasoning...routine is good though, It offers her stability. That is what she needs... She needs stability more than anything. In her play she seems very insecure, last week it was the moving out of the house and this week it has been having no where to live. It is a really big thing for her.
Me: I didn't realise she Understood we had nowhere to live. I didn't realise she understood what was going on.
PT: the play comes from the subconscious so I doubt she does really know that you had nowhere to go. She might have heard it once and kept it inside. I have said it before, for the situation you are both in you are both doing brilliantly. You both have this ability to shrug it off on the outside, but hold it all inside. You have had more practice than dinky so she still has trouble keeping it all in which is part of her behaviour issues. She needs to let it out, which she is now doing here. I think you are doing all you possibly can in what are very difficult and trying circumstances. I have grown up kids and even when they were that age I would have gone crazy if we were in that situation. I don't know how you do it, and still get her to school everyday, and on time.
Me: it kind of helps if you are a little crazy to begin with!
PT: haha, maybe you are right, maybe it does help...
Me: possibly.
PT: I will dig out some really good books on dealing with challenging behaviour, the problem is in your circumstances, stuck in one room, there isn't much, you are doing more than I would have thought of already. What do you do once you calm her down?
Me: I take 2 of her toys or 2 films, her choice. But my dad was given a DS and yesterday she had her first special time. I give her 10 minutes. If she is naughty she loses a minute. If she does something really good she earns a minute. She can't play the DS at any other time than special time. I decorated a special box for it today which is why I have odd bits of red glitter on me.
PT: that's a fantastic idea. Let me know how that one goes!
Me: I will. Ok, well I have to go because I have to get dinky. Otherwise we will have a meltdown on our hands.
PT: just quickly, are you still seeing your nurse?
Me: no I'm kind of between nurses so to speak.
PT: oh, ok, any word on when you will get someone new?
Me: not yet.
PT: leave it with me. I have their number. I'll see if I can push them along a little bit. You are both doing ok. You just both need a little support right now, which is ok. She is quite like you. Laughs off the hard things in life. She is adorable and I wish I could see her everyday.
I will get the books and get dinky's teacher to put them in her bookbag.
Me: thanks S. it was nice to catch up. Thank you for your time.
PT: anytime, and I genuinely mean that!
Get around the corner..
"MUMMY!!!"
We get home, have a lovely meal of sausage and chips (I try to treat her on play therapy days), and then she had a film followed by reading practice and then special time. She loves the DS!
And now I'm writing this in the dark in silence while she wriggles and twists and turns. My daughter is amazing! (and obviously she is the cutie!)
Then the school doors opened. I managed to get her in and put her bag away. Then she ran back out again. So between myself and miss C the TA we got her back inside. She put her name up, got her phonics book and chose a seat. She did her letters 'ai' ok to begin with but soon got bored. She then went to the toilet, which normally means camping out in the story/creative area outside the classroom and the deputy's office. The deputy head brought her back into class and asked her to say goodbye to me so they could do a special job. Dinky looked unsure for a few seconds, hesitated and said "ok. Bye mummy I love you!". That was my cue! I grabbed her phonics book, gave it to Mrs. N and told her that dinky was happy with Ms. W so I was going to go before she changed her mind. The teacher was relieved and said "go, go, have a nice day!" so I went quick.
I got home and the postman arrived just as I did, a letter from the hospital. My ultrasound and biopsy is for next tuesday. The downside to isolating yourself... appointments that are for after school. Urghh. I tried to rearrange but the woman said that it has to be afternoons because the consultant doesn't work mornings and it has to be done while he is around. What kind of consultant doesn't work mornings? (obviously a breast specialist!)
So now I have to find someone willing to have dinky for a couple of hours. I do have two sort of friends. But both of them work, one will definitely be working the other won't find out until Thursday. I might contact the childminder, if she can't look after dinky she might be able to recommend a childminder that can. So that is another thing I have to sort out.
I text the play therapist to ask if she was free for a quick chat about dinky. She said I could pop down at 2.30pm.
In the meantime I got the glue, stickers and glitter out to decorate a box for her new (secondhand) DS to go in for special time.
So I went to the school and waited for the play therapist...
PT: so what can I do for you?
Me: I was just wondering if there is anything you can suggest I do at home with dinky and also to ask how you think she is doing here.
PT: ok, I'm no expert in what you could do at home I'm a play expert. In her play she seems stuck in that 3 year old stage rather than almost 5. What are the problems you face at home and how have you tried to resolve it?
Me: Well, dinky doesn't like change to her routine, she like to know exactly what is going on. So I have drawn some pictures with times to give her an idea of what the day is like. The routine varies too much at the weekend to have separate pictures for the weekend. So she keeps asking when lunch is. Also she asks for programmes that are weekdays only, then can get really aggressive, and throws toddler tantrums.
PT: what do you do when she physically attacks you?
Me: it depends on what she is doing. If its the head butting and the punching or kicking then I push her away until she has calmed down enough for a cuddle, because she normally cries afterwards. If she is full out frenzy attack, then I have to restrain her. Which is not easy especially in public. She knows the biggest way to get me to let go when we are out is to say I'm hurting her. She knows I get upset by it because she knows I wouldn't hurt her. I'm just holding her. It's difficult.
PT: hmm, she has got it sussed, terrible two type tantrum with partial 4 year old reasoning...routine is good though, It offers her stability. That is what she needs... She needs stability more than anything. In her play she seems very insecure, last week it was the moving out of the house and this week it has been having no where to live. It is a really big thing for her.
Me: I didn't realise she Understood we had nowhere to live. I didn't realise she understood what was going on.
PT: the play comes from the subconscious so I doubt she does really know that you had nowhere to go. She might have heard it once and kept it inside. I have said it before, for the situation you are both in you are both doing brilliantly. You both have this ability to shrug it off on the outside, but hold it all inside. You have had more practice than dinky so she still has trouble keeping it all in which is part of her behaviour issues. She needs to let it out, which she is now doing here. I think you are doing all you possibly can in what are very difficult and trying circumstances. I have grown up kids and even when they were that age I would have gone crazy if we were in that situation. I don't know how you do it, and still get her to school everyday, and on time.
Me: it kind of helps if you are a little crazy to begin with!
PT: haha, maybe you are right, maybe it does help...
Me: possibly.
PT: I will dig out some really good books on dealing with challenging behaviour, the problem is in your circumstances, stuck in one room, there isn't much, you are doing more than I would have thought of already. What do you do once you calm her down?
Me: I take 2 of her toys or 2 films, her choice. But my dad was given a DS and yesterday she had her first special time. I give her 10 minutes. If she is naughty she loses a minute. If she does something really good she earns a minute. She can't play the DS at any other time than special time. I decorated a special box for it today which is why I have odd bits of red glitter on me.
PT: that's a fantastic idea. Let me know how that one goes!
Me: I will. Ok, well I have to go because I have to get dinky. Otherwise we will have a meltdown on our hands.
PT: just quickly, are you still seeing your nurse?
Me: no I'm kind of between nurses so to speak.
PT: oh, ok, any word on when you will get someone new?
Me: not yet.
PT: leave it with me. I have their number. I'll see if I can push them along a little bit. You are both doing ok. You just both need a little support right now, which is ok. She is quite like you. Laughs off the hard things in life. She is adorable and I wish I could see her everyday.
I will get the books and get dinky's teacher to put them in her bookbag.
Me: thanks S. it was nice to catch up. Thank you for your time.
PT: anytime, and I genuinely mean that!
Get around the corner..
"MUMMY!!!"
We get home, have a lovely meal of sausage and chips (I try to treat her on play therapy days), and then she had a film followed by reading practice and then special time. She loves the DS!
And now I'm writing this in the dark in silence while she wriggles and twists and turns. My daughter is amazing! (and obviously she is the cutie!)
Monday 14 January 2013
Dinky is on the SEN register for behavioural difficulties...
If thursday last week was a nightmare, today was hell!
Dinky got dressed ok, had breakfast ok, brushed her teeth ok.
She refused to listen to me when I asked her to hold my hand to cross the road. She was a little boisterous on the bus when a kid in the year above got on in town, and fell over on the way into school. So as soon as we got in we had to get her cleaned up and change her trousers. We waited for Mrs. B to hand over the antibiotics. Mrs. W the deputy head asked if she could have a quick word after I left dinky in the classroom. We handed over the medicine, and went round to the class. As soon as she had her coat and bag off she began to kick off.
"I can't do my letters, I don't know how!" She shouted, and ran out of the classroom. I had to chase her and stop her leaving the early years part of the building. She refused to go back into the classroom. Miss C came out and dinky did not want to listen so she went to get Mrs. N the class teacher. By the time Mrs. N came out dinky had run into the toilets. I coaxed her out and managed to get her into the classroom. We got her phonics book out and she found a seat. She refused to do the letters (which were ng) she did the n ok, but messed about doing the g. Then when mrs. N came over dinky decided to just do m's all over the page. Then she went under the table.
Mrs. N: dinky, why are you under the table?
Dinky: I don't want my my mummy to go home.
Mrs. N: but dinky, all the mummies and daddies have to go home.
Dinky: fine, I want to go home with Mummy then!
Mrs N: no, you can't go home, you have to be in school.
Dinky: NO! I DON'T WANT TO STAY WITHOUT MUMMY!
And off she went. I went after her and found her hiding in the library. Mrs B the school nurse came out, she managed to get dinky to come with me to the deputy head's office because she likes the deputy head's bracelets. The deputy head tried to get dinky into her classroom but she held onto my leg and wouldn't let go. Another 5 minutes went by with both mrs B and the deputy head trying to prise dinky off me. A brainwave got dinky off me, she was allowed to pick a teddy from the library area to take into class.
So at 9.15 dinky was in class. Finally.
I sat down in the deputy head's office and we both breathed a sigh of relief.
Dinky has now been put on the SEN register for behavioural problems. So she is now classed as a special needs child. She said she wanted to talk to me because they think dinky needs to have a risk assessment done so that all the teachers are aware of what to do if dinky runs off, but also to make them aware of the fact that they could end up being hurt if dinky becomes aggressive and violent. The plan is especially important for 8.30-9am and 2.30-2.50pm when the gates are open.
I asked if we could put something into place when for when I leave after phonics, as it is very difficult for me to leave without someone to hand her off to so I know she is safe, especially after Monday when she ran after me after the doors were closed. I had to take her back and none of the teachers knew she had gone. So dinky's favourite TA is going to be asked to meet me at 8.40am after we've finished the phonics to take dinky to do a special job (probably to go and get the milk cartons or to go get her sticker for going into school wearing her school shoes).
We discussed the CAF. It will be just the three of them and me. Which is fine. The outcome should be a CAF meeting with CAMHS, and other services. There will be the possibility of a TAC (team around the child) forming.
Also because of dinky's new status as 'special needs' there are a few places I might be able to take dinky. She might not be eligible for it because all she has noted (at the moment) are behavioural issues. Nothing has been mentioned about her emotional problems but I will have to make that clear during the CAF.
I will have to go back in and sign the risk assessment at some point this week. Hopefully the TA will be there tomorrow to take dinky so she is safe. Although there shouldn't be too much of an issue as she has play therapy tomorrow so will be much happier to go in.
Dinky got dressed ok, had breakfast ok, brushed her teeth ok.
She refused to listen to me when I asked her to hold my hand to cross the road. She was a little boisterous on the bus when a kid in the year above got on in town, and fell over on the way into school. So as soon as we got in we had to get her cleaned up and change her trousers. We waited for Mrs. B to hand over the antibiotics. Mrs. W the deputy head asked if she could have a quick word after I left dinky in the classroom. We handed over the medicine, and went round to the class. As soon as she had her coat and bag off she began to kick off.
"I can't do my letters, I don't know how!" She shouted, and ran out of the classroom. I had to chase her and stop her leaving the early years part of the building. She refused to go back into the classroom. Miss C came out and dinky did not want to listen so she went to get Mrs. N the class teacher. By the time Mrs. N came out dinky had run into the toilets. I coaxed her out and managed to get her into the classroom. We got her phonics book out and she found a seat. She refused to do the letters (which were ng) she did the n ok, but messed about doing the g. Then when mrs. N came over dinky decided to just do m's all over the page. Then she went under the table.
Mrs. N: dinky, why are you under the table?
Dinky: I don't want my my mummy to go home.
Mrs. N: but dinky, all the mummies and daddies have to go home.
Dinky: fine, I want to go home with Mummy then!
Mrs N: no, you can't go home, you have to be in school.
Dinky: NO! I DON'T WANT TO STAY WITHOUT MUMMY!
And off she went. I went after her and found her hiding in the library. Mrs B the school nurse came out, she managed to get dinky to come with me to the deputy head's office because she likes the deputy head's bracelets. The deputy head tried to get dinky into her classroom but she held onto my leg and wouldn't let go. Another 5 minutes went by with both mrs B and the deputy head trying to prise dinky off me. A brainwave got dinky off me, she was allowed to pick a teddy from the library area to take into class.
So at 9.15 dinky was in class. Finally.
I sat down in the deputy head's office and we both breathed a sigh of relief.
Dinky has now been put on the SEN register for behavioural problems. So she is now classed as a special needs child. She said she wanted to talk to me because they think dinky needs to have a risk assessment done so that all the teachers are aware of what to do if dinky runs off, but also to make them aware of the fact that they could end up being hurt if dinky becomes aggressive and violent. The plan is especially important for 8.30-9am and 2.30-2.50pm when the gates are open.
I asked if we could put something into place when for when I leave after phonics, as it is very difficult for me to leave without someone to hand her off to so I know she is safe, especially after Monday when she ran after me after the doors were closed. I had to take her back and none of the teachers knew she had gone. So dinky's favourite TA is going to be asked to meet me at 8.40am after we've finished the phonics to take dinky to do a special job (probably to go and get the milk cartons or to go get her sticker for going into school wearing her school shoes).
We discussed the CAF. It will be just the three of them and me. Which is fine. The outcome should be a CAF meeting with CAMHS, and other services. There will be the possibility of a TAC (team around the child) forming.
Also because of dinky's new status as 'special needs' there are a few places I might be able to take dinky. She might not be eligible for it because all she has noted (at the moment) are behavioural issues. Nothing has been mentioned about her emotional problems but I will have to make that clear during the CAF.
I will have to go back in and sign the risk assessment at some point this week. Hopefully the TA will be there tomorrow to take dinky so she is safe. Although there shouldn't be too much of an issue as she has play therapy tomorrow so will be much happier to go in.
Sunday 13 January 2013
This weeks reflection and planning for next week and CAF
Sunday is my day to reflect on the week and work out the plan for next week.
The problem is I'm still waiting for lots of things so I will have to play it by ear mostly.
Reflections on last week...
Well,
Monday was the breast clinic appointment, and Dinky went to school after having 2 weeks off.
Tuesday, met the mind advocate, and Dinky ended up at the urgent treatment centre.
Wednesday, I signed the letter for CMHT, spoke to S too.
Thursday, dinky had a hard day at school
Friday, I found out about the school's decision to hold a CAF meeting for dinky, spoke to the play therapist and with dinky's teacher after school for 10 minutes.
Saturday, my dad came up, dinky was playing with the older kids that only stay here Friday night.
So it's been an odd sort of week.
Dinky's hand is so much better now. They put this special gauze on her hand which promotes healing and gave me the rest of the sheet. I think it has done wonders.
I'm glad the stuff with S is sorted. The breast clinic I'd rather forget about, and the CAF I can't stop thinking about.
Plans for next week...
Monday= Bidding day, if any actionable post comes, action it. Also text the play therapist and ask to arrange a chat about dinky and what I can do to help and ask if she is coming to the CAF meeting. Speak to deputy head to find out more about the CAF meeting
Tuesday, see the play therapist if she is available, check post action anything if it comes.
Wednesday, nothing planned (check post)
Thursday nothing planned (check post)
Friday, blood donation
Saturday, dad is coming up
I spent much of today thinking about the CAF meeting and what it entails. I looked on the local county council website. Basically both the school and I answer loads of questions on the following...
DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHILD
• Section A - Health
• Section B - Emotional and Social Development
• Section C - Behavioural Development
• Section D - Identity - including Self Esteem, Self Image & Social Presentation
• Section E - Family & Social Relationships
• Section F - Self Care Skills & Independence
• Section G - Learning
PARENT(S)
• Section A - Basic Care & Ensuring Safety
• Section B - Emotional Warmth & Stability
• Section C - Guidance, Boundaries and Stimulation
FAMILY & ENVIRONMENTAL
• Section A - Family History, Functioning & Well-being
• Section B - Wider Family
• Section C - Housing, employment and financial considerations
• Section D - Social & Community Factors & Resources
So far I know that the head teacher, deputy head, dinky's class teacher and myself are going to be there. I will ask the deputy head tomorrow if anyone else is attending this meeting.
Just with the three of them there I can see it being difficult. Especially when it gets to parent(s) and family & environmental, we all already know dinky's development stuff.
These are some of the questions to consider in the CAF.. This entry would be too long if I listed all the yes and no answers.... So these are the no and nearly no's and really positive yes answers
PARENT(S)
• Set up and maintain a household and its essential furniture.... HMM, I can do it but don't have it.
• Keep house clean and tidy...... YES AND ISH... My place is always clean but not always tidy
• Protects from unsafe adults... YES, which is why she doesn't see my mother
• Feels mentally well... NOT SO MUCH
• Avoids illegal substances...MOSTLY, I have occasionally smoked cannabis but not often or a lot
Section B
Emotional Warmth & Stability
• Live at the same address for a reasonable length of time... NO, dinky has lived in 5 places in 4 years.
• There is a consistent parent... YES...ME
• Contact is maintained with important family members...YES, I try to make sure it is it's everyone else who doesn't keep up with it
Section C
Guidance, Boundaries and Stimulation
• Manage the behaviour of the child ... NOT ALWAYS
• Want the best for the child... MOST DEFINITELY
FAMILY AND ENVIRONMENTAL
Section A
Family History, Functioning & Well-being
The impact of family situations and experiences
(I just hope they don't want my childhood history)
My dad is physically and mentally fine
Dinky's grandma is in remission from bowel cancer and is recovering still from a nasty break in her leg but is mentally stable
Section B Wider Family
Whether there is an appropriate level of help for the child, young person or parent(s) / carer(s) from relatives and others
• Family has positive relationship with their extended family... NO
• Family has positive relationship with others in the neighbourhood...NO
• Family receives appropriate support from their family...NOT REALLY. My dad sort of... No one else can be bothered.
• Family receives appropriate support from others in the neighbourhood...NO
Section C
Housing, employment and financial considerations
Housing
Whether the accommodation has everything needed for living healthily and safely
• Lives in a house that is big enough.... NO
• Accommodation is weather and water tight...YES
• Accommodation has water, heating, cooking, toilet and bathing facilities...YES
• Accommodation is clean, hygienic and safe... MOSTLY
• Accommodation is not shared with another family/household... NO
Employment
• Parent has regular employment ... NO
• If unemployed are actively seeking employment... YES
Section D
Social & Community Factors & Resources
Explores the wider context of child's neighbourhood and its impact on the child, including details of facilities and services available
• Lives in an area that has good transport links... MOSTLY
• Lives in an area that has good age appropriate facilities i.e. youth clubs and sports facilities..YES
• Lives in an area that has easy access to schools and shops... NO, well not to dinky's school, and it's a pain in the backside to go to the shops. Especially seeing as the road from the hostel has no pavements and it is always a battle if dinky plays up to feel she is safe of that road.
hopefully it won't be too bad. I just have to make sure I know who is going to be there so there is no shock on the day. It would help if the play therapist is there because she has already asked me all my history. It would certainly make it easier.
The problem is I'm still waiting for lots of things so I will have to play it by ear mostly.
Reflections on last week...
Well,
Monday was the breast clinic appointment, and Dinky went to school after having 2 weeks off.
Tuesday, met the mind advocate, and Dinky ended up at the urgent treatment centre.
Wednesday, I signed the letter for CMHT, spoke to S too.
Thursday, dinky had a hard day at school
Friday, I found out about the school's decision to hold a CAF meeting for dinky, spoke to the play therapist and with dinky's teacher after school for 10 minutes.
Saturday, my dad came up, dinky was playing with the older kids that only stay here Friday night.
So it's been an odd sort of week.
Dinky's hand is so much better now. They put this special gauze on her hand which promotes healing and gave me the rest of the sheet. I think it has done wonders.
I'm glad the stuff with S is sorted. The breast clinic I'd rather forget about, and the CAF I can't stop thinking about.
Plans for next week...
Monday= Bidding day, if any actionable post comes, action it. Also text the play therapist and ask to arrange a chat about dinky and what I can do to help and ask if she is coming to the CAF meeting. Speak to deputy head to find out more about the CAF meeting
Tuesday, see the play therapist if she is available, check post action anything if it comes.
Wednesday, nothing planned (check post)
Thursday nothing planned (check post)
Friday, blood donation
Saturday, dad is coming up
I spent much of today thinking about the CAF meeting and what it entails. I looked on the local county council website. Basically both the school and I answer loads of questions on the following...
DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHILD
• Section A - Health
• Section B - Emotional and Social Development
• Section C - Behavioural Development
• Section D - Identity - including Self Esteem, Self Image & Social Presentation
• Section E - Family & Social Relationships
• Section F - Self Care Skills & Independence
• Section G - Learning
PARENT(S)
• Section A - Basic Care & Ensuring Safety
• Section B - Emotional Warmth & Stability
• Section C - Guidance, Boundaries and Stimulation
FAMILY & ENVIRONMENTAL
• Section A - Family History, Functioning & Well-being
• Section B - Wider Family
• Section C - Housing, employment and financial considerations
• Section D - Social & Community Factors & Resources
So far I know that the head teacher, deputy head, dinky's class teacher and myself are going to be there. I will ask the deputy head tomorrow if anyone else is attending this meeting.
Just with the three of them there I can see it being difficult. Especially when it gets to parent(s) and family & environmental, we all already know dinky's development stuff.
These are some of the questions to consider in the CAF.. This entry would be too long if I listed all the yes and no answers.... So these are the no and nearly no's and really positive yes answers
PARENT(S)
• Set up and maintain a household and its essential furniture.... HMM, I can do it but don't have it.
• Keep house clean and tidy...... YES AND ISH... My place is always clean but not always tidy
• Protects from unsafe adults... YES, which is why she doesn't see my mother
• Feels mentally well... NOT SO MUCH
• Avoids illegal substances...MOSTLY, I have occasionally smoked cannabis but not often or a lot
Section B
Emotional Warmth & Stability
• Live at the same address for a reasonable length of time... NO, dinky has lived in 5 places in 4 years.
• There is a consistent parent... YES...ME
• Contact is maintained with important family members...YES, I try to make sure it is it's everyone else who doesn't keep up with it
Section C
Guidance, Boundaries and Stimulation
• Manage the behaviour of the child ... NOT ALWAYS
• Want the best for the child... MOST DEFINITELY
FAMILY AND ENVIRONMENTAL
Section A
Family History, Functioning & Well-being
The impact of family situations and experiences
(I just hope they don't want my childhood history)
My dad is physically and mentally fine
Dinky's grandma is in remission from bowel cancer and is recovering still from a nasty break in her leg but is mentally stable
Section B Wider Family
Whether there is an appropriate level of help for the child, young person or parent(s) / carer(s) from relatives and others
• Family has positive relationship with their extended family... NO
• Family has positive relationship with others in the neighbourhood...NO
• Family receives appropriate support from their family...NOT REALLY. My dad sort of... No one else can be bothered.
• Family receives appropriate support from others in the neighbourhood...NO
Section C
Housing, employment and financial considerations
Housing
Whether the accommodation has everything needed for living healthily and safely
• Lives in a house that is big enough.... NO
• Accommodation is weather and water tight...YES
• Accommodation has water, heating, cooking, toilet and bathing facilities...YES
• Accommodation is clean, hygienic and safe... MOSTLY
• Accommodation is not shared with another family/household... NO
Employment
• Parent has regular employment ... NO
• If unemployed are actively seeking employment... YES
Section D
Social & Community Factors & Resources
Explores the wider context of child's neighbourhood and its impact on the child, including details of facilities and services available
• Lives in an area that has good transport links... MOSTLY
• Lives in an area that has good age appropriate facilities i.e. youth clubs and sports facilities..YES
• Lives in an area that has easy access to schools and shops... NO, well not to dinky's school, and it's a pain in the backside to go to the shops. Especially seeing as the road from the hostel has no pavements and it is always a battle if dinky plays up to feel she is safe of that road.
hopefully it won't be too bad. I just have to make sure I know who is going to be there so there is no shock on the day. It would help if the play therapist is there because she has already asked me all my history. It would certainly make it easier.
Saturday 12 January 2013
Here in the hostel
Now, I have lived in three temporary accommodation places.
There was the foyer. That was a big building with flats upstairs with 4 rooms a shower, toilet and kitchen, and downstairs were beds it's and one bedroom flats. We had a security guard at night, and key workers 9-5 as it was a place for homeless 16-25 year olds. I went in there when I was 18. There were fights, parties, a wrecked common area, and quite a bit of drink and drugs. I spent two years there. I came to be respected by all the residents and staff, I had a lot of the more popular gang in my room most evenings especially when I was on move on and had one of the downstairs bedsits, but I quite liked it there.
There was the B&B. It wasn't a bed and breakfast as you would think. Double security front door, cameras everywhere but the bathrooms and bedrooms, a communal living room, a communal kitchen and a garden. The breakfast was a carton of fruit juice and 2 pints of milk once a week and bread, tea, coffee, sugar and cornflakes in the kitchen. The support workers would come in around 10am and check the cameras from the previous 24 hours, even though someone watched the cameras pretty much 24/7 anyway, but just in case they missed something they would check. It was dinky and me, a 46 year old bloke, a 22 year old who was under mental health for being severely anorexic, a 17 year old who had her son removed by social services, an 19 year old who had just been released from prison for ABH, an 18 year old who, as soon as his money came in spent it on weed, and finally, after a couple of weeks a 20 year old came who also had her child removed from her by social services. Sounds grim right? Actually I'm not one to judge. The 19 year old who just got released from prison was a really nice lad who had a heart of gold, myself and the 22 year old got on really well, the two who lost their children were nice enough but struggled a lot with the fact I had dinky with me, the 18 year old just needed a role model, someone to look up to and give him a sense of direction in his life, the 46 year old, well he was a law unto himself and made most people very uncomfortable. Both dinky and I quite liked it there, everyone was considerate of dinky's bedtime, they all joined in dinky's games, and when she was asleep we all chatted away in the communal living area.
Then we were moved out of the B&B into this family hostel. Out of all 3 places this is actually the worst place! The woman downstairs has 2 kids, a 3 year old and a 3 month old. She is playing the system and everyone knows it. She also keeps dinky up for hours with her non stop phone calls in rather loud punjabi. The punjabi doesn't bother me, it's the fact I have asked her time and time again if she could possibly keep the noise down from 6-7pm just so my daughter can get off to sleep. Which is doubly important as she feels the need to scream at her children at 4.30-5am and wake dinky. I'm pretty sure I'm the only parent with a concept of routine as the other children all aged between 18 months and 3 are screaming, shouting and running around all evening some of them right up until midnight. Last night an 18 month old and 19 month old were running about outside my room at 1 am. So it seems not very many people in this place value sleep! Although before the woman downstairs had her 2nd child she complained to the council that my daughter woke her up at 6.30 am playing in the morning. The council laughed at her because most kids are up around that time. There is just a general lack of consideration for others in this place. Not just the fact none of them are bothered that others might be sleeping, but I've had my dinner turned off because the person didn't check if there was anything in the oven before turning the cooker off, if you aren't taking your washing out as soon as it is finished it is dumped unceremoniously on the top and then wet clothes are removed from the dryers so they can be used, not thinking to check whose washing it is or just letting the person know that their washing has finished, or even just waiting until the machines are empty. I think the worst part was being called racist by the woman downstairs because I didn't like her putting the heating up a 26 degrees.
To be honest I would much rather be back under constant surveillance with the teenagers than live here! Still, it shouldnt be too much longer, maybe around April time if the right area comes up we will be housed. I still bid every Monday, it does get a little depressing when you realise you are no where near the top of the list. Our time will come... For now, we just have to suck it up and get on with it!
There was the foyer. That was a big building with flats upstairs with 4 rooms a shower, toilet and kitchen, and downstairs were beds it's and one bedroom flats. We had a security guard at night, and key workers 9-5 as it was a place for homeless 16-25 year olds. I went in there when I was 18. There were fights, parties, a wrecked common area, and quite a bit of drink and drugs. I spent two years there. I came to be respected by all the residents and staff, I had a lot of the more popular gang in my room most evenings especially when I was on move on and had one of the downstairs bedsits, but I quite liked it there.
There was the B&B. It wasn't a bed and breakfast as you would think. Double security front door, cameras everywhere but the bathrooms and bedrooms, a communal living room, a communal kitchen and a garden. The breakfast was a carton of fruit juice and 2 pints of milk once a week and bread, tea, coffee, sugar and cornflakes in the kitchen. The support workers would come in around 10am and check the cameras from the previous 24 hours, even though someone watched the cameras pretty much 24/7 anyway, but just in case they missed something they would check. It was dinky and me, a 46 year old bloke, a 22 year old who was under mental health for being severely anorexic, a 17 year old who had her son removed by social services, an 19 year old who had just been released from prison for ABH, an 18 year old who, as soon as his money came in spent it on weed, and finally, after a couple of weeks a 20 year old came who also had her child removed from her by social services. Sounds grim right? Actually I'm not one to judge. The 19 year old who just got released from prison was a really nice lad who had a heart of gold, myself and the 22 year old got on really well, the two who lost their children were nice enough but struggled a lot with the fact I had dinky with me, the 18 year old just needed a role model, someone to look up to and give him a sense of direction in his life, the 46 year old, well he was a law unto himself and made most people very uncomfortable. Both dinky and I quite liked it there, everyone was considerate of dinky's bedtime, they all joined in dinky's games, and when she was asleep we all chatted away in the communal living area.
Then we were moved out of the B&B into this family hostel. Out of all 3 places this is actually the worst place! The woman downstairs has 2 kids, a 3 year old and a 3 month old. She is playing the system and everyone knows it. She also keeps dinky up for hours with her non stop phone calls in rather loud punjabi. The punjabi doesn't bother me, it's the fact I have asked her time and time again if she could possibly keep the noise down from 6-7pm just so my daughter can get off to sleep. Which is doubly important as she feels the need to scream at her children at 4.30-5am and wake dinky. I'm pretty sure I'm the only parent with a concept of routine as the other children all aged between 18 months and 3 are screaming, shouting and running around all evening some of them right up until midnight. Last night an 18 month old and 19 month old were running about outside my room at 1 am. So it seems not very many people in this place value sleep! Although before the woman downstairs had her 2nd child she complained to the council that my daughter woke her up at 6.30 am playing in the morning. The council laughed at her because most kids are up around that time. There is just a general lack of consideration for others in this place. Not just the fact none of them are bothered that others might be sleeping, but I've had my dinner turned off because the person didn't check if there was anything in the oven before turning the cooker off, if you aren't taking your washing out as soon as it is finished it is dumped unceremoniously on the top and then wet clothes are removed from the dryers so they can be used, not thinking to check whose washing it is or just letting the person know that their washing has finished, or even just waiting until the machines are empty. I think the worst part was being called racist by the woman downstairs because I didn't like her putting the heating up a 26 degrees.
To be honest I would much rather be back under constant surveillance with the teenagers than live here! Still, it shouldnt be too much longer, maybe around April time if the right area comes up we will be housed. I still bid every Monday, it does get a little depressing when you realise you are no where near the top of the list. Our time will come... For now, we just have to suck it up and get on with it!
Friday 11 January 2013
Deputy head and play therapist going the extra mile!
Apart from the fact I was pretty annoyed yesterday at the school for letting her get her hand wet, the school have been great today.
I got to the school at 8.20, went to the office to ask to drop dinky's antibiotics off. I got in and the school nurse wasn't there so we waited with one of the lads dinky knows. The deputy head came over to see me and dinky. She told me that she had spoken to dinky's play therapist and her class teacher and they had set a date to do a common assessment framework form (more commonly known as a CAF), the deputy head is sick of waiting for the integrated services to get their act together, so they are being proactive. It sounds quite positive, it's basically the form integrated services would do. It indicates all the issues we are facing as a family.
The teacher told me they had set it for the 25th January at 9am.
I booked dinkys party at wacky warehouse! She is going to be over the moon. I've stopped smoking for 5 days and had saved enough for the deposit for the party! So all good there.
I got home and then got a call from the play therapist.
She asked how Christmas was. I told her it wasn't great but it was the best I could do. She told me that dinky was doing really well given the circumstances. She had started playing out the move from the house we lived in with C and P. She is very angry at the whole situation.
Dinky has also said she feels like she doesn't belong anywhere. Which breaks my heart. she doesn't connect with her peers and spends more of her playtime with older kids. The play therapist says it stands to reason given that dinky has had a lot going on and therefore is mature in certain aspects and is quite bright so feels more equal to the older kids. I knew dinky spent her playtime with older kids and was a little concerned that she only wanted to invite 2 children in her year group, one from her class and one from the neighbouring class, other than that it is all year one and two students. She also commented on dinky's refusal to go into school without kicking off because I'm not there. She said I am dinky's only stability in life so she doesn't feel safe without me there. Which again is heart breaking. Dinky is also refusing to do schoolwork again, and the new TA can't get her to do anything and nor can the teacher.
She said not to get too disheartened. She says it is amazing that we are doing as well as we are given the circumstances. It really doesn't feel like it. The play therapist said she wished that she could do more to help dinky, she said if she could see her everyday she would as dinky gets really excited knowing she is going to see her. It is the only day she eats, brushes her teeth, gets dressed without any fuss. She walks nicely to the bus stop, plays on my iPhone nicely, and doesn't create complete havoc in the playground before school, just a little bit of chaos! Which is fine, she wouldn't be dinky if she didn't! She has a big smile on her face which is the biggest difference.
I'm glad she has one day where she is happy to be at school and gets so much out of it.
So 25th Jan, CAF form. And go from there!
I might have a chat with her teacher today after school, it seems that her teacher is finally taking this whole situation more seriously.
Let's see
I got to the school at 8.20, went to the office to ask to drop dinky's antibiotics off. I got in and the school nurse wasn't there so we waited with one of the lads dinky knows. The deputy head came over to see me and dinky. She told me that she had spoken to dinky's play therapist and her class teacher and they had set a date to do a common assessment framework form (more commonly known as a CAF), the deputy head is sick of waiting for the integrated services to get their act together, so they are being proactive. It sounds quite positive, it's basically the form integrated services would do. It indicates all the issues we are facing as a family.
The teacher told me they had set it for the 25th January at 9am.
I booked dinkys party at wacky warehouse! She is going to be over the moon. I've stopped smoking for 5 days and had saved enough for the deposit for the party! So all good there.
I got home and then got a call from the play therapist.
She asked how Christmas was. I told her it wasn't great but it was the best I could do. She told me that dinky was doing really well given the circumstances. She had started playing out the move from the house we lived in with C and P. She is very angry at the whole situation.
Dinky has also said she feels like she doesn't belong anywhere. Which breaks my heart. she doesn't connect with her peers and spends more of her playtime with older kids. The play therapist says it stands to reason given that dinky has had a lot going on and therefore is mature in certain aspects and is quite bright so feels more equal to the older kids. I knew dinky spent her playtime with older kids and was a little concerned that she only wanted to invite 2 children in her year group, one from her class and one from the neighbouring class, other than that it is all year one and two students. She also commented on dinky's refusal to go into school without kicking off because I'm not there. She said I am dinky's only stability in life so she doesn't feel safe without me there. Which again is heart breaking. Dinky is also refusing to do schoolwork again, and the new TA can't get her to do anything and nor can the teacher.
She said not to get too disheartened. She says it is amazing that we are doing as well as we are given the circumstances. It really doesn't feel like it. The play therapist said she wished that she could do more to help dinky, she said if she could see her everyday she would as dinky gets really excited knowing she is going to see her. It is the only day she eats, brushes her teeth, gets dressed without any fuss. She walks nicely to the bus stop, plays on my iPhone nicely, and doesn't create complete havoc in the playground before school, just a little bit of chaos! Which is fine, she wouldn't be dinky if she didn't! She has a big smile on her face which is the biggest difference.
I'm glad she has one day where she is happy to be at school and gets so much out of it.
So 25th Jan, CAF form. And go from there!
I might have a chat with her teacher today after school, it seems that her teacher is finally taking this whole situation more seriously.
Let's see
Thursday 10 January 2013
Dinky's not so good day at school...
Dinky got up for school just fine, had breakfast, brushed her teeth, got dressed, and was really excited to wear her new trainers to school. I told her she would have to change her into her school shoes once we got there. She was fine.
We got to the school and she wouldn't change her shoes. Normally it would be a big argument and she would lash out but give in eventually. I didn't want to have the big argument with her. I especially didn't want her lashing out with her hand wrapped in a bandage for school. She refused point blank to change her shoes. I told her she would have to tell Mrs. N that she was being naughty and wouldn't put her school shoes on. She said "fine I'll tell mrs. N that I want to wear my new trainers and that I don't want to wear my shoes!"
So dinky tells mrs. N just that. The teacher tried to get dinky to put her shoes on. Nope, she wasn't having any of it. I told her I would have made dinky put them on but I didn't want to battle with her this morning. The teacher seemed ok with it and said she would deal with it.
Dinky got her phonics book we were doing 'th' today. She did ok. It was harder for her with the bandage on her right hand. I reminded the teacher that dinky was not to get her hand wet.
I went to leave but dinky didn't want me to go. She grabbed hold of my leg and wouldn't let go. I bent down to her level for a hug and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I could not get her off. I tried to get miss C the TA but dinky didn't want to go with her. If mrs. H had of been there dinky would have gone with her, possibly with a little protesting. Miss. C just doesn't have the same connection with the kids. I tried to stand up but dinky's arms were wrapped tight round my neck, so I picked her up and gave her a big cuddle and a kiss. I tried to put her down but she wouldn't have any of it. She started crying and I didn't know what to do. Mrs. N was busy with another screaming child and Miss. C was getting nowhere. Miss. C told dinky that we should go see Mrs. B, the school nurse. So we went to go give her dinky's antibiotics. It took both Mrs. B and her assistant to get dinky off me and I had to walk away from my screaming child.
There is nothing more heartbreaking than walking away from your child who is screaming for you. When I got home I got a call from Mrs. B. it took a little while but they managed to calm dinky down, and she was settled in the classroom by 10am.
I was so tired I fell asleep at 11am and got up at 1pm. I went to the shops before getting to the school. I wanted to see the deputy head to find out if they had heard anything from integrated services yet, but she was busy. So I went to get dinky's medicine and waited for her to come out.
As soon as she got to me I checked her hand and it was soaking wet! One thing! I only asked them to do one thing! "please make sure dinky doesn't get her hand wet because it increases the risk of infection". It was a good thing I brought a spare dressing with me!
She had been ok, but 'very defiant and challenging'. Great.
She wasn't too bad on the way home. Very clingy, but ok. I checked the kitchen for any post, nothing. I'm hoping the integrated services come through soon.
I better get off, dinky is watching jungle book, leaning on my legs as I type. I have to do her dinner, and work out how the hell I'm going to bath her and make sure she doesn't get her hand wet. Maybe a shower?
We got to the school and she wouldn't change her shoes. Normally it would be a big argument and she would lash out but give in eventually. I didn't want to have the big argument with her. I especially didn't want her lashing out with her hand wrapped in a bandage for school. She refused point blank to change her shoes. I told her she would have to tell Mrs. N that she was being naughty and wouldn't put her school shoes on. She said "fine I'll tell mrs. N that I want to wear my new trainers and that I don't want to wear my shoes!"
So dinky tells mrs. N just that. The teacher tried to get dinky to put her shoes on. Nope, she wasn't having any of it. I told her I would have made dinky put them on but I didn't want to battle with her this morning. The teacher seemed ok with it and said she would deal with it.
Dinky got her phonics book we were doing 'th' today. She did ok. It was harder for her with the bandage on her right hand. I reminded the teacher that dinky was not to get her hand wet.
I went to leave but dinky didn't want me to go. She grabbed hold of my leg and wouldn't let go. I bent down to her level for a hug and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I could not get her off. I tried to get miss C the TA but dinky didn't want to go with her. If mrs. H had of been there dinky would have gone with her, possibly with a little protesting. Miss. C just doesn't have the same connection with the kids. I tried to stand up but dinky's arms were wrapped tight round my neck, so I picked her up and gave her a big cuddle and a kiss. I tried to put her down but she wouldn't have any of it. She started crying and I didn't know what to do. Mrs. N was busy with another screaming child and Miss. C was getting nowhere. Miss. C told dinky that we should go see Mrs. B, the school nurse. So we went to go give her dinky's antibiotics. It took both Mrs. B and her assistant to get dinky off me and I had to walk away from my screaming child.
There is nothing more heartbreaking than walking away from your child who is screaming for you. When I got home I got a call from Mrs. B. it took a little while but they managed to calm dinky down, and she was settled in the classroom by 10am.
I was so tired I fell asleep at 11am and got up at 1pm. I went to the shops before getting to the school. I wanted to see the deputy head to find out if they had heard anything from integrated services yet, but she was busy. So I went to get dinky's medicine and waited for her to come out.
As soon as she got to me I checked her hand and it was soaking wet! One thing! I only asked them to do one thing! "please make sure dinky doesn't get her hand wet because it increases the risk of infection". It was a good thing I brought a spare dressing with me!
She had been ok, but 'very defiant and challenging'. Great.
She wasn't too bad on the way home. Very clingy, but ok. I checked the kitchen for any post, nothing. I'm hoping the integrated services come through soon.
I better get off, dinky is watching jungle book, leaning on my legs as I type. I have to do her dinner, and work out how the hell I'm going to bath her and make sure she doesn't get her hand wet. Maybe a shower?
Wednesday 9 January 2013
Awkward and uncomfortable situation NOT avoided...
Dinky wanted to go to school, so she did.
I got home and waited for the mind advocate to drop by with the letter requesting a change in nurses. My phone rang, I forgot to save her number but the first 5 numbers were the same as hers so I picked up.
"hi, is this *****? This is S from CMHT."
Shit! I was so not in the mood to talk to her! I was irritable, and annoyed that she had already spoken to the mind advocate and still decided to contact me.
I think S might have some self esteem issues of her own! She asked me how I was and I said 'fine' and she said I seemed off with her. I wasn't showing that I was annoyed by her in the beginning of her conversation but in that moment I started to get annoyed with her. I just am not 100% at the moment. I said " ok maybe I'm not fine, but I will be." she repeated it and asked if I wanted to talk about it. "no not really" she asked how my Christmas was. I did get a little short with her, "crap, I was in a hostel with my kid." she asked if dinky liked her space toys. This just shows she wasn't bloody listening. Yes dinky is still into space but she already has a ton of space toys and wanted avengers and jake and the Neverland pirate toys. I just said yes. It's easier than explaining that she was wrong. I understand she has lots of people to see and can't remember everyones little bits and pieces but you'd think she would make accurate notes and have them in front of her when making that call. Maybe not! She asked if I wanted to make another appointment with her. I said not right now. This is where it gets awkward and I get bloody annoyed and have to act civilly and hold my tongue.
S: well. It is ok if you don't want to see me anymore, I can discharge you back to your GP. Or I can keep your case one with me and you can make an appointment when you feel ready.
In my head: so those are my only fucking choices? See you or go back to my GP? What about... If you don't want to see me I can get someone else to see you if you feel like you still need the support of CMHT.
While I was thinking there was a small silence
S: it is up to you, I am governed by you, if you don't feel like you are getting anything out of seeing me then I can always make recommendations to your GP maybe get you going back to the short term counselling service. Or I can leave your case open with me. What would you like to do?
Well, if she shut the case then, I wouldn't be able to change nurses, so I had to keep my case open.
Me: can you keep the case open please.
S: keep the case open?
Me: yes please.
it was so hard to sound pleasant)
S: hmm, ok, let me know if you feel like making an appointment to see me.
End of call.
Seriously! She makes out my only option is to see her or go back to my GP. Like changing isn't an option. Sometimes it feels like she just wants me to say 'yeah, just send me back to the GP', that way she wouldn't have to deal with me.
Another thing I didn't pick up on until now... She said I'm 'not mentally strong enough for counselling', yet said she would Make recommendations for me to go back to short term counselling. She contradicts herself so much. Muppet!
When the mind advocate came over I told her about the conversation. Apparently S had tried to coax info out of her too as to why I cancelled the appointment. After I told her about what I thought of the call she said it probably was best I didn't go this morning otherwise her wordings might have sparked a argument, one that I would pay the price for.
So the letter had been sent, I should hear back next week some time about changing nurses. Which will be a step in the right direction.
Why is it always so much hassle?
I got home and waited for the mind advocate to drop by with the letter requesting a change in nurses. My phone rang, I forgot to save her number but the first 5 numbers were the same as hers so I picked up.
"hi, is this *****? This is S from CMHT."
Shit! I was so not in the mood to talk to her! I was irritable, and annoyed that she had already spoken to the mind advocate and still decided to contact me.
I think S might have some self esteem issues of her own! She asked me how I was and I said 'fine' and she said I seemed off with her. I wasn't showing that I was annoyed by her in the beginning of her conversation but in that moment I started to get annoyed with her. I just am not 100% at the moment. I said " ok maybe I'm not fine, but I will be." she repeated it and asked if I wanted to talk about it. "no not really" she asked how my Christmas was. I did get a little short with her, "crap, I was in a hostel with my kid." she asked if dinky liked her space toys. This just shows she wasn't bloody listening. Yes dinky is still into space but she already has a ton of space toys and wanted avengers and jake and the Neverland pirate toys. I just said yes. It's easier than explaining that she was wrong. I understand she has lots of people to see and can't remember everyones little bits and pieces but you'd think she would make accurate notes and have them in front of her when making that call. Maybe not! She asked if I wanted to make another appointment with her. I said not right now. This is where it gets awkward and I get bloody annoyed and have to act civilly and hold my tongue.
S: well. It is ok if you don't want to see me anymore, I can discharge you back to your GP. Or I can keep your case one with me and you can make an appointment when you feel ready.
In my head: so those are my only fucking choices? See you or go back to my GP? What about... If you don't want to see me I can get someone else to see you if you feel like you still need the support of CMHT.
While I was thinking there was a small silence
S: it is up to you, I am governed by you, if you don't feel like you are getting anything out of seeing me then I can always make recommendations to your GP maybe get you going back to the short term counselling service. Or I can leave your case open with me. What would you like to do?
Well, if she shut the case then, I wouldn't be able to change nurses, so I had to keep my case open.
Me: can you keep the case open please.
S: keep the case open?
Me: yes please.
it was so hard to sound pleasant)
S: hmm, ok, let me know if you feel like making an appointment to see me.
End of call.
Seriously! She makes out my only option is to see her or go back to my GP. Like changing isn't an option. Sometimes it feels like she just wants me to say 'yeah, just send me back to the GP', that way she wouldn't have to deal with me.
Another thing I didn't pick up on until now... She said I'm 'not mentally strong enough for counselling', yet said she would Make recommendations for me to go back to short term counselling. She contradicts herself so much. Muppet!
When the mind advocate came over I told her about the conversation. Apparently S had tried to coax info out of her too as to why I cancelled the appointment. After I told her about what I thought of the call she said it probably was best I didn't go this morning otherwise her wordings might have sparked a argument, one that I would pay the price for.
So the letter had been sent, I should hear back next week some time about changing nurses. Which will be a step in the right direction.
Why is it always so much hassle?
Tuesday 8 January 2013
Mind advocate, changing mental health nurse, and dinky goes to hospital... All in a days work!
Today was one of those days!
So dinky was up at 4.30am courtesy of our noisy neighbour downstairs. She was dressed and breakfasted at 6.30am. Got to school at 8.20, did the phonics and off I went.
I got a phone call from B again telling me what I ought to do while I apply for jobs, so much so my new response to her when she goes off on one "ah huh, yep, good idea, yeah I will look into it" and repeat!
Got home, tidied up and cleaned the floor, waited for the mind advocate to discuss my issues with the mental health nurse. She was really nice and she asked me to go through our appointments chronologically and tell her any little comments or anything that made me uncomfortable and we would discard anything that we agree is not really a big issue. When I told her some of the stuff S had said S was very inappropriate and I had every right to feel aggrieved. I told her how she can be very contradictory in what she says, I gave 3 examples, apparently there is no wonder I get confused by the mixed messages. The advocate asked me about my care plan. My response "what care plan?", according to he the advocate I'm supposed to be involved in my care and treatment. That's a laugh!
She ran through the options. I could:
Talk to her in the appointment for tomorrow at 9.30am but work on bullet points with the advocate
Rearrange the appointment and have the advocate present
Cancel the appointment and try to change mental health nurse without advocates help
Cancel the appointment and try to change mental health nurse with advocates help
Make a formal complaint
I opted for cancel appointment and change mental health nurse with advocates help, without making a formal complaint.
So after the major confusion as to which office S actually answers to out of the two offices she is attached to, we manage to cancel the appointment and ask how to go about changing nurses. I have to write a letter to the manager of the nurse practitioners. So we worked out exactly what to say, the advocate is going to type it up and bring it round for me to sign tomorrow. Normally I'd do it myself, but I have enough to deal with. It's different, to let someone else help, odd and uncomfortable, but it is one less thing for me to have to deal with. The advocate even gave her number to the CMHT. S phoned and left a message on the advocates phone. She is going to fob S off until the paper work goes in to change nurses. Awkward and severely uncomfortable situation avoided!
Went to get dinky from school. On the way home we get some carrots to feed the horse she rode on Sunday and the other horse in the field. I broke the carrots up and dinky fed the horses. All was well until the white horse sniffed dinky's hand and chomped hard. I heard a pop and dinky scream I instantly tried to grab dinky's hand but the horse wouldn't let go. I instinctively tapped it on the nose and shouted "OFF!". The horse let go, dinky was screaming. Her hand was bleeding, and It was swelling. I called a cab. We got to the hospital at 4.10pm. Went to X-ray at 5, got back from X-ray at 6 got seen by the doc at 7. Luckily it wasn't broken,they redressed the wound, gave her antibiotics, and warned of the dangers of getting it wet as the risk of infection given that it was an animal bite that broke the skin.
B called as we left the hospital. Apparently I shouldn't send dinky to school tomorrow, to give her a chance to rest. Seriously does she not think I can make ANY decisions for myself? Honestly! Her kid has a 60% attendance rate and the only reason they are not reviewing the circumstances is because her daughter is not 5, therefore not compulsory school age yet.
Dinky spent the whole time waiting for X-ray and waiting for the doc messing about and causing mayhem. A couple of times she caught her hand on something, and stopped for maybe 10 seconds but was straight back in there. No broken bones, able to play = able to go to school! She has antibiotics, and calpol, she will be fine. If she isn't, she can come home.
I phoned my dad to let him know about dinky's accident. He agreed with me, she'll be ok to go to school and the school will phone if she isn't.
So we will see how she gets on tomorrow!
No appointment tomorrow so all good.... Still waiting on post or phone calls for everything else!
So dinky was up at 4.30am courtesy of our noisy neighbour downstairs. She was dressed and breakfasted at 6.30am. Got to school at 8.20, did the phonics and off I went.
I got a phone call from B again telling me what I ought to do while I apply for jobs, so much so my new response to her when she goes off on one "ah huh, yep, good idea, yeah I will look into it" and repeat!
Got home, tidied up and cleaned the floor, waited for the mind advocate to discuss my issues with the mental health nurse. She was really nice and she asked me to go through our appointments chronologically and tell her any little comments or anything that made me uncomfortable and we would discard anything that we agree is not really a big issue. When I told her some of the stuff S had said S was very inappropriate and I had every right to feel aggrieved. I told her how she can be very contradictory in what she says, I gave 3 examples, apparently there is no wonder I get confused by the mixed messages. The advocate asked me about my care plan. My response "what care plan?", according to he the advocate I'm supposed to be involved in my care and treatment. That's a laugh!
She ran through the options. I could:
Talk to her in the appointment for tomorrow at 9.30am but work on bullet points with the advocate
Rearrange the appointment and have the advocate present
Cancel the appointment and try to change mental health nurse without advocates help
Cancel the appointment and try to change mental health nurse with advocates help
Make a formal complaint
I opted for cancel appointment and change mental health nurse with advocates help, without making a formal complaint.
So after the major confusion as to which office S actually answers to out of the two offices she is attached to, we manage to cancel the appointment and ask how to go about changing nurses. I have to write a letter to the manager of the nurse practitioners. So we worked out exactly what to say, the advocate is going to type it up and bring it round for me to sign tomorrow. Normally I'd do it myself, but I have enough to deal with. It's different, to let someone else help, odd and uncomfortable, but it is one less thing for me to have to deal with. The advocate even gave her number to the CMHT. S phoned and left a message on the advocates phone. She is going to fob S off until the paper work goes in to change nurses. Awkward and severely uncomfortable situation avoided!
Went to get dinky from school. On the way home we get some carrots to feed the horse she rode on Sunday and the other horse in the field. I broke the carrots up and dinky fed the horses. All was well until the white horse sniffed dinky's hand and chomped hard. I heard a pop and dinky scream I instantly tried to grab dinky's hand but the horse wouldn't let go. I instinctively tapped it on the nose and shouted "OFF!". The horse let go, dinky was screaming. Her hand was bleeding, and It was swelling. I called a cab. We got to the hospital at 4.10pm. Went to X-ray at 5, got back from X-ray at 6 got seen by the doc at 7. Luckily it wasn't broken,they redressed the wound, gave her antibiotics, and warned of the dangers of getting it wet as the risk of infection given that it was an animal bite that broke the skin.
B called as we left the hospital. Apparently I shouldn't send dinky to school tomorrow, to give her a chance to rest. Seriously does she not think I can make ANY decisions for myself? Honestly! Her kid has a 60% attendance rate and the only reason they are not reviewing the circumstances is because her daughter is not 5, therefore not compulsory school age yet.
Dinky spent the whole time waiting for X-ray and waiting for the doc messing about and causing mayhem. A couple of times she caught her hand on something, and stopped for maybe 10 seconds but was straight back in there. No broken bones, able to play = able to go to school! She has antibiotics, and calpol, she will be fine. If she isn't, she can come home.
I phoned my dad to let him know about dinky's accident. He agreed with me, she'll be ok to go to school and the school will phone if she isn't.
So we will see how she gets on tomorrow!
No appointment tomorrow so all good.... Still waiting on post or phone calls for everything else!
Monday 7 January 2013
So today was the breast clinic appointment.
After taking dinky to school, trying to get her to do her phonics without causing a major disruption from her ultra sulk, pulling her away from the door so people could get in and out, and leaving her with mrs C (which dinky was not impressed with as she normally has mrs H as her TA) in floods of tears, I set off for breakfast. I met with my friend B who has done all this before but she didn't remember that I had the appointment today. After yesterday, her telling me to search all the places to get a job, I couldn't be bothered to remind her. I ate my breakfast in silence while she went off on one telling me where I should be looking for work and what I should be doing with my life.
After I got the bus to town and walked up to the hospital. I started to feel a little anxious about the examination and had to get my book out to distract myself but my heart wasn't in it. I was taken in to see the doc pretty quickly. For the life of me I could work out why they had a separate changing room, seeing as she was about to have her hands all over my breasts, I didn't see why they couldn't see me get undressed. So I came out and she asked me where the lump was and felt it her self, she spend a good 5 minutes checking every cm of the breasts. I had to block out the intrusive memories, but it was better than flashbacks. I got dressed, she asked my medical history and if there was cancer in the family. She told me she couldn't work out what it was but ran through the list of what it could be.
Lymph node- maybe
Fibro something or other- possibly
Cancer- unlikely but can't rule it out
She didn't think it was a cyst because the shape was wrong. It wasn't circular, or smooth.
Apparently because of Christmas and new year the ultrasound department were only taking follow ups and mammogram discrepancies. So I would get an appointment for a scan in the next couple of weeks and she was going to ask for a biopsy so they can be sure the diagnosis is correct. I preferred not knowing the next bit, "they will have to give you local anaesthetic to the breast because it is quite a wide needle to get what they need". Now I'm not scared of needles and biopsy could have meant small needle or big needle, there was no need to squash the hope it was a small one!
And that was that. 10 minutes.
So a letter should come in the post. So that is something else to look out for.
Bidding day today, 2 houses in the wrong areas so wait another week to see if something comes up.
No news on anything else that I am waiting for.
The mind advocate will be here at 11.30 tomorrow to discuss my options with the nurse. My appointment with the nurse is on Wednesday so we will see how that goes. I'm really not up for a fight on this one. I've been irritable enough lately without having a discussion about considering other peoples feeling with a nurse who's job it is to help people. I get the feeling she is from a nice middle class family who expected her to go to uni and she decided to do nursing as it is a good profession to get into. Mental health nursing doesn't require getting your hands dirty so here she is. She doesn't seem all that experienced, she had to look up antidepressants in the medicine book. If she was experienced you would think she would know her antidepressant drugs being a mental health nurse.
So this week is going to be one of those weeks!
More job hunting to keep me busy and I stop smoking from tomorrow!
Wish me luck! :)
After I got the bus to town and walked up to the hospital. I started to feel a little anxious about the examination and had to get my book out to distract myself but my heart wasn't in it. I was taken in to see the doc pretty quickly. For the life of me I could work out why they had a separate changing room, seeing as she was about to have her hands all over my breasts, I didn't see why they couldn't see me get undressed. So I came out and she asked me where the lump was and felt it her self, she spend a good 5 minutes checking every cm of the breasts. I had to block out the intrusive memories, but it was better than flashbacks. I got dressed, she asked my medical history and if there was cancer in the family. She told me she couldn't work out what it was but ran through the list of what it could be.
Lymph node- maybe
Fibro something or other- possibly
Cancer- unlikely but can't rule it out
She didn't think it was a cyst because the shape was wrong. It wasn't circular, or smooth.
Apparently because of Christmas and new year the ultrasound department were only taking follow ups and mammogram discrepancies. So I would get an appointment for a scan in the next couple of weeks and she was going to ask for a biopsy so they can be sure the diagnosis is correct. I preferred not knowing the next bit, "they will have to give you local anaesthetic to the breast because it is quite a wide needle to get what they need". Now I'm not scared of needles and biopsy could have meant small needle or big needle, there was no need to squash the hope it was a small one!
And that was that. 10 minutes.
So a letter should come in the post. So that is something else to look out for.
Bidding day today, 2 houses in the wrong areas so wait another week to see if something comes up.
No news on anything else that I am waiting for.
The mind advocate will be here at 11.30 tomorrow to discuss my options with the nurse. My appointment with the nurse is on Wednesday so we will see how that goes. I'm really not up for a fight on this one. I've been irritable enough lately without having a discussion about considering other peoples feeling with a nurse who's job it is to help people. I get the feeling she is from a nice middle class family who expected her to go to uni and she decided to do nursing as it is a good profession to get into. Mental health nursing doesn't require getting your hands dirty so here she is. She doesn't seem all that experienced, she had to look up antidepressants in the medicine book. If she was experienced you would think she would know her antidepressant drugs being a mental health nurse.
So this week is going to be one of those weeks!
More job hunting to keep me busy and I stop smoking from tomorrow!
Wish me luck! :)
Sunday 6 January 2013
Why do other people feel they have the right to tell me how to live my life?
It probably doesn't help that I have not been in the best of moods lately, but where do people get off telling me what jobs I should take, where I should take them and when?
Isn't it enough that I'm homeless, waiting for appointments left right and centre because my entire world has crashed down around me in 2012? Obviously not.
It seems that I must not only deal with everything I have got on but I must also look for employment and deal with things in the right manner. Apparently I'm not allowed to be angry. I'm not allowed to go into periods of depression. I have to just handle it like nothing affects me or my daughter. Everyone is quite happy when I am hyper, unless I go too hyper and as long as I don't embarrass them in public.
I'm sick of living by everyone else's rules my feelings be damned!
This is why it was easier when I wasn't aware of the extent as to how I was being used and manipulated. Ignorance can be bliss, because knowing that the way people treat me is wrong just leads to anger that everyone says in unacceptable. Well fuck you very much!
I'm also sick of people trying to fix things. Get a job here, get a job there. It's ok for you love, you have qualifications and a ten ton of experience in your field that most people wouldn't consider as a job to go for. How many times do I have to explain it?
I don't have qualifications and can't work weekends, all I have is 5 years experience working for one of the most disrespected companies in retail.
All the entry level jobs for offices ect are going to 16-25 year old apprenticeships. Which means the company can pay a pittance in wages while the person is under apprenticeship. Why would they pay more for someone just as inexperienced as those they will pay next to nothing for?
I can't go into education because the job centre expect me to look for work in february, and that is without the fact that sometimes my concentration is so low/go through periods of depression that there is no way I would be able to pass a course.
I'm not too bothered about the type of job I do. The only jobs I wouldnt consider are a carer and a waitress. Carer because I don't think I could handle working with older people and changing their adult nappies or helping them to the toilet or bathing them. Firstly I'd probably gag at the smell of adult excrement, and I don't think I could deal with washing naked people.
A lack of concentration and poor handwriting would rule me out of waitressing. Plus there is the added fact that most of that work is evening and weekend work.
I've looked at McDonald's, burger king, Tesco, asda, sainsburys, morrisons, Iceland, marks and Spenser, BHS, debenhams, hmv, mothercare, Disney store, next, currys, hobby craft, clarks, blacks, cex, Argos, tkmaxx, the entertainer, toy barnhaus, the early learning centre, superdry, boots, the apple store, Vodafone, ee, waterstones, whsmith, and more. Only one or two had vacancies and all required weekends.
I have applied for a job doing laundry at a care home because they don't need weekends as a rule. I have applied for other jobs which I probably won't get because of the amount of people applying who have relevant experience or better availability.
Stop telling me what I can and can't do. I am fully aware of my options! They just happen to be more limited than you know. It's not like I'm not trying! It's not like I'm saying I'm going to do what I can to get signed off. It's not like I'm actually giving in to the situations I find myself in at the moment! The whole thing is going to be a nightmare, logistics, moving, dinky. It won't be easy but I'm not saying I won't do anything.
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people telling what to do, how to act. I've spent my whole life putting up with it. You don't like how I am? Do one! I don't need more people controlling me, pitying me, looking down on me and patronising me. I've had my fill of that. Join the back of the long line and wait your turn for your pop at me. Just don't expect me to be fucking grateful for it!
"your doing the best you can and you can't expect anymore of yourself". No? So why do you and everyone else expect more from me? Why am I not allowed to say I'm not doing very well? Why am I not allowed to cave under the pressure? What makes me so special that I should be able to continue to (quote from another person) "no matter what life throws at you, you still manage to behave with dignity and compassion."? Why can't I fall apart?
Oh no, I have to maintain this stupid illusion of being strong and capable of getting through anything, just to make everyone else feel better!
It would be nice if one of these people took stock of everything going on and said "you know what? Your situation sucks, but you can do this." and instead of trying to fix things with comments that don't apply to the situation or them being ignorant of the way these things work, they ask "is there anything you can do/ what are you doing?" Rather than assuming I don't know what I'm doing. It's patronising. I'm not a child, I know what I can and can't do in all of the situations, I don't need your comments which make me feel I have to argue my point because you are wrong. Then you get the hump because I'm being argumentative.
Fuck the lot of you! You get on with your lives and let me worry about how I'm going to get myself out if this mess I AM IN. That's right, Me not you! You all know what one or two of the situations are like, but not all at the same time. Yet the things you are advising me on you know nothing about!
Rant over.... If only I was strong enough to say these things to the people who need to hear them!
Isn't it enough that I'm homeless, waiting for appointments left right and centre because my entire world has crashed down around me in 2012? Obviously not.
It seems that I must not only deal with everything I have got on but I must also look for employment and deal with things in the right manner. Apparently I'm not allowed to be angry. I'm not allowed to go into periods of depression. I have to just handle it like nothing affects me or my daughter. Everyone is quite happy when I am hyper, unless I go too hyper and as long as I don't embarrass them in public.
I'm sick of living by everyone else's rules my feelings be damned!
This is why it was easier when I wasn't aware of the extent as to how I was being used and manipulated. Ignorance can be bliss, because knowing that the way people treat me is wrong just leads to anger that everyone says in unacceptable. Well fuck you very much!
I'm also sick of people trying to fix things. Get a job here, get a job there. It's ok for you love, you have qualifications and a ten ton of experience in your field that most people wouldn't consider as a job to go for. How many times do I have to explain it?
I don't have qualifications and can't work weekends, all I have is 5 years experience working for one of the most disrespected companies in retail.
All the entry level jobs for offices ect are going to 16-25 year old apprenticeships. Which means the company can pay a pittance in wages while the person is under apprenticeship. Why would they pay more for someone just as inexperienced as those they will pay next to nothing for?
I can't go into education because the job centre expect me to look for work in february, and that is without the fact that sometimes my concentration is so low/go through periods of depression that there is no way I would be able to pass a course.
I'm not too bothered about the type of job I do. The only jobs I wouldnt consider are a carer and a waitress. Carer because I don't think I could handle working with older people and changing their adult nappies or helping them to the toilet or bathing them. Firstly I'd probably gag at the smell of adult excrement, and I don't think I could deal with washing naked people.
A lack of concentration and poor handwriting would rule me out of waitressing. Plus there is the added fact that most of that work is evening and weekend work.
I've looked at McDonald's, burger king, Tesco, asda, sainsburys, morrisons, Iceland, marks and Spenser, BHS, debenhams, hmv, mothercare, Disney store, next, currys, hobby craft, clarks, blacks, cex, Argos, tkmaxx, the entertainer, toy barnhaus, the early learning centre, superdry, boots, the apple store, Vodafone, ee, waterstones, whsmith, and more. Only one or two had vacancies and all required weekends.
I have applied for a job doing laundry at a care home because they don't need weekends as a rule. I have applied for other jobs which I probably won't get because of the amount of people applying who have relevant experience or better availability.
Stop telling me what I can and can't do. I am fully aware of my options! They just happen to be more limited than you know. It's not like I'm not trying! It's not like I'm saying I'm going to do what I can to get signed off. It's not like I'm actually giving in to the situations I find myself in at the moment! The whole thing is going to be a nightmare, logistics, moving, dinky. It won't be easy but I'm not saying I won't do anything.
I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people telling what to do, how to act. I've spent my whole life putting up with it. You don't like how I am? Do one! I don't need more people controlling me, pitying me, looking down on me and patronising me. I've had my fill of that. Join the back of the long line and wait your turn for your pop at me. Just don't expect me to be fucking grateful for it!
"your doing the best you can and you can't expect anymore of yourself". No? So why do you and everyone else expect more from me? Why am I not allowed to say I'm not doing very well? Why am I not allowed to cave under the pressure? What makes me so special that I should be able to continue to (quote from another person) "no matter what life throws at you, you still manage to behave with dignity and compassion."? Why can't I fall apart?
Oh no, I have to maintain this stupid illusion of being strong and capable of getting through anything, just to make everyone else feel better!
It would be nice if one of these people took stock of everything going on and said "you know what? Your situation sucks, but you can do this." and instead of trying to fix things with comments that don't apply to the situation or them being ignorant of the way these things work, they ask "is there anything you can do/ what are you doing?" Rather than assuming I don't know what I'm doing. It's patronising. I'm not a child, I know what I can and can't do in all of the situations, I don't need your comments which make me feel I have to argue my point because you are wrong. Then you get the hump because I'm being argumentative.
Fuck the lot of you! You get on with your lives and let me worry about how I'm going to get myself out if this mess I AM IN. That's right, Me not you! You all know what one or two of the situations are like, but not all at the same time. Yet the things you are advising me on you know nothing about!
Rant over.... If only I was strong enough to say these things to the people who need to hear them!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)