Things have been crazy

Like the title says things have been a bit crazy round here. 

I've been meaning to blog but my head is all over the place at the moment. 

Mostly things centre round Dinky. Her school have been a bit useless from the second week and still are. I had to talk to the deputy to get her a bloody coat peg. The school said she was welcome on the school trip only if I went as her 1:1. When I went to discuss it, turns out she wasn't doing as well as the teachers made out. If I didn't go there were only a few options. 

1. They get a senior member of staff trained in restraint to go, but they would need a second member to go too so she would have 2:1 on her. She is 5 for crying out loud! A small (hence the name dinky) 5 year old, 2:1 they can't be serious! Apparently that is expensive though...

2. I have her at home. No bloody way! They don't want her on the school trip so she gets to stay at home when she is supposed to be getting an education? No way!

3. She goes into the nurture room for the day. 

Ok those are my options. 

Well, I am not in the right place for socialising with teachers and parents and having lots of little kids talking to me. It is taking everything I have to be cheery and fine for Kaitlyn's sake when she is home. Plus I have never been to this place, so it's a no. 

Option 1, the deputy wasn't keen on and it was a lot of "well, we will have to see if we can finance it and get the staff."

Option 2. No way.

Option 3, well to be honest from what beginning of the week teacher said once, the nurture room might be a part of her schooling at some point if she is unable to cope. Maybe it would be worth her getting used to the nurture room and the staff. 

Then there was a meeting with the senco. 

That was fun. If fun means fighting tooth and nail for what should be a given. 

She started off all defensive, "we are getting to know her", "some children present differently in different settings", "it is hard for the teachers to talk to 30 children's parents or carers at the end of the school day." And "we try to remain positive about our students". 

So I explained that it is hard not to be anxious after your 5 year old only lasts 6 months in one school, to move to another and be misled into believing that your child is doing really well, but knowing in the deepest part of yourself that it just isn't true. I second guessed myself. Only to find through speaking to the deputy and having a small chat with beginning of the week teacher that actually she really isn't doing as well. It doesn't help that the TA is one of those people who think they are better than everyone else, but is actually no better. 

She doesn't get Dinky and she won't even try. 5 years as a TA and she thinks she knows everything. She moved dinky down a reading level because dinky wouldn't read to her. So she went from stage 2, to 1+ and is now on stage 4 in only 4 weeks.

So with all that in the background, it is hard to think about doing what I need for me and for our future. I finally got a new mental health nurse, but she is less than useless. 

She said he only thing she could do was send me to some group. 

The group leader phoned and gave me 15 minutes to make a 45 minute journey.

On a brighter note. 

I took Dinky to the London eye, and the sealife centre/ London aquarium. 

We had a really good day. 

The last time I took dinky for a day trip to London (apart from her grandma's) was the science museum back in August. That was a nightmare. She ran off, hid, refused to move, messed about a lot, final straw was hitting me because we had to wait for the space tour. We ended up waiting outside for the people we went with to finish up. 

This time we had her DLA form and pre booked priority disabled tickets. Which meant no time restrictions, no lines, no crowds, less noise and more freedom. It meant I could do things at her pace. I let her choose what order we did things, when we did them, what we had for lunch and how long we spent in places. She was allowed one small thing from each place as a souvenir. 

They say challenging children need more boundaries. I gave Dinky less and watched her have the best day out we have ever, ever had. 

Even when she was 2 and we went to the sealife centre in Brighton she was a nightmare. 

I don't know if I'm just pure crazy or if the less boundaries thing works better because she definitely has PDA, but we are going to the 'special children's day' at London zoo this weekend with my dad. I will probably have to make him aware of my plan and how I want to handle her, and how he will handle her or he can just go/stay home. 

I think now I have a very good idea what is going on with dinky it is easier to manage. 

Like, I know she may find it difficult going to the zoo, so it will be on her terms. She can decide when we go, how long we stay and which areas of the zoo we visit. I am still in charge of safety, but she is in charge of everything else. 

Lets see what tomorrow brings

Steps for me and Special needs swimming for Dinky

I will get round to explaining April, at some point... But I need to arrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh and I can't do it on Facebook as only one of my Facebook friends knows that dinky is being assessed.
It's not like it is a trade secret, it is just, I'm not a sociable person, most of my friends on Facebook are old friends and people I occasionally have small contact with once in a blue moon.
So why do I need to arrrrrrrggggghhhh...
Well, yesterday I had another steps meeting. L is lovely and honestly she seems to be one of the most down to earth and friendly of the people I end up being sent to. Although it really was not an easy 40 minutes. I have had a call and I have an appointment with another MHN on Friday. So L was trying to get me to see that I don't help myself because I don't let people see the vulnerable. Yeah I've heard it before. What I don't get is how others don't see that then. How come M from the counselling service and L from steps see the vulnerable? She got me to try and talk to her first. Not easy...
Today...
Well I had this awesome idea that now Dinky gets DLA I should get her into some special needs classes that she couldn't do otherwise... Like.... Swimming... Hey, what could go wrong? First of all I must point out the reasons swimming in an ordinary swimming lesson wouldn't work.
1) numbers- I watched the end of a swim lesson and there was one instructor and 12 kids. Dinky could not be one of those 12 kids as none of those 12 kids would get the support from the instructor as swimming pools are dangerous places (and proven today) dinky just doesn't understand the term dangerous. She sees what she wants to do and does it.
2) other children- forget numbers other children would be a distraction and she would do stupid (and dangerous) things in order to be liked
3) her demand avoidance- imagine a child who actively avoids demands, put that child who has autistic traits in a new environment and add excitement. Not good. How would an instructor of a class teach her?

So I got her into the special needs swim group.
Dangerous, demand avoidance, controlling and meltdown.... That was her swim lesson.

How, or why they are willing to have her back I don't know. I think I will be a nervous wreck although I have ideas as to how to improve it for next time.

The worst part, was seeing her in a special needs group, not doing well, and not being the most high functioning child there. Which surprised me. A lot. And now I don't know how to feel. I feel... Sad almost.

Oh and to top it off her teacher is a bloody idiot and put a stage 1+ book in her book bag... She read a level 5 over the weekend and read it almost perfectly! It's writing and numbers she can't do!

Dinky awarded DLA

It is a happy and a sad thing... Let me explain...

Happy-

Well, it is extra money for things she needs or that would help her that other children wouldn't need and opens the door to activities that she can access that she couldn't before. It makes my life easier as I was dreading having to tell the job centre I couldn't attend a sign on because my daughter was going to be assessed for autism spectrum disorder. Or finally get into work and have to go to meeting after meeting for dinky. Now I can be her carer while she gets assessed and then I can find a job in my own time.

Sad-

How can it not be. My baby, my little miracle, my dinky is classed as having a disability. Even typing that is hard. No parent wants others to label their child as special needs, Special educational needs, disabled, or have a disability.

That is what this award says... Your child is disabled. You child has special needs. Your child will never be like other children.


Is this a big shock. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. I can't tell. No, not really. From January I have come to accept in time that yes dinky is not like other kids her age. No it is not housing related. No it won't go away and no it doesn't change who she is but it does crush the hope that she will grow out of her extreme behaviour. It sucks all the hope out of me that one days she will not be so anxious when it comes to a demand filled environment. She won't stop spinning after school, she won't stop chewing EVERYTHING, she will never act her age and although she is bright she will always fall behind because she can't handle the classroom environment.

Do I home school? No. I am the worst possible person to teach her. I taught her a lot but I get very frustrated and I'm only reinforcing what she learns now.

What is the answer? I don't know. My head is a bit of a mess... I will think, I will write again

It has been a long time

He's it has been a while.
A lot has happened and I've spent a lot of time trying to sort everything out as there have been some major developments....

**26th February 2013

*Morning-
I went to the doctors for dinky like I said I was going to and went through a long list of her issues that cause concern and took the deputies referral which had 75% of the criteria of PDA on.
He mentioned PDA but being a GP registrar had to ask his superior where he should refer to. The superior happened to be the doctor who did an extensive appointment in which she referred dinky to CAMHS after the shambles we had previously and that stupid doc who didn't listen to a word I said.
So he referred to the child development centre to the autism spectrum disorder clinic for assessment.

*Afternoon

The school went from being ok to being useless and the head teacher was quite offensive!
I was pretty much cornered by the head and Dinky's play therapist. They were saying that staying in the hostel holding out for a place nearer the school was not in Dinky's best interests and that she was unsettled. That she would be fine moving to a new school and it was me who didn't like change.
They said that two other schools (the only ones with spaces and in areas with awful reputations), would be "used to dealing with families like yours." I'm still in the dark as to what the head teacher meant by this statement. She also said that once dinky feels settled she will be fine and in the next breath said that both schools have dedicated sencos and nurture groups which would be better for dinky.
Anyway, a lot was said I left feeling like they didn't want her there and were using my willingness to do anything for dinky no matter what the cost to myself to get her out. So I had pretty much decided to move her out on this convo as I had seen a lovely place on the day before in a better part of the undesirable area.
To be fair on reflection I can sort of understand it. Dinky is not the easiest of children and if she does have PDA then it isn't going to get any easier!
But everytime the class teacher had the slightest inkling of a problem she ran to deputy. Deputy had to come sort dinky out so was pulled away from deputy/senco duty. Head teacher wanted her deputy back and play therapist well, I don't know. She asked to keep in contact with me regarding dinky. I said yes purely because I wanted to be childish and prove my point when dinky doesn't actually improve.

So when I got home I bid for it

**1st March 2013

WE GET THE HOUSE!!!

Well, I got a phone call to say we were going to be offered it.

**4th March 2013

Went to look at school down the road from possible new place. It seemed like it would suit dinky. It had a big open room with separate areas as classrooms, most of it was play based learning and therefore not too demanding, and seemed nice enough.

**5th March

I went to look at the house, it was massive! Both bedrooms double rooms, lovely big storage cupboard/play place off the living room. It was perfect. 10 mins walk from the school I looked at the day before. So I took it.

** 8th march 2013

WE MOVED IN!!!

Honestly it was the best feeling. Despite having to throw a couple of boxes of my stuff away due to mice in the garage where most of my personal possessions were, I got some things squared away pretty quickly.

The end of march

Dinky finished at her school. It was a shabby farewell and to be honest I am pretty disappointed. The class teacher promised dinky a special book, it was basically thrown together last minute and was shit. The senco came out to say goodbye and all three TAs came to say goodbye. The head teacher went into Dinky's class but I would have bitten her head off had she come out so I have her a warning glance and she walked back out.

ALSO

Dinky was accepted for a special needs group and went in two trips during the Easter holidays and I am waiting to hear about the Saturday group activities!

I will write more from April tomorrow!

Haven't been on here for a couple of weeks...

It's has been a strange few weeks and if I'm honest I've not been on top form, I've been slightly depressed and ill with flu. I'm not sure how I am at the moment except I have loads of paperwork to sort through and lots of appointments to go to and all I want is to bury my head in the sand.
Unfortunately that is not an option.
I've signed on to job seekers, the school senco has made out that all of dinkys problems are housing related, I still haven't heard anything about a new MHN, Dinky turned 5 and I have been back to the docs about dinky and her behaviour having been told about a little known form of autism called PDA.

So first of all they had the CAF planning meeting. I wasn't allowed to go because there were 6 children being discussed at this meeting. When I went to speak to the senco (also the deputy head and our lead professional) she said that CAMHS have said dinky probably won't meet their criteria, that I should get in touch with a housing support service (which are pretty rubbish if the one I just told not to bother anymore are anything to go by) and that she will be doing a referral for the family link worker service. Which all sounds well and good except she also said that our issues are housing related so the team said that there is not much they could do and have I tried the rent deposit scheme. Urgh! Yes, the rent deposit scheme is all well and good if you can afford to pay £150 a month towards your rent even if you qualify for full housing benefit and continue to pay that £150 on top of whatever else you have to contribute when you work. Also you need a guarantor who earns over £30,000 a year and find a landlord that will accept those on income support or job seekers and a young child. I can safely say that the chances of me getting a guarantor are 0% and being able to afford £150 a month on benefit again 0% and finding a landlord who will take IS/JSA and a child next to zero. So yes I have tried that route and do they not think I would rather go private rent than live in a hostel? But I must be thick?
So a resounding flop on the senco's part of I'm honest as if she used an ounce of common sense she would see that it has been 10 months and surely dinky would settle and adapt (as most kids do) not get worse the longer time goes on. The thing that gets me is no one has thought to ask dinky whether or not she likes it here. I have. She says she likes it a bit. I ask what she doesn't like, she replies, the bumpy walls, referring to the wallpaper. Other than that she says she likes it here. She likes sharing a room with me and she likes the other kids that either live or visit here. So is it still housing related? I don't think so anymore.
So with everyone telling me there is a problem with dinky and since she went on the SEN register I went looking for parents in the same position (roughly) as I find myself in with dinky. Funnily enough after explaining about dinky and posting some of the harder days with her one person private messaged me and told me I should have a look at PDA (pathological demand avoidance).
I almost laughed when I read the description, not only does it sum dinky up in a nut shell but also 75% of the criteria was in the referral to the family link worker service written by the senco.
It makes complete sense. At Playgroup they could not dissuade her from playing her own games, and could not persuade her to paint, or join in activities, well, not unless she wanted to. However they did mention that if they asked her to she wouldn't, but if they told her it was available she was more likely to give it a go. She has got progressively worse at school, which makes sense because more and more demands are being made of her. The first half term was pretty much have fun while we work you out and then easing the kids into school life. Well for dinky it wasn't very easy for her and she does avoid tasks in quite a dramatic fashion (normally running off and hiding or pretending to go to the toilet). Of course it could have been just me right? So I phoned my dad. I read the criteria and he said it was dinky 100%. I copied it out and showed the two people who keep saying that dinky shows autistic traits and they said it was spot on. I even went as far as showing the senco who agreed it fits dinky, although she says it still may not be the case which I don't deny. I am not saying dinky definitely has PDA, but surely it is worth investigating.
Also in regards to the school the senco/lead professional/deputy, is arranging a TAC (team around the child) meeting for sometime in the next few weeks. So that should be entertaining. Especially if they refuse to listen and I have to photocopy dinkys behaviour diary that I have been keeping for the last 5 weeks. I think then they might start to pay attention to the fact that maybe all is not what it seems where dinky is concerned.
Dinky had her 5th birthday but unfortunately was ill. Which kind of sucks for her, but she had a good time.
As she turned 5 my income support ended and I'm now one of the thousands upon thousands if not millions of unemployed people in the country on JSA. Doing the online form was easy as anything, it was the fact I had to go to an appointment to finish the claim with dinky as it was half term then I had to sign on too with her there. Which wasn't the easiest of tasks as it is very hard to have a discussion when dinky is bored and doesn't want to sit in the seat.

Oh yes that's right inbetween these job centre appointments I went to the doc about dinky, to see if the dic would refer her somewhere else seeing as CAMHS have pretty much said dinky doesn't fit the criteria and I showed him the referral to the family link worker service and the criteria from the national autistic society and he said it was worth investigating as dinky was hiding under the table with the curtains drawn. She also jumped on the bed, pulled the blinds, tried to leave the room and hit me in front of the doc because I said the school can't handle her behaviour.
He said he wasn't sure of the best place to send us so he made an appointment without dinky there for Tuesday and he is going to speak to the practice partner (who did dinkys CAMHS referral) and ask her opinion.
So I have to wait until Tuesday for that one...


Other than that... Yes it has been fun.. Oh and it is inset day tomorrow so I'm taking dinky up to the soft play centre for a bit...

Fun times...

Last week was last week- what do we have this week?

So last week dinky got a communications book that was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard or trapdoor on a boat.
I went to a housing meeting to be told by everyone I met that dinky sounds autistic/aspergers.
I got a call from the mind advocate telling me I had a new MHN, but no appointment yet.
I went to the doc who told me that I was lucky as I wasn't on the streets, who said I wasn't depressed and then the screening came back as positive for depression! Genius these docs in this surgery.
So I'm full scale ranting in my head at the moment.

Feel free to stop reading as this could take a while....
Dinky's issues first...

To be honest I'm all over the place with dinky and her issues. All these people keep mentioning autism (high functioning end) and aspergers I even had one parent tell me to look up the difference in manifestations between male and female autism as some of the stuff I have said, I have said the teacher has said, she has seen herself, it makes sense.
The school are the ones who first flagged things up but the teacher is being so difficult to get on board.
It is like it is a massive chore for her to do a communications book for dinky. Today I was furious when I read the comment! I had been standing outside the class this morning because the door was open and no member of staff was nearby, so dinky could have gone and no one would have known until the register was taken. I was watching dinky with her 'friend'. All of a sudden dinky launched herself at this 'friend' punching her in the face and falling on her at the same time. The other kid was obviously upset and got the TA, who told dinky off and made her apologise. None of the staff knew I had seen this take place. However in the comms book all I have for the entire day is 'some lovely times'. Sure, there might have been some lovely times but don't you think I should be informed that my child punched another kid in the face? Surely that shows that she is aggressive in school too, when on the CAF form the physical aggression has been marked as being a home thing! It is things like this that mean she won't get the right help because no one will be able to say what is going on without the right information. Physical aggression in class is quite a major thing. Especially as last week I witnessed dinky push another child over and be reprimanded and I had to drag her away from a fight she was having with the same kid she punched today! Surely this counts as need to know? Right?
It's like anything else with the teacher. I had no idea dinky wouldn't participate in groups until I read in her reading diary 'dinky is becoming more compliant to come and read in a group now.' it actually seems I get more information from the home reading diary than I do from the comms book! Even today there is a longer entry in the reading diary! Maybe that is why the comms book entry is so small. I don't know... Who knows what the teacher is thinking. She is probably going to the first port of call when she looks at me and sees that I look about 17 (I'm being nice!) and wear jeans and a hoody with Nike air force ones, I don't exactly look very motherly. Maybe I should change my school wardrobe and wear some jeans, black shoes/ boots or nasty sketchers trainers, with some old persons cardigan and a coat from M&S? Maybe then it won't come down to a class/age/parenting perspective. The stupid thing is the deputy is brilliant and assures me she will do what is in dinkys best interests and can see it is not a parenting issue!
There was a time where I almost smacked the health visitor because she handed me a NSPCC leaflet about not smacking your children and about listening! It took for me to prove I had done the time out for years with little or no success, I tired reward charts to little or no success, and I tried removing dinkys favourite films and toys, again little or no success. Actually there was one point when I took all dinkys films and toys and she had nothing for 3 weeks but the normal tv which was restricted heavily. She didn't really seem to care. She just looked out of the window at the horses. I have tried positive parenting strategies, and I have tried picking battles. I have read book after book on managing behaviour in toddlers and preschoolers. Some bits from some books work, other books, not so much! They had to agree I had and was trying everything.
I am such an impatient person. Now I know there may be something wrong with dinky, I want an answer like tomorrow. I don't want to do the NHS/CAMHS waiting malarkey! I want to know what is wrong if anything and if there is, what they can do about it!
I guess I probably should look up autism in girls and see what it says. Maybe I can look closer at some situations and see if she fits or not.



My issues...
Well, what can I say. I just have to wait. The doctors where I am are rubbish though. Normally there is like a one doc per surgery that treats me like I'm 10 years old but almost every doc I see is as useless as the next and all seem to use varying degrees of condesending and patronising language toward me. Oh well. I'm lucky, its not as if I'm on the streets right? Sure because everyone on the streets have children too. It is not like if I didn't have dinky I would be on the streets either. Actually I would be a supervisor or higher for the only major sports shop (and don't include the shop that had to remove sports from its name as it was a sports wear company and not a sports company there is a difference!) in the country and would still have my own flat down by the south coast. The only reason I gave it up was because I had dinky! So that's crap. And no I'm not bloody lucky... What I'm lucky that we are in a hostel? That it is me and a hyperactive nearly 5 year old who has 'behavioural and emotional difficulties' in one room? Oh I'm lucky to have undiagnosed mental health issues with the latest being PTSD and the possibility of a mood disorder? Oh so lucky! Oh and I must be so lucky to have found a lump in my breast and have to go to 4 separate appointments and strip to the waist and have memories resurface of the sexual abuse I suffered for 2 years! Yeah I'm so bloody lucky! I ooze luck! So much so that the MHN I had made me feel worse and when I try to change nurses it takes over 2 months! So lucky! And on to of all that I get to go job hunting and have my already low self esteem pushed further back by not even getting one interview from 30 job applications!
Don't you wish you were as lucky as me?
Don't get me wrong I know what he was aiming for, and I've taken it slightly out of context. I guess it is hard for those on the streets but does that make it easier for me? I'm not saying that I have it worst off in the world. I could name millions of people worse off than myself. I just think it was a rather poor use of words and a poor use of his imagination.


This week there are no suitable houses to bid on (although I'm thinking about changing schools if this teacher situation doesn't get resolved soon!), I have a job centre interview for my jobseekers allowance on the 7th, I might pop into the school tomorrow and talk to the deputy about the contact book. That's about it really...

I just mustn't forget how lucky I am!

It's been an interesting couple of days... Complicated life seems such an apt name for this blog!

Maybe it's because I scored as depressed on the questionnaire or maybe it's because I'm extremely shattered, maybe it's because so much has happened or maybe it's all of it combined, but I haven't posted for a few days... So here it is...

Thursday I went to a housing meeting with a parents forum. I wasn't sure if I should be there. I was given the flyer by the deputy at dinky's school but it was for parents of kids with SEN (special educational needs). I went anyway. A Housing meeting was going to be interesting and if I had nothing to add, I had nothing to add.
Funnily enough the guest speakers from the local council Housing department didn't turn up! I'm not surprised by the reaction of some of the mums once they established the council were not coming, there was a woman from occupational therapy who was going to take questions and comments back to the council, and the poor woman got it from all angles.
One thing that came out time and time again was the councils within the whole county had the same issues. Their attitudes were bad, and the systems failed both adults and children who have disabilities or problems (including mental health).
I explained that dinky has only just been identified as SEN, but that I tried in vain to explain how much of a drastic effect moving us from one temporary accommodation to another would have on her. I was told to pack and move within 24 hours. This wasnt possible. I fought and got an extension for a few days. Even then I hadn't enough time to prepare dinky to move yet again and it did drastically effect her. Especially her behaviour. I spent weeks of being physically attacked and dealing with her meltdowns. So much so I went to the GP as I couldn't handle it. None of it mattered to the council officers.
Afterwards another mother approached and asked some questions about dinky and mentioned that her autistic son was just the same, and was dinky being assessed for autism. No, no she isn't.
Then a man approached me and told me he was from a project that offered play sessions for 5-10 year olds with SEN and disabilities. After hearing of my issues with dinky he would like to offer for dinky join the project and go to some sessions with other SEN children. I told him that dinky wasn't diagnosed with anything and he said "yes but with what you have said she will be. I've worked with kids like your daughter for 20 years."
It's good in the fact that there is a great place dinky can go but on the other hand everyone keeps telling me that there is more than a possibility my dinky is on the autism spectrum.

Friday...
Hmm, well. Friday was a very bad day for dinky.
First of all she had a fight with her friend. Well her on off friend according to the TA. The teacher just stood there. The student had to protect the other kid and I had to muscle my way past parents and kids piling into the tiny area that the fight was taking place. I grabbed hold of dinky and literally dragged her out of the classroom. She kept trying to get back in ago I had to hold her. She punched me and shoved me in front of the teacher who had come out. She ran off looking for the deputy. The welfare officer came in and tried to help. Then the deputy came. They told me to go. It is so hard to go when your kid is distressed, but I left.
I did some bits in town and then headed home. At 12.30 I got a call. I looked at my phone and it was the school. Filled with trepidation I answered. It was the deputy. She said that dinky had fallen over and another kid had picked her up and dinky said she hurt her arm. Apparently dinky hadn't used her arm for 2 hours and the deputy wanted to see what I wanted to do. There was no swelling or bruising and she didn't seem distressed at all. I said I'd pick her up and get it checked and would be there as soon as I could but it might take a while coming from the other side of town.
Well on my way to the school my phone rang again. I picked up, it was the deputy again. Dinky had made a miraculous recovery! She was fine. So I did some window shopping and picked her up at normal time.
Dinky ran off to play as soon as I picked her up. I tried to get her to come with me but she was having none of it. I asked her to hold my hand as we were about to go out of the gate and she ran off again. I went over to her and tried to calm her. She was a the point where she could go either way. Then she ran for it under the picnic table. I managed to get her to agree to come out under the table but she decided to go the side way and got herself stuck! That's when the welfare officer and the TA came out. The welfare officer said I was handling it fantastically but looked like I needed help. I told her dinky was stuck but I was fine. They stuck around anyway. Between myself and the TA we got her out and then the welfare officer spoke to dinky and she bolted again. Then another member of staff came out and was instructed to get the deputy. Dinky kicked water from the puddle she was in all over me. I got much sterner at that point. I had removed 3 minutes already but took another and demanded an apology for that.
She apologised and I managed to get her to come with me. The she ran for the gate. The deputy followed but kept her distance. Dinky ran straight up to a dog ad began stroking it. I tired to explain that I wanted to hold her hand for safety as she was running off and I needed to keep her safe and that was my job as her mummy. The deputy could see dinky was not paying me the slightest bit of attention and tried to help me explain.
Drained beyond belief I managed to get dinky to walk with me and she held my hand.
She was then fine on the bus and on the way home. She messed about a bit at home and went to bed uncharacteristically on time. Then again she spent most of her day being stubborn and running so she probably knackered herself out!


One thing that has wound me up this week that I haven't mentioned yet is the contact book.
After 3 people suggested the book and the teacher (begrudgingly) agreed to it, she hasn't exactly written anything to help me understand what she is like at school. Most of it is in direct relation to the new behaviour system dinky is on. Where she gets 5 minutes base level and gets one added for good behaviour and one taken for bad behaviour...So we have
Monday- 1 min- up and down today hopefully while she is getting used to it
Tuesday- am 9 mins- pm 6 mins- have decided to shorten the time that dinky needs to work for into 2 sessions morning and afternoon. Excellent morning/ good afternoon
Wednesday- am 2mins- pm 8mins- excellent effort all afternoon
Thursday -am 7mins- pm 4 mins- Found it more difficult this morning dipped right down to 2 mins before coming back up. Pm - bit tricky
Friday- am 4 mins- pm 4 mins- an up and down morning - an up and down afternoon too!


Os it just me or is that not very helpful at all! Thursday afternoon got me the most.. bit tricky... What does that mean? How does that help me understand anything?


Oh well, tomorrow is Sunday... Then back to business Monday morning!

I have a new nurse, and my docs have about as much empathy as a rock!

So, this morning I went to the doctors because I am one stressed out person, I hadnt heard anything back from CMHT, and I have to start seriously job hunting in 3 weeks.
The doc says "it's not like you are living rough homeless, you are lucky." Lucky? Yes, I'm slightly better off than those sleeping rough... But I wouldn't consider living in small one room with a 4 year old who has behavioural and emotional difficulties, lucky!
He said I didn't seem depressed and then at the en of the appointment because I have 'mood issues' I had to do a questionnaire and guess what? It says I'm depressed! Honestly the doc was an idiot.
I left there and had an overwhelming flow of rage. I got home and pretty much broke down into a heap. Which isn't like me. I spent the next hour trying to get myself in a position where I could leave the house without feeling like I was going to rip someone limb to limb. Its a good thing I can recognise the rage, I know what to do to get by, I will have to smash the living daylights out of the pillow later just to release some of the tension. I couldn't do it earlier because I probably would have gone overboard!

Anyway.
When I got back from getting dinky I got a call from the mind advocate apparently I have been allocated a new mental health nurse, I just have to wait for that person to contact me.

So it's a waiting game

Housing, the play therapist and Dink's escape attempt!

Things in the hostel are quite a bit better since the woman downstairs moved out! No more late night calls, no more worrying if she is going to make yet another complaint about dinky's noise and no more going downstairs to find all of her rather large family's clothes in the machines all day.
I went on this morning to look at what is available this week to bid on. 4 properties! Unfortunately none in the right area, on the plus side though, we were top of the list at 12pm for 3 of them and second for the other! Maybe, just maybe the next time one comes up in the area of dinky's school then it will be ours! I might have to take the mind advocate with me to see the housing officer (I wouldn't normally but the housing officer is a pain, and some back up wouldn't go amiss!), that way I can plead my case for trying to get consideration for the right area if we are very near the top of the list, if something comes up.
It's that or leave it down to integrated services who have said they are going to try and help with the housing situation! Yay!

The play therapist called today. She asked how WE were getting on. I used capitals because she asks about how I'm doing too which is nice, especially seeing as she doesn't have to. Dinky is her priority. I told her about the library on Saturday. Fun! Oh well. I also let her know about the CAF and what integrated services said to the deputy. She seemed happy for us. Although when I asked her if it would solve dinky's problems she said she wasn't sure. So we will just have to wait and see on that one.

I have been looking over dinky's learning journal with the childminder today. I think I might have to spend some time working out what was normal age development and what wasn't. If that fails I might ask the childminder what she thought dinky's strengths and weaknesses are seeing as she is a trained early years professional (she has quite a few certificates), and she has known dinky since she was 1 year old.

I went to the school to get dinky and the class supervisor (covering for the teacher who was on a course), asked if she could have a word. So I waited. Who walks in? The deputy head. Apparently during lunch dinky said that she wanted to escape and then tried to climb the fence. The deputy had to get involved and talk her down, then had to calm her, and explain that she couldn't do things like that at school! To be honest I was pretty shocked about the whole thing! The deputy said they were going to have to be more vigilant at the moment! I felt for her because she looked like she was a little stressed and was running out of ideas of how to stop dinky doing it. When she asked dinky why she was doing it she said it was because she wanted me. I know I'm her mum, and I'm the closest person to her in her life but I'm not megamum! I honestly thought she would like a break from me and spend time with other children. I'm at a loss as to what to say!
I might text the play therapist in the morning and let her know what happened at school as she is seeing dinky in the afternoon. Maybe she can get some sense out of her?

I don't know. I'm getting rather confused by everything dinky orientated right now. I'm trying to work out for sure if dinky has issues other than the housing situation. I'm starting to actually believe there is.

Oh and dinky has a contact book! Shame there is literally only space for about two sentences. I must admit I'm a little disappointed in the teacher. I know she made the effort to actually create the book in the first place but she hasn't exactly given herself much space to let me know what goes on.. Then again maybe she just doesn't want to.... However much I really like the deputy and the head, I'm really not impressed with the class teacher!

Sunday... This week has gone fast!

This week has been full of developments. As one thing clears up and disappears... Another becomes more apparent.
So it was just a cyst. All good.
Dinky has issues, I already knew that. However I didn't know all of it. How come I didn't know all of it? Why didn't I know she was behind in her reading? Why didn't I know she was behind in PSE? Why was I the last to know she was going on the SEN register on school action plus?
I swing between being grateful for the quick interventions from the deputy head, and complete frustration at dinky's teacher.
During the CAF they said 'on her terms' a lot when it comes to dinky. However I can't help thinking a lot of the teachers attitude and interaction with me is on her terms!
Oh she will do the contact book.. On her own terms. I have to make sure the book is on her chair, it has to be manageable and she has little responsibility for ensuring it is completed.
Oh she thinks the chew necklace is a good idea... However she won't take responsibility for what children bring into her class, she will have to ask the deputy head and as long another children don't think they can wear necklaces.
Oh dinky can do phonics in the library, but only of there is someone on hand to get dinky into the classroom, not including herself. Again zero responsibility. Zero accountability. Dinky is just a name in her 29. Obviously not one of her favourite children. But then she sees dinky as difficult. Like it is down to me and my parenting. I've gone down that route. I blamed myself. I keep getting told it is not my fault. I keep getting told I am doing everything right. So why does this teacher make me feel I'm doing it all wrong? Why do I take notice of the one negative and ignore the four who exonerated me?
I have missed things that people keep picking up... How did I miss it?
Am I do wrapped up in the stress of everything that I have become blind to what it is that could be going on with my daughter?
It is so easy to blame everything on the situation. The hardest thing is admitting that the situation has probably just exasperated problems that already existed. As a mother, I feel bad but, we are getting there. Dinky is now going to see the right people.

So what is going on next week...

Well Monday it's phonics and bidding day
Tuesday dinky has play therapy and I am going to do more visual timetables for home
Wednesday, I'm going to chase up CMHT
Thursday, there is a housing meeting at the local theatre to discuss the issues we face
Friday, I have to make a claim for job seekers
Saturday, spend quality time with dinky
Sunday.. My dad is coming up

CAF Form, integrated services, and dinky's teacher

I just have to say that Dinky's head teacher and deputy head are absolutely amazing!
If dinky didn't go to this school I do not think she would get the support she does!
I've never actually spoken to the head but she is lovely. Formidable, but lovely.
We started the form which was done without the questions. Each section was done purely on strengths and needs. It was hard to hear the school's view of dinky. The look on the deputy's face when behaviour and independence was brought up, as a parent, was devastating. The deputy has seen dinky first hand. I don't think I have heard the word challenging so much in my life!
Dinky is slightly behind in her reading, and is behind in PSE in particular managing feelings and behaviour , and listening and attention, which are below age related expectations.
We went through dinky's strengths and weaknesses in every section. The deputy was diplomatic but needed to accurately describe what happened at school. When it comes to what happens when she is home, I let them know. I had to tell them everything. It was in Dinky's best interests.
The head teacher was very kind when it came to my own insecurities as a parent, my mental health and the wider family question. It was very hard to discuss some of those things, but again, it is for dinky.
When it was all done I left feeling like I'd completed an exam, and failed.
The worst part was as I left all I could hear was "MUMMY!" It took some time, but eventually they managed to get dinky to a point where I could leave.
I did some shopping in the local shop and as soon as I got home I put some soup in the microwave when my phone rang, I didn't get to it in time but it was a missed call from the school. I phoned back and it was the deputy. She said integrated services had phoned and wanted to know the circumstances of our homelessness. Apparently she was very optimistic that she could at least help with the housing situation a little faster! I couldn't believe it! The CAF form had only been completed 20mins before hand! She also told me that integrated services have called a CAF planning meeting (professionals only), for the 12th of February! That is 2 weeks away! I couldn't believe it! In 2 weeks I might have some support plan for dinky!

My head is spinning!

I tried to relax a little before going back to get dinky from school.
When I went to get her the teacher called me in. We sat down and she told me that they were going to take dinky off the normal reward system at school. At present the kids all start on the fluffy cloud. If they are good they move to the sunshine, if they are really good they move to the rainbow. The flip side is, if they do something naughty their name gets written on the grey cloud, and for persistent bad behaviour (like dinky's) the name goes on the whiteboard. It is possible to have their picture on the rainbow but their name on the whiteboard. They don't agree with taking the previous achievement away, however this works both ways as the child will not get their name removed from the board. Every day this week dinky has been on the whiteboard.
So new strategy! Dinky is to have 5 mins in one minute disks. If she is good she gets more minutes, if she is bad she gets minutes taken away. At the end of the day she can use her minutes to pick an activity to do.
I brought up the contact book, and the teacher said that's fine, but it has to be manageable. So she will do a book and tell me he minutes dinky has. If she has done something bad that will go in the contact book. For instance... Today dinky had to write her name and the teacher had 5 other children to get started in the group. Dinky refused point blank to do it. It took a while but the teacher managed to get her to do her name but she crossed it out and began scribbling. So the teacher said she was going to tell the deputy and went off. In that time dinky wrote her name nicely.
So stuff like that will go in the book.
I asked about the chewing. Apparently dinky does it quite a bit. I told the teacher about the necklace and she said it was a good idea and would ask the deputy if dinky was allowed it in school.
We had a little chat and it seems dinky is getting on 'better' with the teacher, but still not doing as she is told. However I did say I had noticed dinky had been 'more compliant' when it came to group was in her reading diary and the teacher laughed. She said she loved reading dinky's reading diary as it had the best comments! I don't know if that is my version of what happens or some of the things I put down that dinky says about the books. To be honest I thought she was getting annoyed because I kept asking for more printed sheets for the diary. However this time she was prepared and put 3 sheets in!

I guess it has been a very dinky day, but I feel much better knowing things are getting sorted.

My wallet is stolen, dinky, and reminiscing the more wild parts of my childhood!

So today might not have been the best day. Better than some worse than others.

It started ok. The woman downstairs finally moved out! Yay! I didn't throw a party, instead I fell asleep after embracing the silence. I can't think of an adequate way to sum up exactly how nice that silence was after 6months of listening to rather loud phone calls, and one, then another, child screaming for their mum's attention. Bliss? Near enough.
So when dinky woke me at 5am it wasn't the usual "argh, what time is it? Come give mummy a huggle for a bit". To be honest I don't even know why I bother. Dinky is not the kind of child that gives hugs for more than a minute (unless she's ill or hurt). She can lean on me or sit on parts of me (normally feet of arms) or put her head on my lap but she doesn't give long hugs, so why nearly every morning I hope she cuddles me for 1 hour I don't know. I blame being sleep deprived for my wishful thinking!
I watch her play with her toys while she looks at me wondering what I'm doing watching her before breakfast! At 6am it isn't the usual "ok, I'm getting up, I Am getting up". I got up and got the breakfast quicker than normal. Dinky looks at me and I smile. I do not normally smile before 7am! We get ready, dinky decides today she can't put her own socks on. So I do it for her to save arguments, well, why spoil a perfectly fine morning. So far no kids downstairs screaming and no mum swearing back at them in response. Yes, they have definitely gone!
Dinky was watching tv, she made me laugh watching Ben and Holly's little kingdom. Bless, she still tries to warn characters not to do things! But now she turns to me and says "see mum, I told him he shouldn't have done that!".
We get to the school gate and suddenly dinky decides to play up, and right in front of the head teacher as well! Oh dear. Basically, the playground was still covered in ice so the teachers had made paths and coned off the ice so the kids and parents (because let's face it some of the parents can be worse than the kids!), don't go on the ice, fall and sue the school. Oh no, that rule doesn't apply to dinky. Cones, what cones? Off she goes. I have to tear after her before she falls over or worse runs out of the other gate near the road. I can only imagine the head thinking this is exactly why we have the risk assessment! Once I get dinky and calm her down we go into her playground as we didn't have time to go and change her Wellies in cherry blossom (the SEN room). Once we get into the classroom dinky started getting agitated. I looked round, it was very busy. Dinky grabs her book and decides she wants to go to the library to do it. Before I get the chance to say anything she runs off toward the library. Luckily mrs H, dinkys favourite TA, is right by the door. She stops dinky and asks what the matter is. Dinky says she wants to do her work in the library. By this point we were joined by miss C the current TA who says it is fine. S we go to the library with mrs H. Dinky does her letters nicely. Mrs H left and dinky showed me more of her lovely letter writing skills. It was much different to the previous days where she was adamant she couldn't do it. So I was happy and so was she, after, I left dinky with miss C, whom dinky has begun to warm up to.
I got the bus and checked how much cash I had in my wallet and put it back in my pocket. When I got off the bus it wasn't there. The bus does a 15 minute loop, so I waited anxiously at the bus sto for the bus to return. The driver let me check for my wallet but there was a guy sitting in the seat I had sat in. He moved so I could check but it wasn't there. I got angry. Within 15 minutes some arsehole had stolen it. I wouldn't have minded so much if they had taken the money and left the wallet. Reason? Well, the wallet itself probably was nearing its last legs, and seeing as all the cards would be cancelled by the time the person tried to use them the cash was all that was worth them having. For me I means phoning 0845 numbers from a mobile phone (which can be quite costly), then having to relay all my security details and then waiting for a week or so for the cards, which means going into the bank and as I have no photo ID it is a struggle to get my own cash! Arrrghhhhh! As predicted I went into my bank to withdraw some cash and had to give them endless details in order to get some cash out. All cards cancelled and now the wait for cards... It sucks.
What also gets me is that I have given up smoking and decided savings would go to dinky's birthday, so far not much has been saved. I have had to get new school shoes, new water bottle (as dinky has chewed through yet another lid) and the chew necklace (to stop her chewing her toys). She loves the chew necklace! It was a fight to get her to part with it this morning, but she did eventually in return for a 20p troll toy.
I went to the library to return the behaviour books and the books I got out for dinky, and get her some more books. Then went back upto the school. I always worry when the teacher sees me, lets dinky come to me and then says "can I have a word after school tomorrow?".
I'm not quite sure what is going on now. Before christmas it was to say she had done something wholly unacceptable and for me to be made aware. However in the last 2 and a half weeks it has been to discuss ways to resolve things. Maybe it is a bit of both? I have no idea. I have the CAF meeting tomorrow morning, and now am going to see the teacher after school. This last few weeks have been very odd, as I don't know where the line is between a parent constantly seeking advice and/or help with their kid, or just a parent with a child who has problems and just wants to help to resolve them.
It does provide an opportunity to do what I was supposed to do Monday and ask for a contact book. I don't know why, but I feel like it is asking too much of the teacher to spend a few minutes writing out dinky's day, especially when she has 29 other children to supervise getting sorted to come home.
Anyway, dinky walks to the bus stop and asks for a story. So I let her and M read one of the new books I'd borrowed from the library. They sat ok on the bus. And dinky walked home ok. She did get docked 3 minutes of special time. Twice for hitting as I wouldn't let her on the ice, and once for shouting at me.
When I got home I got her reading diary out, which had gone to the teacher for review. You know your child is troublesome when the first line of feedback is 'dinky is becoming more compliant to come and read in group now' although I was pretty happy reading the next part 'once she does join the group she is proud of the reading she can do and so am I! :)' (the teacher did draw a smiley face but it is hard to do it the tight way up on here!) so it seems dinky is finally showing what she can do, and the teacher is realising that dinky is not as slow as she makes out. Well, not when it comes to reading. For the life of me I have never been able to get dinky to sit and do numbers with me. When she does she gets frustrated and purposely messes about in order to get me to end the ordeal.

In myself I'm still a little fragile in the sense that I'm still a little too aware of everything going on around me. Fair enough I didn't feel my wallet go missing, but I have caught myself a few times scanning the area. I have to keep reminding myself that everything is fine. It doesn't help that yesterday I was catching up on Facebook and came across a status which reminded me more of my childhood. Not just the bad, but the good (and the wild!)
The status was 'I miss building camps in the ramps sheds.. I miss goin on the go karts dat (ok for clarification I didn't write this!) S, R and R used 2 make and I miss the rope swing on the tree that we put up at the bottom of the hill dat I fink every kid went on in W.H...those days were the best bein a adult is boring :('
The go karts were awesome and there were a coupe of hills we used to ride them down. The rope swing! That thing would have been considered a death trap by any parent had they bothered to check where we were! It was about 15 foot high on the drop and only cleared the 5 foot fence by about half a foot. Scary as anything, but such a rush!
More comments were added, like the 'borrowing' of scaffholding poles and planks of wood to build camps outdoors (after the first incident of sexual abuse I wanted to find ways of camps out of the ramps), setting fire to the large bins. Then the less wild side of 30 odd kids playing Tim tam tommy and another game. It was mental! Kids from 7 year old up to 13/14 playing together. Knock down ginger! Oh dear, our estate was kind of too perfect for that with 7/8 houses on each balcony. We got up to so much back then! I have to try to remember the fun times. It was what kept me going during the dark times. Football matches between one side of the estate and the other, being the only girl and holding my own!

There were good times.

Dinky's mini meltdown, the ultrasound and then massive meltdown!

This morning was pretty ordinary, until we got into the classroom.
Dinky put her bag and coat away ok, put her name on the bard and got her book.. All good! We sit down at the table and open the book to 'oo'. Dinky also had to write the words foot and food to illustrate the two lengths of 'oo' sounds. The f's were going a little wonky as she wouldn't sit on her chair properly. I was helping her form them in the correct manner by saying the shape was perfect we just needed the letters the right way up. The classroom was getting busy and I could sense dinky was getting on edge. I tried to keep her calm and focused, then the teacher came over and in her teacher voice (projective voice/not quite shouting but louder than normal) said "Remember today's sound is 'oo'" she dropped down to dinkys level and still in the teacher voice asked her how she was doing. Dinky threw the pencil down and hid under the table. I managed to coax her out. We then went off to the library to finish her work. The LSA (learning support assistant) came over and helped calm dinky down a bit as she was still not quite calm. We managed to get dinky to write some more letters and then took it back to the classroom. This morning I left dinky with the new TA, she seemed ok with it, so I left.
I went to the pharmacy and managed to get some more nicotine replacement, and got my money back for the out of date lozenges they sold me yesterday. Went home and did the washing, then thought I would take a little nap. The woman downstairs had other ideas! To be honest I don't know why she is still here! She got her keys to her brand spanking new house yesterday, surely she would move all her crap in her car that day and leave this ace never to return? Hell, the day I get my keys I will be well shot of this place! It just goes to show what a muppet she really is!
I did manage to get 1 hour of nap time. I went to have a shower but she was bathing her two sons so the shower wasn't working... Was starting to get more pissed off with her by this point... Move out already! So I had to wait an hour for the shower as this place is so bloody old it has a water tank that needed to refill.
I got to the hospital with 5 minutes until my appointment, as per usual for hospital appointments he was running late. So I started reading my book, and then got called in. The woman in there told me to strip to the waist and lay on the couch while she fetched the specialist. He bounded in, all cheerful asked me to point out the lump and then he started scanning. I felt very tense and my mind kept wondering back to the past. Thankfully I didn't have a flashback but just remembered certain things that J used to do. I just felt sick. After a few hmmm's and ahhh's he looked at me and smiled. It's a cyst, we could drain it but it should disappear by itself. He asked if it was painful, when I said it wasn't, he said he'd leave it in that case and if it got painful just go back to the GP. He said I had quite lumpy breasts and my hormones must be a little haywire and my breasts have reacted. I thought this was one of the oddest things I had heard in my life! It was just the distraction I needed. He looked at me and asked if I was ok, before I got the chance to reply he said "you are ok, I'll leave you to get dressed, when you are ready go get yourself a nice cup of tea and relax!" and he left. He was lovely, I think he must have picked up on how I was feeling. I got myself ready and walked out. Seeing as I don't drink tea I just put my headphones in and stopped for a minute. I was feeling a little fragile and for some reason a tad emotional. I sent a message to a woman I have become friends with from a sexual abuse group and let her know it was just a cyst and to thank her for her previous messages she had sent today. I told her I was a little fragile but ultimately relieved that I now know what it is.
Then it was off to get dinky. When I got on the bus my phone rang. It was the mind advocate. She asked how I was and if I'd heard anything back from CMHT. I told her I was ok and that I hadn't heard anything. She said she would get onto tomorrow for me. That was nice of her.
It started snowing as I walked up to the childminders house. I had no trouble finding the place. I rang the bell and the minder answered. Dinky took one look at me and darted off upstairs. The minder went to get her but dinky was in full screaming meltdown. Once she had managed to get dinky down the stairs I managed to get her to tell me what was wrong even though she was still really distressed. Dinky whispered in my ear that she wanted to stay longer in between racking sobs. When I told her that she couldn't stay any longer today she starting hitting me. She actually got in a few punches to my face and I was finding it hard to keep my cool. She was rapidly losing her special time for lashing out, she lost the last of it for spitting at me. Between the minder and myself we managed to get dinky's wellies on, and I literally picked her up and walked her out of the house. The snow was coming down, I hadn't managed to get her coat on her and the paths were covered in ice. She ran off down an icy slope, my heart was in my mouth. I ran after her and had to hold her for her own safety. I managed to get her calm enough to walk with me. Then I managed to get her coat on her. Then we made it to the bus stop. She was still a little stressed so I told her I loved her very much. Nothing could ever stop me loving her, even when she is upset and angry I still love her. Even when she shouts and hits me, I love her, and that I'm always here for her. We had a cuddle and finally she was back to calm.
Once we got on the bus she seemed much happier and told me that she had fun. She also told me that the older child had taken the younger child's seat which made her cry, then the minder came to tell the older one off and it was too noisy, so she put her fingers in her ears until it all stopped and then took her hands down when she was given a toy to look at. I thought it was a little odd that it was one of the two things she told me about her day.
I asked her if she had fun with the play therapist and she told me they played with the house and the red squishy frog!
There was no way dinky would have walked the 15 minutes in the snow which was coming down pretty heavy by that point. So I called a cab and we got off the bus. When we got back dinky seemed pretty happy. She had some dinner and then went to bed. I think the 20 minute meltdown affected her. For the first time in a while she fell asleep half an hour after I put her to bed.

Now I'm just drained. It's been a long afternoon.

So that's it for today....One less thing to worry about!

My way of getting through....
Bring on tomorrow... It's just another day!

Today just has not been my day!!!

Dinky woke me up at 5.45am. I had no idea if the school was open or not, I decided to get dinky ready in time just in case it was open. I found out at 7am it was. So we left for school. A little messing about in the snow, but nothing too bad from dinky and all was well.
We got to school, she changed her trousers and shoes in the SEN room, very minor messing about, no issues. Phonics was a bit of a nightmare, but it wasn't a chaotic as normal as not many people came at 8.30. Dinky didn't run off, but was vey easily distracted by everyone else. She made quite a bit of noise and the teacher came over and told her to be quiet as other children were working. It was at that point that I realised there was no TA and no staff member to greet dinky. I let the teacher I know I was leaving and that dinky was playing with her friend. I went to find one of the other mums but she was still doing phonics with her daughter so I went to check on dinky as the teacher had 29 other kids to look after. Through the window I could see dinky and 2 other kids messing about at the door the other end of the classroom. I kept watching and dinky could have gone anywhere and no one would have been any the wiser. The teacher saw me and came out, at that point the deputy head was with dinky. I said I was fine, I was waiting for another parent. I went back over to the other classroom and saw that both TA's were in that class. I was a little confused because it was in the risk assessment I signed just last week that dinky is to be greeted by a member of staff.
When the other mum came out, we went down to the bus stop. I found out that the teacher hadn't arrived so they put the two TA's in that class. The journey to the bus stop was 60% the other mum moaning that the school was open, 20% her moaning about her daughter not eating breakfast because she was watching tv and 20% me trying to discuss dinky with no avail.
I went home, phoned the council (my dad wants to move up here, so wanted to find out if he was eligible for housing benefit as it is more expensive here than it is where he is), he is eligible for a 1 bedroom. I phoned the county council about travel to school when dinky turns 5, the person I needed to speak to was in a meeting. I logged onto the housing website and would have been second on the list at 10 am but it was the wrong area.
I got bored and decided to go to the library to find any books to deal with dinky. On the way there, I popped into the pharmacy as I had completely ran out of nicorette lozenges (which are fantastic!). I had gone on friday but apparently they only had one person able to 'administer the cessation medication' and she happened to be out at that point. She doesn't work Saturdays and then I found today she doesn't work Monday's either. I was slightly annoyed that the only person who was qualified to run the cessation service was not a full time member of staff! Helpful.... Not! I tried to explain that I was quite frustrated that there was only one person able to run it, what if she was sick for two weeks, the service would presumably be cancelled? So much for 'pledging our hearts to keep yours healthy'! So I ended up paying for the lozenges.
I got a book out called 'how to calm a challenging child'. It's not a bad book. Most of it is common sense. Unfortunately it isn't all that common though! If you can get past the putting your own frustration and agenda to one side and think of things from the child's perspective then it's all good... Well, thanks captain obvious. I think most parents have problems with not snapping at children in certain circumstances for instance...
When they suddenly become incapable of putting on their own socks on the ONE day when you are running behind in the morning, and you cant do it yourself as you are busy trying to find your keys that you later find they have hidden in their toy box!
when you get an important phone call and they decide that it is precisely the moment when you get into a flow of conversation that they desperately need to talk to you, need to know who is on the phone, need food, need a drink or just need your undivided attention.
When you take them to the park and give them time warnings, yet when it is time to go, they scream like they are being murdered and run like they are being chased by the boogeyman!
I could go on, but wont! There are a few things I will try to incorporate in my discipline, how successful they will be, I have no idea.
I was going to get dinky and bumped into the childminder. She had found someone to have dinky tomorrow, dinky knows her, I however, do not. So I walked with her and waited to meet the other minder. She was late so I went to get dinky. I didn't get a chance to talk to the teacher as I still had to meet the person picking dinky up. I ended up watching my friends son, and the childminders son while she looked for one of the other kids who had managed to get lost among the sea of children in the playground.
It was at that point I got a call from the county council regarding the travel to school. I explained that the hostel was the opposite end to town to dinky's school and when she turns 5 it will cost me £75 a month to keep her in school. The response was less than helpful. Not only do we not qualify because dinky doesn't go to the nearest school to where we live but they won't offer assistance to those in temporary addresses. So I had dinky messing about in the snow, I had my friend's autistic son trying to play in the snow but I had hold of his wrist reins, the childminder's son was throwing snowballs at the teachers cars and I was scanning for the 4 year old that had gotten herself lost in the crowd, and the guy on the other end of the phone was being less than helpful, so as politely as I could I ended the call whilst conveying my disgust at the lack of help he was offering. Once I put the phone down I realised how much of a muppet he was! Being the schools transport something or other for the area, you would think he would have more sense than to phone at 3pm, which he should be aware is home time for the majority of primary schools in the area!
I met the childminder having dinky. She seemed really nice and dinky recognised her so I feel a little better about leaving her there.
We got the bus and I managed to keep dinky occupied by reading the two books in her book bag. She wasn't too interested in both of them but still liked me reading. Walking home was a bit of a nightmare as she wouldn't wear her hat or her gloves. the gloves was more of an issue as she felt the need to brush the snow with her hands and squeeze it between her fingers. Her hands were red raw but she didn't complain about them.
We got home and I went for the lozenges I begrudgingly paid for and was fiddling with the box only to find the bloody things were out of date by 3 months!
I completely forgot to write the petition header on a work issue for my dad so did that while dinky had dinner.
Dinky decided she wasn't going to go to sleep because she wasn't tired. Then 1 hour later she asked me what my phone number was, she got really agitated and insistent that she had to have it that instant. I was quite concerned by how upset she was getting about it. So I wrote it down and we agreed I would put it in her book bag right there and then. She wanted her book bag next to her bed, again very insistent. She seemed much happier knowing it was there.
I spoke to my dad and told him what the council said and gave him his petition header. I told him about dinky and the morning. At that point I got quite annoyed because I realised that before the deputy head came out dinky could have gone anywhere so much for 'Staff to be extra vigilant when the gates are unlocked between 8:40am and 9:30am'. No one would have been any the wiser as the part 'dinky will be greeted by a member of staff to ensure they know when she has arrived in the mornings.' was not adhered to either. I'm guessing if I approached them about it they would say that the teacher knew she had arrived (despite the fact she had no idea that the deputy was taking to her in the corridoor outside the classroom.) and that the deputy had spoken to her so was vigilant. I'm guessing if dinky hadn't have been messing about and quietly run off she could have been anywhere. Now I know how they lost her for 45 minutes in the first term!
Fair enough dinky shouldnt be behaving like that, but there is nothing I can do from home, I also can not reinforce the schools position if I had only been told once that she had gone missing yet was told a week ago that she had done it 'on numerous occassions'!

Well at least I haven't had a chance to really think about tomorrow!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, well at least before 3.40pm, I don't think tomorrows appointment could be included in any good day.

So until tomorrow!

Sunday again.. What happened this week... What to do next week...

This week...

Wow, I have just been trying to remember what happened on what day and I cant believe it has only been a week! So much for 2013 being easier!

He main things that have come from this week...

Dinky "is a Special needs child" a direct quote from the deputy head who also happens to be the ANL (additional needs leader) who knows every child with SEN (special educational needs) that has been through the school in the time she has been there. Then there is the play therapist. Now I didn't put down the whole conversation we had, to be honest, it is difficult to process someone asking all these questions and you don't know if your answers are a good thing or bad thing. I'm more inclined to the bad things....
The play therapist asked if dinky had any toddler tendencies
Well, there is the baby whining (which drives me and my dad bonkers!)
The tantrums, they haven't been all that regular but can be violent
there is her obsession with putting things in her mouth. Especially small rubbery toys.

Then she asked what dinky was like around noise
Well she can get a bit funny, she never liked the Hoover, and puts her hands over her ears under bridges where trains pass over the top and sometimes throws tantrums.

The play therapist also said that dinky seemed to be off in her own little world a lot. She looked at me funny when I said dinky had always been like that, right from being little, she was always such an easy baby.

Then I started thinking more in it this weekend, what else sets dinky aside?
The fact she takes things literally, doesn't look me in the eye when I'm talking to her (It drives me mad), her rather deep fascination with space and her knowledge of space which is phenomenal given she was only 3 when she got into it and could tell you anything you never knew... Like what the rings of Saturn are made from, the fact that the sun is a star, why we get half moons and full moons. Plus at the age of 4 she showed up a bunch of secondary school kids on a trip to the museum by answering the question 'the rocket then goes around the earth, what is this called?' dinky whispers Orbit in my ear. Two kids get it wrong and dinky shouts out "ORBIT". Everyone is stunned but thinks I gave her the answer, except for the kids around us who heard dinky say it to me first.

Most of them separate, are things that you can pass off as one thing or another. Together, well. I never put it all together before. Does it mean she has a problem? I don't know. The risk assessment is another giveaway...The play therapist and the ANL think there is, and so does dinky's teacher. Maybe I should actually join them and admit maybe there is something going on with dinky that is not housing related.

Other than that I got my ultrasound appointment, and after knowing for 2weeks that snow was coming, buses, trains and schools come crashing to a halt! I'm pretty sure most of the other countries around the world are laughing so much at our inability to handle a little snow! I mean here it was about 3/4 cm, schools shut and buses not running to the school all over 3/4cms of snow.

So next week...

Monday... IF the school is open I am going to have a word with the ANL and the class teacher and see if we can do phonics in the library or in cherry blossom (small SEN room) and ask if it is possible to start a contact book.
Also check with the childminder as to who is having dinky Tuesday and bid for any houses that we are eligible for.

Tuesday...
My ultrasound appointment at the hospital. I am dreading it both for the normal reasons and the flashback/intrusive memories reasons. (the normal reasons include the distinct possibility of being stabbed in the breast with a large needle!)

Wednesday...
If I haven't received word from CMHT, I'm going to make an appointment with the GP.

Thursday... Not much planned

Friday...
CAF form at the school...



And that is about it!
I'm trying to focus on dinky's issues
1) because I'm her mum and it's my job
2) because I feel guilty as hell that I didn't think there was an issue before
3) because I can't face my stuff at the moment and it doesn't help I'm in between mental health nurses at the moment
4) because it's probably the only thing that can be dealt with properly right now


Until my next post!

Snow= chaos! + Tuesday's breast ultrasound and biopsy

Yesterday dinky had a huge meltdown at the crowded bus stop!
It was a little too much, I had to restrain her to stop her doing a runner. M's (dinky's friend) nan who gets the bus home with us regularly asked if dinky get upset much around unexpected loud noises. I said yes, she said it was just that the only times she has seen dinky have meltdowns, it was when the bus stop was crowded.
When I spoke to my dad last night he agreed that it is possible as whenever she has had a meltdown with him, it has always been when there has been a lot going on around them. That must be why she is running off every phonics morning!
The door opens at 8.30 and from that moment it is pure chaos! Half the class and the parents come at 8.30, Kids are putting their stuff away, parents scrambling for seats, and babies normally are crying. More parents and children turn up, then some parents are leaving and more parents and children are coming. More putting stuff away scrambling for seats, children are trying to get the teachers attention to show them their work, the teacher is asking loudly over people to remind them of the days sound. Dinky says she needs to go to the toilet and hides in the tent or behind the puppet theatre outside the room. Both myself and Mrs. N thought it was a way to get out of doing her work but I think it is more likely the chaos. I was going to talk to Mrs.N after school and ask if I could still come at 8.30 to do phonics with dinky but that we go and do it in the library or cherry blossom (small SEN room). I didn't get a chance as I got phone calls and text messages at about 11.30am to let me know the school was shutting at 1pm, and children were being let go as soon as parents arrived.

I was really considering cancelling my appointment for the ultrasound next week. The childminder can't seem to find someone to have dinky, and it is hard for her as she has dinky's friend K on tuesdays (he was diagnosed with high functioning Autism in May/June last year). Dinky and him together in the same room can be very hard for most people. My dad managed it but was shattered afterwards. I'm still considering it, but the childminder said give her some time and she will see if she can get anyone else to have dinky, if not, she will do it. I might have to buy her something nice to say thank you after having them together for 2 hours if she dies end up doing it!

It is just such a hassle not having anyone I can call on if I need help with dinky. Hopefully this appointment will show nothing wrong and it becomes the end of it. I can't help thinking if it is not the end of it,what the hell am I going to do? What if I need surgery to remove the lump? I know they do day surgery, but I don't know if I'll be in and out during school hours, and what if dinky has a meltdown when I pick her up? It's all stuff I have to prepare for but don't have any answers for.
Bad times, layered on bad times on a hill of bad times! I guess I could wallow in self pity or get on with it. I choose the latter!

So head up, shoulders back, and bring it on!

Dinky's morning and risk assessment

Dinky was a little bit of a pickle this morning. We only just made it out of the hostel on time! We got to school and dinky found the water table, which had frozen over. She had taken her gloves off long before we got to school, and started seeing how much force the ice could take! Then she managed to grab as many kids as she could to look at the ice. By the time the door opened for phonics there were a few children pushing on the ice with their parents trying to pull them away! Dinky got the teacher to look at the ice and the teacher asked the kids why there was a layer of ice.. Just then one of the dads (who I will just have to call super dad because he makes me laugh pretty much every time he drops his son off or picks him up!) squealed 'oh look ice!' took his glove off and pushed it then it cracked and most of the kids who were still by the table felt their hands get soaked as the weakened ice gave way. Super dad whispered in my ear, shall we teach them to walk on iced over ponds next? I said I wouldn't tell dinky or his son that they might actually want to do it!
So we got everything squared away to start phonics and super dads son came over with dinky's sticker sheet for coming into class with her shoes on and without running off. Dinky grabbed it and ran off to the medical room to get her stickers. I was still putting the book bag away when she ran off, I saw mrs W the deputy run after dinky, and mrs N ran out just before me to get her back to class. Mrs. W explained to dinky that she had to do her phonics before she could get her stickers and she wouldn't get them without her post it note smiley faces from Mrs. N. she also told dinky she would finish their story from yesterday once she had done phonics with mummy. So dinky was happy to run back to class and grab her book. She tried doing the letters but had the attention span of a goldfish this morning so we left it after she had done two of each set.
as soon as she finished she took her book to Mrs D (the wednesday class supervisor) and she got her two smiley faces. We went to the medical room, got the stickers and dinky walked right into the deputies office and asked the head teacher to leave so she could finish her story! The head just said 'ok dinky, enjoy your book!'. I said goodbye to dinky and gave her a kiss and cuddle.. Done!
On my way out the teacher asked if I could pop in after school and sign the risk assessment.

I do some shopping and boring stuff like buy her some new school shoes ect..

On the bus to school I bumped into one of dinky's friends nan. She always picks up M and his sister Tuesday-Friday and we get the bus back across town. We chatted on the way to school and stopped at the cafe for a drink. I mentioned having to speak to the childminder about possibly having dinky for my appointment and she said there was no point in wasting money, she would take dinky from school for me and bring her up to the hospital by which point I should be done and ready to go home! That's one less thing to worry about! I told her I would be late to the bus stop as I had to stop off in the class to sign dinky's risk assessment.
I got to the school and super dad was talking to another dad. I joined in their conversation. Then the topic changed to the kids. Super dad said his favourite by far was dinky, maybe almost as much as his own kid because at least he wasn't the only one who misbehaved. I said yeah, dinky is his son+. Super dad asked if I thought dinky was worse than his son. I asked if his son was on the SEN register, he said no. Then he made a big joke out of it saying that she was even higher in his estimation by being on a register and so having three letters added to her name like an OBE, or bachelor of hons! His son came out before dinky and he said he would wait, I said there was no need as I had to go sign a risk assessment for dinky. He laughed and said ok, dinky wins, maybe she is son+! I said there is no winner in this we both still have children who like to create mayhem!

So I went into the classroom, and sat down while dinky pulled out some toys. The teacher pulled out the risk assessment and said even though I already knew what was going to go in it she would have to explain it to me and get me to sign it.

Dinky's risk assessment....

Potential risk-

*Dinky running away

How the risk can be avoided-
*Dinky will receive a sticker if she comes into school without trying to run away
*Dinky will be greeted by a member of staff to ensure they know when she has arrived
*Staff will be extra vigilant when the gates are unlocked between 8:40am and 9.30am

Potential risk-

*Dinky getting hurt if adults need to hold her because she is trying to run away

How the risk can be avoided-

*Staff to only hold dinky if where she is running to is unsafe. For example- if the gates are lock and dinky attempts to run outside, staff will let her go and follow her to keep her safe. If the gates are unlocked because it is early in the morning, staff may need to hold dinky in order to keep her safe from the roads.
*If dinky needs to be held, where possible this will be a member of staff who has attended 'team teach' training
*any occasion when it has been necessary to hold dinky, will be written up
*dinky's mum will be informed of any occasions when staff have had to hold dinky
*staff will only hold dinky for the minimal amount of time and with the minimal amount of force
*other strategies will always be tried prior to holding such as distraction
*two members of staff will always be present when any holds are taking place.



I asked the teacher who the trained staff were and she said she would find out but she wasn't one of them.
We discussed dinky a little and at the end the teacher said that dinky really does try to be good and she is very sweet and her friends are important to her. She also said that her bad behaviour wasn't spiteful or malicious in anyway, she is just a little more work than the majority of the other children. The one thing that did stick out for me is that she said that she needs to create that kind of adult/child bond with dinky that mrs H, mrs W and the play therapist have with her, but she finds it difficult.

The good, the bad, and the cutie!

So this morning dinky got ready ok. We got to school ok (I was quite amazed at how simple the morning was going, but it was play therapy day and dinky loves it!). Then there was a little tussle on the playground. The school can be a bit idiotic at times! They put out all the fun toys for planning time before the kids arrive and then put up signs saying that the children are not to play with them. It is hard enough for most of the children, but what is the child with behavioural issues going to do? Yes, play with them... Of course! So dinky got the wheelbarrow and almost knocked over some of the mums, when I grabbed it from her, she got the go kart and started riding it around the playground. I managed to get her to stop by getting her hulk mask out of my bag. So instead of playing with the toys she went round growling at everyone and shouting "HULK SMASH!!!" all the other parents thought she was funny. Then dinky's grandma phoned to wish her a good day! Which was a first!
Then the school doors opened. I managed to get her in and put her bag away. Then she ran back out again. So between myself and miss C the TA we got her back inside. She put her name up, got her phonics book and chose a seat. She did her letters 'ai' ok to begin with but soon got bored. She then went to the toilet, which normally means camping out in the story/creative area outside the classroom and the deputy's office. The deputy head brought her back into class and asked her to say goodbye to me so they could do a special job. Dinky looked unsure for a few seconds, hesitated and said "ok. Bye mummy I love you!". That was my cue! I grabbed her phonics book, gave it to Mrs. N and told her that dinky was happy with Ms. W so I was going to go before she changed her mind. The teacher was relieved and said "go, go, have a nice day!" so I went quick.

I got home and the postman arrived just as I did, a letter from the hospital. My ultrasound and biopsy is for next tuesday. The downside to isolating yourself... appointments that are for after school. Urghh. I tried to rearrange but the woman said that it has to be afternoons because the consultant doesn't work mornings and it has to be done while he is around. What kind of consultant doesn't work mornings? (obviously a breast specialist!)
So now I have to find someone willing to have dinky for a couple of hours. I do have two sort of friends. But both of them work, one will definitely be working the other won't find out until Thursday. I might contact the childminder, if she can't look after dinky she might be able to recommend a childminder that can. So that is another thing I have to sort out.
I text the play therapist to ask if she was free for a quick chat about dinky. She said I could pop down at 2.30pm.
In the meantime I got the glue, stickers and glitter out to decorate a box for her new (secondhand) DS to go in for special time.
So I went to the school and waited for the play therapist...
PT: so what can I do for you?
Me: I was just wondering if there is anything you can suggest I do at home with dinky and also to ask how you think she is doing here.
PT: ok, I'm no expert in what you could do at home I'm a play expert. In her play she seems stuck in that 3 year old stage rather than almost 5. What are the problems you face at home and how have you tried to resolve it?
Me: Well, dinky doesn't like change to her routine, she like to know exactly what is going on. So I have drawn some pictures with times to give her an idea of what the day is like. The routine varies too much at the weekend to have separate pictures for the weekend. So she keeps asking when lunch is. Also she asks for programmes that are weekdays only, then can get really aggressive, and throws toddler tantrums.
PT: what do you do when she physically attacks you?
Me: it depends on what she is doing. If its the head butting and the punching or kicking then I push her away until she has calmed down enough for a cuddle, because she normally cries afterwards. If she is full out frenzy attack, then I have to restrain her. Which is not easy especially in public. She knows the biggest way to get me to let go when we are out is to say I'm hurting her. She knows I get upset by it because she knows I wouldn't hurt her. I'm just holding her. It's difficult.
PT: hmm, she has got it sussed, terrible two type tantrum with partial 4 year old reasoning...routine is good though, It offers her stability. That is what she needs... She needs stability more than anything. In her play she seems very insecure, last week it was the moving out of the house and this week it has been having no where to live. It is a really big thing for her.
Me: I didn't realise she Understood we had nowhere to live. I didn't realise she understood what was going on.
PT: the play comes from the subconscious so I doubt she does really know that you had nowhere to go. She might have heard it once and kept it inside. I have said it before, for the situation you are both in you are both doing brilliantly. You both have this ability to shrug it off on the outside, but hold it all inside. You have had more practice than dinky so she still has trouble keeping it all in which is part of her behaviour issues. She needs to let it out, which she is now doing here. I think you are doing all you possibly can in what are very difficult and trying circumstances. I have grown up kids and even when they were that age I would have gone crazy if we were in that situation. I don't know how you do it, and still get her to school everyday, and on time.
Me: it kind of helps if you are a little crazy to begin with!
PT: haha, maybe you are right, maybe it does help...
Me: possibly.
PT: I will dig out some really good books on dealing with challenging behaviour, the problem is in your circumstances, stuck in one room, there isn't much, you are doing more than I would have thought of already. What do you do once you calm her down?
Me: I take 2 of her toys or 2 films, her choice. But my dad was given a DS and yesterday she had her first special time. I give her 10 minutes. If she is naughty she loses a minute. If she does something really good she earns a minute. She can't play the DS at any other time than special time. I decorated a special box for it today which is why I have odd bits of red glitter on me.
PT: that's a fantastic idea. Let me know how that one goes!
Me: I will. Ok, well I have to go because I have to get dinky. Otherwise we will have a meltdown on our hands.
PT: just quickly, are you still seeing your nurse?
Me: no I'm kind of between nurses so to speak.
PT: oh, ok, any word on when you will get someone new?
Me: not yet.
PT: leave it with me. I have their number. I'll see if I can push them along a little bit. You are both doing ok. You just both need a little support right now, which is ok. She is quite like you. Laughs off the hard things in life. She is adorable and I wish I could see her everyday.
I will get the books and get dinky's teacher to put them in her bookbag.
Me: thanks S. it was nice to catch up. Thank you for your time.
PT: anytime, and I genuinely mean that!

Get around the corner..

"MUMMY!!!"

We get home, have a lovely meal of sausage and chips (I try to treat her on play therapy days), and then she had a film followed by reading practice and then special time. She loves the DS!

And now I'm writing this in the dark in silence while she wriggles and twists and turns. My daughter is amazing! (and obviously she is the cutie!)

Dinky is on the SEN register for behavioural difficulties...

If thursday last week was a nightmare, today was hell!
Dinky got dressed ok, had breakfast ok, brushed her teeth ok.
She refused to listen to me when I asked her to hold my hand to cross the road. She was a little boisterous on the bus when a kid in the year above got on in town, and fell over on the way into school. So as soon as we got in we had to get her cleaned up and change her trousers. We waited for Mrs. B to hand over the antibiotics. Mrs. W the deputy head asked if she could have a quick word after I left dinky in the classroom. We handed over the medicine, and went round to the class. As soon as she had her coat and bag off she began to kick off.
"I can't do my letters, I don't know how!" She shouted, and ran out of the classroom. I had to chase her and stop her leaving the early years part of the building. She refused to go back into the classroom. Miss C came out and dinky did not want to listen so she went to get Mrs. N the class teacher. By the time Mrs. N came out dinky had run into the toilets. I coaxed her out and managed to get her into the classroom. We got her phonics book out and she found a seat. She refused to do the letters (which were ng) she did the n ok, but messed about doing the g. Then when mrs. N came over dinky decided to just do m's all over the page. Then she went under the table.
Mrs. N: dinky, why are you under the table?
Dinky: I don't want my my mummy to go home.
Mrs. N: but dinky, all the mummies and daddies have to go home.
Dinky: fine, I want to go home with Mummy then!
Mrs N: no, you can't go home, you have to be in school.
Dinky: NO! I DON'T WANT TO STAY WITHOUT MUMMY!

And off she went. I went after her and found her hiding in the library. Mrs B the school nurse came out, she managed to get dinky to come with me to the deputy head's office because she likes the deputy head's bracelets. The deputy head tried to get dinky into her classroom but she held onto my leg and wouldn't let go. Another 5 minutes went by with both mrs B and the deputy head trying to prise dinky off me. A brainwave got dinky off me, she was allowed to pick a teddy from the library area to take into class.

So at 9.15 dinky was in class. Finally.

I sat down in the deputy head's office and we both breathed a sigh of relief.
Dinky has now been put on the SEN register for behavioural problems. So she is now classed as a special needs child. She said she wanted to talk to me because they think dinky needs to have a risk assessment done so that all the teachers are aware of what to do if dinky runs off, but also to make them aware of the fact that they could end up being hurt if dinky becomes aggressive and violent. The plan is especially important for 8.30-9am and 2.30-2.50pm when the gates are open.
I asked if we could put something into place when for when I leave after phonics, as it is very difficult for me to leave without someone to hand her off to so I know she is safe, especially after Monday when she ran after me after the doors were closed. I had to take her back and none of the teachers knew she had gone. So dinky's favourite TA is going to be asked to meet me at 8.40am after we've finished the phonics to take dinky to do a special job (probably to go and get the milk cartons or to go get her sticker for going into school wearing her school shoes).
We discussed the CAF. It will be just the three of them and me. Which is fine. The outcome should be a CAF meeting with CAMHS, and other services. There will be the possibility of a TAC (team around the child) forming.
Also because of dinky's new status as 'special needs' there are a few places I might be able to take dinky. She might not be eligible for it because all she has noted (at the moment) are behavioural issues. Nothing has been mentioned about her emotional problems but I will have to make that clear during the CAF.
I will have to go back in and sign the risk assessment at some point this week. Hopefully the TA will be there tomorrow to take dinky so she is safe. Although there shouldn't be too much of an issue as she has play therapy tomorrow so will be much happier to go in.