I've been feeling a bit off lately. Just trying to feel normal as can be for dinky but I've been pretty snappy. And I feel really guilty for it. Which only makes me more angry at myself.
I've even tried to pretend everything is fine on here and this is my blog which no one reads anyway. Like yesterday. Trying to make plans and then getting sidetracked. I can't concentrate because I keep thinking of other things.
I have to try and focus...
So, how am I feeling? Well, my mind is racing, I keep thinking of lots of different things and want to go check them out online. I'm restless. I can't just sit, I have to be doing something. Which I must admit makes a change from pretty much the whole of December where I had to do lots but didn't really have the energy or the inclination to do it.
Problem is when I feel like this I still don't get much done because I flit between the things I'm supposed to be doing. I'm irritable and angry. Which is not good as a parent. I'm trying to hold it in but it is hard to do. I hate being like this. This is why I need the nurse to do something about it. She can't tell me with any certainty what is wrong with me but she can send me to someone who can. But I still don't know if I want to go back to her or see someone else. Maybe we can sort it out and she can stop making stupid comments. Or maybe I should just see someone else. I just got a call from mind advocacy to see what my options are and if they can help me sort it out. Maybe I'm just making a big deal of it. But it does make me angry the stupid stuff she says. Maybe I'm over thinking it?
I searched for jobs online yesterday and applied for about 10 different jobs. I know I said I wasn't really ready but I can do it. As long as the hours suit childcare arrangements. Maybe it won't be the best job or one that I really want to do but it will get the job centre off my back, and then I don't have to have the discussion of being signed off with S that is if I ever see her again. I won't have to worry about it all. Especially seeing as the ESA is apparently not very easy to get when you go for assessment. I'll find it even harder considering I don't have a diagnosis. What am I supposed to say? I don't feel ready to go to work at the moment because I'm a bit of a mess and don't know what is going on with me. I don't think that will get me very far.
Why put up with the aggro? I can get a 16 hour a week job while everything gets sorted and then go from there. At least with the 16 hours I can still go to appointments and get dinky sorted With the integrated services. I will have to start looking out for the post now. To be honest I'm not a big fan of postal deliveries here. Whoever sees the post arrive gets it and pits it in the kitchen. But how do you know someone hasn't taken your post? Or moved it to somewhere else?
At least at the b and b post came and was in a locked box, the support staff used to come out and give you the post, or if you were out slid it under your door.
The woman downstairs is a bit odd and I don't really trust her. She is a nosy busy body, and I don't want her being ultra nosy and checking my post.
It's January which means I should be able to sort things now. Christmas is over and there is lots to do. My appointments dinky's appointments. Got to sort it all. So yeah post and phone calls this month.
Talking of post, I should go check see if the postie has been. I also have to et some washing done.
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