Do I or don't I?

Do I or don't I try and change mental health nurse?

I can just see what the first appointment after she gets back from holiday will be like.
S: so how have you been?
Me: well, stressed mainly. Still homeless, still bidding, still haven't heard back from integrated services which is where CAMHS directed dinky's referral, I have been looking for jobs but none seem to be suitable for a single mum..
S: why are none suitable for single mums
Me: because I'm 26 and the only experience I have is retail, they want evening and weekend workers and IF you can find a childminder willing to work past 6pm and on weekends they want unsociable hours pay which is more than my wage for those hours, then there is the act that if I work evenings I have to pick dinky up late from a childminders house and bring her back to the hostel because I'd have to get one near her school because no others would pick up from the other side of the town, which means she will go to bed late and she only gets 9-10 hours sleep as it is.
Aside from that you said I should try being a carer. The problem with that is that you have to actually want to care for these people, that aside if you are just looking for employment, most of the care roles are to peoples homes and most care agencies want you to drive so you can get to more houses in your working hours. I don't drive. Even if I could get into a care home to do it it's shift work. Again not possible with a young child and the same problems arise again.
So the whole effort of looking for jobs has been stressful and irritating. Most office jobs are only giving entry level jobs to under 25s as part of an apprenticeship and I'm too old. I'd go and ask for my job back at the sports place but my hours were reduced for a reason. Even though the manager left the new manager is the one from the old place where I used to live and he reduced my hours before I moved up here. Probably for the same reasons as the manager that just left.
The other parts about looking for a job that is stressful is everything else that then becomes a problem if I do miraculously find a job that is daytime and no weekends or shifts include.... Having to take time off when I finally get housed to move. Having to take time off to attend any appointments for dinky in regard to integrated services. Ending help here too. Which I might like to remind you that you said that I am not currently mentally strong enough for counselling but apparently I am quite able to go back to work... How does that work?
S: mumbles and says something wildly inappropriate which I have to ignore
Me: aside from that I still don't have a clue what is wrong with me, I want to get better and I don't particularly want to get fired because I'm all over the place. I also don't get why you put me forward for the well being place because I won't be able to attend there either.
Then there is the biggest factor which I only just touched upon and that is dinky. With everything going on and her problems with attachment and so on is it really wise to leave her in the hands of someone else when everything changes again? When she is introduced to the people from integrated services and when we move house. Where is her stability if she is being picked up by yet another new face because I'm at work, and we move house and I have to try and get her used to the idea of all these changes and I'm not around to deal with the consequences.
So if I find this miraculous job it's just going to cause nothing but issues and problems and heartache and I'll go another 2-5 years trying to keep myself together and end up failing miserably and lose my job because I'm a mess.
So... Hope you had a lovely holiday, but I think I'll leave now because it is obvious you are not going to support me, only confuse me and wind me up and I have job hunting to do!


I get up and walk out whether or not she tries to talk to me...

So yeah I see it going really really well!
(FYI sarcasm is not the lowest form of wit it is merely a tool to stop people wanting to rip peoples heads off!)



So it's Monday.
No houses to bid on this week. Still playing the waiting game with everything else.

Good news... Tomorrow is dinkys school Christmas performance! I can't wait to watch her singing her heart out! All the Christmas presents are wrapped, Christmas food brought, and dinky should be one happy little monkey come Christmas morning!

So that's it for today, if I keep writing I'll only do my own head in and I have to pretend to be 'normal' when I pick dinky up from school!